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Reviews for "Child of the Dawn"

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Viv

Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 675
Location: Texas
Tue Dec 21, 2004 10:38 am

"Why write in Elvish when both speak the same language?" ... YES! Very wise, and a great decision in terms of making the story accessible to your audience. (If I had a nit to pick, it would be to do the same with the mannish tongue. That was the only scene that had me scratching my head.) I enjoyed the rich sensory texture of your descriptions: "Hot sand spilled from above as the humans and their horses flew over above her." Action scenes were easy to see in my mind's eye. The flashback scene was also deftly done. I followed the time shifts easily, without getting lost. This story is very promising. I've often wondered about those *other* elves, the ones Tolkien pretty much ignored. Wink smiley face
 
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SpaceWeavil

Joined: 27 May 2004
Reviews: 365
Location: Looking at shiny things
Tue Dec 21, 2004 11:40 am

Have to agree with Viv. The description is very good and I had no problem visualising the scenes. It's a very interesting idea that I hope to see you continue with it. I think the fate of the Avari leaves itself open for a load of intriguing plot bunnies and so I'm keen to see where you go with this. My only suggestion would be the same as Viv's. It was hard to follow the Mannish language, so maybe having the translation in brackets beneath it or something like that might be easier to read than footnotes?

But very good work so far. Looking forward to more. Very Happy smiley face
 
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krazykataave

Joined: 17 Dec 2004
Reviews: 127
Location: Immortalized by John Denver
Tue Dec 21, 2004 1:44 pm

The descriptions were amazing! I was there in the desert too. The fight scene was written well, but the tongues confused me (which believe me is not hard to do at all Surprised smiley face ). It's nice reading other's work that continue and explain what was ignored, there is so much potential.

Will you be writing more?
 
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sofia

Joined: 28 Mar 2004
Reviews: 78
Location: 
Tue Dec 21, 2004 8:30 pm

I agree with Viv on how "Why write in Elvish when both speak the same language?" is a great decision. The descriptions were nicely done and I did not find the mannish language hard to follow along with. And the place where her tribe lives: i could picture it and it intrigues me. I would like to know more about that. Can't wait till the next chapter. Good luck!
-sofia
 
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sofia

Joined: 28 Mar 2004
Reviews: 78
Location: 
Wed Dec 22, 2004 5:08 pm

Another great chapter. I do wonder if they will let her pass into the Golden Wood.
-sofia
 
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VanatheEverYoung
Joined: 22 Aug 2004
Reviews: 106
Location: USA
Thu Dec 23, 2004 5:17 pm

This is a great beginning! I'm glad that you kept the Avari civilized. Too often, I think the term Dark Elf is misinterpreted. The descriptions are wonderful and your OC believable. You also seem to have a good handle of the different Elvish languages. It all adds up to a very convincing story. I can't wait to read more.
 
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HeatherRae

Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Reviews: 119
Location: Bossier City, LA
Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:21 am

Will you ever update? I would love to see you continue this story.
 
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