The Warden, the Lady (NC-17)
by b5delenn.
Chapters [3]
Reviews [ 1] Warnings [Graphic description of sex]
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Fri Apr 13, 2012 6:48 am
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Hi, it's Amarth.
Like you said, spelling is mostly good. You have one "Roham" in part one. It's "Rohirric" and "Rohirrim" with big "R". Also, it's "Meduseld". And it's more a mead hall than a castle.
As for grammar, it's a bit off. But that can easily be fixed by finding yourself a beta reader, preferrably a native English speaker.
Now, for canon...the greatest problem is the violation of Laws and Customs of Eldar. I know this was adult, and so it had to have smut, but it could have been moved to a wedding night.
But I understand you were new to the fandom and probably haven't read anything but Lord of the Rings, and there is not much info about the Elves in that book. As the Tolkien canon in general goes, Elves don't usually do sex before marriage. And definitely never sleep with another's wife. Again, you didn't know, and this part of the canon is often ignored - but keep it in mind.
Ignoring canon, you did well for a beginner in fandom and a non-native speaker. |
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| Author's replied on Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:23 am |
Thank you for reading and the advices. About the beta I will love to have one, if you know of someone who want to do it please let me know. I published it with no beta but I know it is necesary even if you are english which I am not. The corrections you have made I will fix them now, thank you.
About the books I read them after seeing the first movie (I have always read a lot since childhood but mainly spanish authors). I think I did not enjoyed The Hobbit so much because I was an adult when I first read it, that I read just once. The Lord of the Rings I have read several times and I love it, especially The Return of the King. The Silmarillion I have read even more times than The Lord of the Rings and I really love it. But I have to say that I have not read them for a while, so there are a lot of things that I could mistake. About The Story of Middle earth I discovered it existed just some months ago. It is difficult to find, in Spanish at least, so I have not read it yet (I know there are several tomes). And The Children of Hurin I discovered it too just in October 2011. I have it, but I have yet to read it. I prefer to re-read The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarilion first to refresh my memory.
Either way I know now about the customs of the Eldar about prenuptial sex for comments in reviews of fanfiction but in the time I wrote it I did not know. I did know about the fact that their bond is also of the fea and that they would never be with a married woman or man. But in this fanfiction Eowyn is not married with Faramir, huge break of canon. I did not wanted to write Eowyn as someone who would betray Faramir, since I love them, so I decided to take him from the story. If it seems in the story that Eowyn is married then it is my mistake, since I pretended to make it as if they were not together.
About the wedding night is a good idea, a good way to make some romance if you have a limit of words (in this case I had a limit), but I wanted to explain somehow the fact that Eowyn is a peredhel, etc. The problem is that it was too fast: they just know each other and they already are in bed and professing eternal love, hehehe. I know that is too fast, even more for elves who, I now know, have a betrothal of one year at least. So you are right: with just 3 chapters, even breaking canon, it was too fast. I just went straight ahead with the sex scenes while the develop of the relation between them is absolutely lacking.
Thank you again for the review. I am not trying to justify, just wanted to explain why I broke the canon so badly. |
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