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Sometimes

Chapter 1: Sometimes

by RiddlesDarkAngel5

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing though I wish I had Lucius Malfoy. <p>

It started with a diary. With kind, comforting words to a lost, scared little girl whose crush wouldnít give her the time of day. He took her trust and admiration and twisted it into an utter dependence on the darkness that was him. He told her what she wanted to hear, comforted her when her brothers gave her a hard time, became her best friend causing her to forsake the company of her peers for the stark pages of the black diary. There were whispers in the halls, by students and professors alike, about the littlest Weasley. So small and secretive were her ways that no one knew quite what to do. So they left her alone. Left her to spend hours on her bed with the drapes closed pouring her soul out to him. Her soul was his lifeblood. He slowly drained the life and will from her and he became stronger, rising out of the pages of time long ago into a reality. He took more than he gave. Always letting her believe she was in control of their friendship, but slowly he stripped her of everything. Her free will, consciousness, and finally on the cold, dungeon floor he took her innocence. At that moment her eyes opened and she saw for the first time the darkness and evil that was him. At that moment the veil was lifted and her eyes lost their smokiness and dullness. She knew she was dying. When he was finished he straightened his tie and proceeded to tell of the wondrous things he would accomplish thanks to her. Shame filled her heart. Thoughts of her family and crush came to mind and tears slipped from her darkening eyes. Suddenly in burst her hero, her knight in shining armor and, just like in the fairytales she had read, he rescued her and vanquished the evil foe and all was well again. <p>
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But fairytales are fairytales and fiction always. The whispers continue as she makes her way down the hall 6 years later. Red locks frame a face that has long since forgotten how to smile. Her parents have given up and wonder where their carefree little girl has gone. They donít understand. They cant. No one can. She tried making friends, but most were either scared of her or didnít understand why she sometimes needed to be alone. He is dead yes. Harry killed him in the chamber that day, but he is still with her. She poured out her soul to him, but in the process a bit of him transferred to her. She doesnít want the unfamiliar darkness that has festered in her heart for the last 6 years. Sometimes she wishes Harry had gotten there too late to save her, because a part of her died violently that day. A part she canít ever get back.. Sex wonít fill the void, neither will muggle drugs or alcohol and god knows she tried all of those. Sometimes in her dreams he comes back to her. Sometimes heís kind and gentle like he was when he talked to her in the diary. He tells her he never meant to hurt her and that he loves her and wants them to be together. She tries not to let those words soften her resolve against him, but his captivating voice fills her mind and she finds herself yearning for him to come back. Yearning for them to be together. She as his dark queen. His one and only love. Only when her leaves her head does she realize it is all lies. And she cries. Her pillow has become ratty and worn over the years of her crying and clutching it like itís the only thing keeping her from slipping. And she tries to rid her mind of him, but he will not go. His memory lingers only to see her suffer. Other times heís violent and takes her innocence again and again in her dreams. She screams but no one hears and the darkness is always there ready to consume her. And then the snakes come. They come at his command in a strange language that only he knows. They wrap around her. Their fangs just inches from her neck. But they will not bite her. That is his right alone he tells her. And then he confirms her worst fear. ďYou will always be mineĒ And she wakes. Tired and full of despair. <p>
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She looks around and realizes that the sky is barely slipping into dawn. So she gets up and sits by the window overlooking the forbidden forest. Sometimes she sees dark shapes moving within the trees and it unsettles her. But she knows that nothing can hurt her physically whilst she is in here. Isnít that what everyone tells her? That she will always be safe here. But they cannot be in her mind. They cannot help her there and so they must never know. She will bear it alone and in secret. It is amazing to her how oblivious people can be when they donít want to deal with something. They do not understand why she doesnít have friends or why she always comes to class with bags under her eyes. She will not cover them with makeup. Let them look, she thinks. Let them have a glimpse into her person. But only a glimpse. He taught her how to keep secrets and she is a master at them. He also taught her, indirectly of course, that trust is a dangerous thing. Put too much trust in something and it will betray you, and the consequences will linger. She knows this well and carries it with her. Often, she sits watching people. Observing their laughter and carefree ways. And often she wishes she was one of them. Laughing with friends who love her for who she is. But only the darkness is there. Always ready to move in if she despairs. <p>
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But she will not let that happen. She will not let him win and consume her wholly. She will fight her solo battle against the darkness and she is determined to win. Because she has something he could not take from her. She has her spirit and the memory of who she once was. A girl who was trusting and kind and happy, a word that rarely crosses her mind these days. And it is also in her heart along with the darkness. A battle of good and evil inside of her. And when she thinks s these thoughts sometimes a ray of sun breaks from dark storm clouds; a ray of hope out of her despair. Sometimes she feels this hope and light. Sometimes. Sometimes itís just the darkness.