Story Downloaded from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net) Title: For As Long As It Takes (#3307) Author: PipMer Chapters: 2 Archive: Tolkien Category: Lord of the Rings Description: Throughout Merry's life, Pippin is there to comfort him during various sorrows and losses. Published: 06 Feb 2007 Updated: 06 Feb 2007 Warnings: Type: Angst Characters: Pippin; Merry Chapter 1 - Frodo Merry was very quiet on the way back from the Havens; he and Pippin had been singing for a time, but that had tapered off awhile ago. They had parted ways with Sam a couple of miles back, and now were travelling on to Crickhollow. Pippin's thoughts rushed ahead to where they would be sleeping that night, all the time keeping a close eye on his cousin. All three cousins had been very close, but due to being closer in age and Frodo's frequent visits to Buckland, Merry had been closer to Frodo than Pippin had been. Although the parting had been grievous for both of them, Pippin knew that it had hit Merry the hardest. No tears had escaped Merry's eyes yet, but Pippin knew that it was just a matter of time. Merry never had been one to hide his feelings for very long, and Pippin was slightly concerned that he hadn't broken down before now. Pippin himself had wept freely once they had caught up to Frodo and Sam, and he wondered why Merry had not. They decided to stay at the Floating Log in Frogmorton rather than camp out again. The weather had turned decidedly fall-like; rain was drizzling down, and the wind had picked up a pace. The promise of the comfort of a soft bed and hot food proved too much to resist, and the hobbits left their ponies in the care of the stables, then marched inside. The place was fairly quiet, being late of a Wednesday evening. The owner happily showed them to their table, then bustled off to get them some ale while they decided what to eat. After the ale arrived, Merry sat quietly nursing it as he surreptitiously eyed the goings-on in the common room. Too quiet, Pippin decided. After a time, he ventured, "Merry, are you alright?" Pippin was rewarded with a small smile. "Yes, Pippin, I'm fine. I just...miss him, you know?" Pippin reached out and squeezed Merry's arm. "Yes, I know, Merry; I miss him too. Do you want to talk about it?" Merry shrugged. "What's there to talk about, Pip? He's gone; he's never coming back. What else is there to say?" The bitterness in Merry's tone startled Pippin. Surely Merry understood that Frodo had had no choice, that this was the only way he could find peace. Surely Merry didn't think that he had wanted to leave his friends and family, the only home he had ever known, behind to go live with the Elves. "He had no choice, Merry," Pippin said curtly. "You know that as well as I do." "Maybe I do," Merry returned, "But it doesn't mean I have to like it." "Spare me your self-pity!" Pippin retorted. "Do you think I wanted to see him go? Don't you think that I wish he could have found the healing he needed with us, instead of with some cold, immortal beings who'll never understand him as we do?" Tears threatened to fall, but Pippin refused to let them. "For the Valar's sake, Merry...do you think he wanted to carry the Ring all that way, only to have the memory of it cling to him even after he thought it destroyed? He was wounded far worse than either of us!" "You don't understand!" Merry said hotly. He quickly stood up, face red. "I'm not hungry; I'm going to get us a room, and then I'm going to go to sleep. Good night, Pip." With that, Merry turned around and strode away. Pippin was shocked. Rarely did he and Merry argue, and never publicly. He gave a sheepish grin to the patrons who were looking his way quizzically, gave a nod, and hunched down in his chair. His appetite had been wiped away as well. He had been famished not ten minutes ago; now, he wouldn't be able to choke down bread. Sighing, he decided that after he finished his ale, he would take a walk to clear his head. He wanted to give Merry some space right now; he sensed that his cousin needed it. The weather wasn't too nasty yet, just a light drizzle. Pippin walked around the inn twice, thoughts scattering like the leaves before a breeze. He tried not to dwell on what might be bothering Merry. He knew his cousin all too well; he wouldn't tell Pippin until he was good and ready. After about 20 minutes, he went in and ordered a bit of cheese and fruit; it wouldn't do to go to bed on an empty stomach, he told himself. He sat quietly and ate, then ordered a bit more to take up for Merry in case he wasn't asleep yet. Armed with good intentions, he slowly make his way to their room. He was greeted to a dark room and woeful sobs. --------------------- Pippin carefully set the food down and made his way over to Merry's bed. He could barely make out his cousin's huddled form. Heart aching in sympathy, Pippin sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand comfortingly on Merry's shaking shoulder. "I'm here, cousin; it's alright." "It'll never be alright again," Merry choked out. Pippin closed his eyes. At a loss, he whispered, "I know." "It wasn't supposed to be this way," Merry sobbed. "I...I was going to ask him the next time I saw him." "Ask him what, Merry?" "Oh, I haven't told you yet, have I, Pip?" In spite of himself, Pippin smiled. "No, Merry, I don't believe you have." Sniffling, Merry sat up and faced Pippin. "Well, you know that Estella and I have been talking about getting married?" "Yes." "Well, we decided that soon we're going to make our engagement official." Tear-laden eyes locked with Pippin's. "I was going to have the three of you stand for me at our wedding....you, Frodo and Sam. The four Travellers, once again, on the happiest day of my life. But then we got Gandalf's message, and I never got the chance to ask Frodo." Merry swallowed. "I can't imagine one of you not being there on my wedding day. He's supposed to be there, Pippin. All of you are supposed to be there." "Oh, Merry." "And I know that I'm being a selfish git, but I can't help it. He was...is...my best friend, Pippin, aside from you. Nothing will seem right without him there." "I know, Merry, it's going to be hard. But we have to remember what he did, and the price he paid so that our home..the Shire...could be safe. If it weren't for him, you and Estella wouldn't even have the opportunity to make a life together. We can't mourn without end, Merry. That would nullify his sacrifice, and we can't have that." "I know, Pippin, it's just going to take some time, that's all." Pippin smiled in understanding. "That's my lad. I brought you some food, in case you're hungry." "Oh, bless you, Pippin! What would I do without you?" "Starve" "Git." Merry got up and made his way to the table while Pippin set to making a fire in their small hearth. When he finished, Pippin sat next to him, brought out his pipe and readied it for a smoke. Merry ate quietly, and the two hobbits sat in muted companionship, each lost in his own thoughts. Pippin knew that they would both heal. It would be a slow process, but it would happen. If nothing else, they had each other to see them through. Gazing at his cousin through a haze of smoke, Pippin sent his thoughts toward Merry: "I'll be here, Merry...for as long as it takes." Chapter 2 - Estella "Oh Merry," Pippin whispered brokenly as he held the sobbing hobbit in his arms. Tears welled in his own eyes as he fiercely embraced his cousin. How he knew how this felt! He himself had been through it only months before, and it was this fact that allowed him to reserve control while Merry completely and utterly broke down. Estella had passed away not one hour ago. Estella had been steadily declining for about a year now, and none of the healers had had any idea how to help her. The best they could do was give medicine that helped ease the pain and discomfort. It had started with shortness of breath and extreme fatigue, and had steadily worsened until Estella's frame was thin and frail; she had been completely bed-ridden for the past month, too weak to even lift her head for the past week. Merry had been preparing himself for the worst for some time now, with always a brave front in public. The only one who knew that, in reality, Merry felt wrenching pain and helplessness, was his cousin the Thain, Peregrin Took. It tore Pippin's heart out to watch Merry's hope fade day by day. At least with Diamond it had been quick, albeit unexpected. Pippin had been devastated, and nigh on inconsolable for the longest time. Merry had been there with him every step of the way, and he fully intended to be there for Merry in the same way. "Merry-lad", Pippin whispered softly, even though at 98 Merry was decades away from being a 'lad'. "If I could take away this pain for you, I would." He smiled softly as he rubbed Merry's back. "Do you remember your wedding day, Merry? I remember it like it was yesterday. You were so happy, and Estella so beautiful. I was so proud to stand for you on that day; I knew what happiness lay ahead for you. You had so many fine years together; you have so many happy memories to cherish." As Pippin calmly continued to talk, Merry's sobs gradually subsided until all that remained were mere sniffles. Pippin continued to rub Merry's back as silence descended. "Pippin?" "Yes, Merry?" "I miss her....I miss her already. How did you go on after Diamond....?" "Friends...my friends. Specifically, you and Sam. You two were my lifeline, you know. I couldn't have survived those first few days afterwards if it hadn't been for you." Pippin smiled sadly at his cousin. "Merry, I won't lie to you; the next few days are going to be some of the most difficult you've ever experienced. But you'll never be alone, I swear. I'll stay with you here at the Hall for as long as you like; Faramir and Beregond can take care of things at home for me for a good long while. Please...let me stay." Merry sighed with relief. "Of course, Pippin...please, stay! If you hadn't offered, I would have asked. I .... don't want to be alone tonight." "I know. Let me send off a post to Faramir, and let him and his brother know I'll be staying on for a few more weeks yet. I won't leave until you're ready, Merry." "Thank you, Pippin." "No thanks are necessary, Merry, you know that." "Can I ask you to do one more thing for me?" Merry asked hesitantly. Pippin wondered what it was Merry wanted to ask; he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and he looked decidedly uncomfortable. "Of course, Merry. What is it?" "Would you mind terribly if you slept in our....my room tonight?" Merry blushed a bright crimson shade. "I know it's silly, but I'm afraid to be left alone." "No, I don't mind, Merry. I'll gladly keep you company tonight. Let me get a cot set up, and then I’ll see you to bed, eh? It's been a long day." For the past three weeks, Estella had been moved to a room separate from the one she and Merry had shared, to allow for around-the-clock care. As Pippin ushered Merry into his room, he took a quick glance around. What he saw caused him to sigh in dismay. Merry, by nature, was a very neat hobbit.....a place for everything, and everything in its place, could be his motto. However, now the room was in disarray. The bed was unmade, which was a very bad sign, considering Merry's fastidious nature. Dirty clothes were strewn willy-nilly on the floor, and there was dust everywhere. Well, considering what Merry had been through, it was really not surprising; but it was nonetheless disheartening. Even during the most desperate days of the quest, Merry had kept an order about him that was comforting. This just seemed...wrong, somehow. Sublimating these thoughts, Pippin gently led Merry to the bed. "Get yourself ready, Merry, and I'll set up a cot in here. I’ll stay with you all night, I promise, alright?" Mutely, Merry nodded, his eyes distant and unseeing. Pippin left Merry to his devices, and went back to his guest-room to retrieve his nightshirt and a change of clothes before he went in search of a cot. When Pippin got back, he was shocked to a standstill. Merry was kneeling on the floor beside the bed, his head bowed down to the floor and both arms curled about his head. He was whimpering and keening, all the while trembling like a leaf in a summer storm. Pippin immediately rushed to his side; kneeling beside his cousin, he gathered him into his arms, cooing nonsense words as he tried to calm Merry down. Pippin's heart clenched with sorrow and sympathy. He sat down on the floor, and brought Merry's head into his lap, and started stroking Merry's hair as he struggled for the right words. Merry continued to whimper, but he had stopped shaking. Pippin quit trying to find the right words, and settled for just being there, silently comforting his dearest friend as Merry tried to cope with anguish too deep for words. Pippin pressed a kiss into Merry's hair as he sat there helplessly, just letting Merry empty himself of his grief. This night was going to be the worst in Merry's life, Pippin had no doubt. The night Diamond died had been the worst in Pippin's life .. even worse than sitting in the Houses of Healing, staring at a too-still Merry who lay dying of the Black Breath. Pippin had never utterly despaired before...not until he had lost Diamond. He knew that Merry was now feeling the same way he had then....absolutely powerless and at the mercy of fate. Pippin knew that feeling intimately...and there was no way he was going to leave Merry to face it on his own. As it turned out, Pippin didn't need the cot. After helping Merry undress and don his nightshirt, Pippin slipped into the bed with Merry and held him close until his breathing evened out. Not wanting to disturb Merry, Pippin continued to lay there until he himself fell asleep as well. It wasn't the first time the hobbits had shared a bed for comfort; shades of Crickhollow kept swirling through Pippin's mind. There were many nights there after the quest when one of them would stumble to the other's room after a particularly bad nightmare. Pippin smiled to himself as he remembered wondering why they even bothered with two separate bedrooms. His smile faded. If they hadn't had each other during that dark time, Pippin didn't know what would have happened. More dark times had come after that, and Merry and Pippin had always been there for each other....from the babes each had lost, to the loss of their parents, the deaths of Pippin's sisters, the departure of Frodo....and now this most devastating of losses, the loss of a spouse. Pippin swallowed past the lump in his throat. His thoughts flew to the hobbit sleeping peacefully beside him. 'I'll be here for as long as it takes, Merry, I promise you,' he thought before he once again descended into sleep. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Downloaded from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net) on Sun Nov 15, 2026 3:01 am