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Title: Mary-Sue's Survival-Training (#978)
Author: Vilwarin
Chapters: 4
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Archive: Tolkien
Category: Alternate Universe (AU)
Description: Mary-Sue finds herself with the Fellowship, in under other circumstances as she would have wished. Sequel to 'To be or not to be'
Published: 03 Jun 2004
Updated: 05 Jun 2004
Warnings: Mary-Sue abuce
Type: Humour
Characters: Fellowship; Mary-Sue


Chapter 1 - Welcome to Middle-Earth

Title: Mary-Sue’s Survival-Training 

Summary: Sequel to one of my little Mary-Sue series. The first chapter is taken from ‘To be or not to be’. Mary-Sue finds herself with the fellowship, but under other circumstances as she had wished.

Disclaimer: The Sue is mine; all the other recognizable things belong to the great Master Tolkien. I just borrowed them and they are brought back as good as new.
I have no permission to use the characters and I make no money with them.

Feedback: Welcome.

"blah" is normal speech, 'blah' is a thought and «blah» is elvish

So on with the story.

~Chapter I~

~Welcome to Middle-Earth~

        
Mary-Sue had experienced a lot of things in her travels, but the most exciting part was still the Fellowship of the Ring, the famous nine walkers. Of course she was especially fascinated of Legolas when he fought against Orcs, Cave trolls, Uruk-Hais and didn't get a tiny scratch. With her charm and her newfound strength she would make sure that nothing stood in her way.

"I want to join the fellowship of the Ring, I want to join the fellowship of the Ring." she repeated several times. Then she took a deep breath and…

It was the strangest thing Mary-Sue had ever witnessed, and she had already witnessed very much. She had thought she perhaps would be found by Aragorn and the Hobbits and taken to Rivendell. 

But the Fellowship’s time in Rivendell had already come to an end and she found herself standing outside the house of Elrond. It was dark, so dark in fact, that the only thing that lightened the scene were the lights inside the house which didn't help here very much. Mary-Sue saw Sam, who stood next to Bill the Pony and was talking to the animal in question. There were Frodo and Bilbo standing in the doorway and over there a sitting Aragorn. He had is head bowed to his knees. She wondered what he was doing. Perhaps the old Ranger was tensed. In fact, if one blamed his forefather Isildur for all that was happening it was understandable. After all he had not been smart enough to throw the doomed ring into Orodruin. And it was said somewhere that he had the gift of foresight. Then - what did he see? But why should she waste her thoughts on him when she could see the Prince of her dreams only a few feet away? And there indeed was standing Legolas, tall and handsome, taller and more handsome than Mary-Sue could ever have imagined. All this was bigger and more beautiful. Gimli, Gandalf and the other two Hobbits were nowhere to be seen (the fact that he could barely see anything in this gloom could be the reason). All seemed to be quite tensed - except Bill perhaps who was giving Sam a shove.

There from the house were coming Elrond and Gandalf. Elrond was looking every inch the Lord he was. He laid a hand on Aragorn's back and said something in elvish to him to gain is attention, for he seemed to have something to say. The ranger's head shot up immediately and he was ready to listen.

So he started with his speech: "This is my last word," he said in a low voice. "The ring-bearer is setting out on the Quest to Mount Doom. On him alone is any charge laid: neither to cast away the Ring, nor to deliver it to any servant of the Enemy nor indeed to let any handle it, save members of the Company and the White Council, and only then in the gravest need. The others go with him as free companions, to help him on his way. You may tarry, or come back, or turn aside into other paths, as chance allows. The further you go the less easy will it be to withdraw; yet no oath is laid on you to go further than you will. For you do not yet know the strength of your hearts, and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road."

Silence. Mary-Sue, having read the books a couple of time, knew that Gimli should comment the speech, but Gimli was not here! One moment, Gimli was not here? How can it be possible that nobody of the others had realized it?

Slowly, very slowly Mary-Sue lowered her head. The only thing that came from her throat was a loud

        "NO!"

before the lights of the last homely house went out and the world was covered in darkness.

Ten surprised sets of eyes looked at the unconscious dwarf.


Chapter 2 - The Fellowship sets out

~Chapter II~

~The Fellowship sets out~

Mary-Sue awakened as a grand bucket of cold water was poured out over her head. Being December, the water was freezing cold. Slowly, very slowly she opened her eyes, praying that all had been only a very bad dream. However, fate was not known for doing favours.

As her vision focused, she saw the same ten pairs of eyes. Nine were concerned, the tenth…amused, mocking. Legolas Thranduilion was leaning with a broad grin above her, in his hands the source of the water and enjoying it all. “The quest has not even begun and you are already at the end of your strength so that you can’t even support your own weight?” He leaned down a bit more as if to inspect the dwarf. “You are so small but at the same time so heavy that Aragorn and Boromir had the greatest difficulties to drag you over here.” He continued smugly. “So your inability to remain standing can certainly be understood.”

Gimli-Sue was at the furious and at the brink of tears. She had wanted him to fall in love with her, not insulting her (or the body she found herself currently in). This was not fair, it could not be possible. Why had it to be her? There were a lot of Mary-Sues running around freely after having success in luring their lust objects. But how on Arda could she, as Gimli, lure this perfect being? Dawned be the one who was responsible for all that. Valar help him if this, this…bastard got into her reach. She would get vengeance for all his evil deeds!

Gimli-Sue grumbled while she got shakily to her feet. Yes, definitely. Why hadn’t she noticed this before? How could she possibly not notice that she was small, heavy and…MALE? Only thinking about it let her shudder. She really did not want to know how Gimli look under the layers of mail and clothing. Hairy and…no, no, no! She had to stop herself of having such disgusting thoughts. She thought she had to retch.

By the Valar, why had it to be Gimli? The hobbits were cute, Aragorn and Boromir were sexy men, and Legolas was…HALT, another think she must not think about: His perfect body. One never knows how male bodies react…shit. ‘Breath, deep breaths. In and out, that’s it’. She told herself.

“Is he fine?” Another face came into her vision. It was Aragorn’s who knelt beside Legolas. “Gimli? You are really lucky you were wearing a helm at the time you fell. A blow to the head can course severe injuries.”

‘Lucky, he called me lucky!’ Gimli-Sue made a sound of distress. Misunderstanding, Aragorn knelt closer to her, real concern visible in his eyes.

“Are you alright, do you hurt somewhere?” This reaction was only adding to her fury.

“Just-Let-Me-Be lad!” I am physically fine, thank you.” She grumbled. The future king looked slightly hurt.

“Physically might be true, but mentally…” Legolas shook his head, the small smile escaping his lips betraying his indifferent façade. Gimli-Sue began to wonder how Legolas had managed to survive the quest.

“Legolas, daro*! We haven’t even left Rivendell and we have a long road ahead of us. Is to too much to ask that you two behave like the adults you are? The two of you will get me killed,” he muttered as he walked away.

“There, look what you have done!” Legolas stated matter of factly.

“Me? What have I done? I think I can remember a certain elf that poured water all over me so that I a soaked from head to toe only to insult me afterwards!” Had she really said this to the elf of her dreams? She was not getting dwarvish, was she? Hell, she reacted unconsciously like the real Gimli. She began to understand the poor dwarf; the elf had definitively earned it.

Gimli-Sue was cold, sore from the fall and miserable. And as if that were not enough he was insulted! She felt like an outcast in the Fellowship. She had no real relationship to any of them. Boromir had in Aragorn another human, Legolas and Aragorn were best friends, and the hobbits had each other. Gandalf was the wizard and he was a friend to all the people fighting for the good in the world.

Gimli heard the all-so-famous horn of Gondor being blown. ‘Wonderful, now that everyone has heard that the Fellowship is setting out, we should depart. So much to secrecy.’ “Gimli, are you coming? We don’t want to lose more time than we already have, now will we?” Gimli-Sue heard the voice of Gandalf behind her. Of course, nobody cared that she was wet and cold and night had just fallen. “That is not possible” she muttered into her beard as she trotted behind the others as they wound their way through the valley towards wooded areas of Eriador.

~*~*~*~ daro = stop


Chapter 3 - A Walk in the Dark

~Chapter III~

~A Walk in the Dark~

The night grew on and the moon rose and sank again, and still they walked in the dark, unfriendly and barren lands. Gimli-Sue was still stumbling and cursing under her breath. She was still cold and miserable and more than one time she tripped and almost fell. She cursed everything one could possibly think about. She cursed Aragorn because of his knowledge of their surroundings, the cold and the wind, Legolas’ elegant any easy movements.

‘Only good that the elf is not walking behind me. He would tease me to no end and would make some dwarf-jokes. I really could not guarantee his safety.’
She would have died of embarrassment if the elf noticed how much difficulties she had.
‘The elf, the elf has a name. I frighten myself! I am insulting him. Yes, that is just what Gimli did, was it not?’ She though sarcastically.

Suddenly Gimli-Sue stopped dead in her tracks.
‘Oh my gosh, I cannot even wield an axe, not to say throw it! What will they think of me now? I cannot even defend myself. What will happen when the wolves attak?’
Merry, how had been talking with Pippin and not seen that the Gimli-Sue had stopped, bumped into her from behind.
“Gimli, can’t you tell the others that you plan to stop? You are walking with company after all. But it seems we do not interest you.” Merry said annoyed.
“If you had just looked where you are going you would have noticed me stopping.” The Sue retorted a bit louder than she had intended.

By now those walking in front of ‘Gimli’ had realized the company behind them had stopped.
“What is going on there?!” Gandalf demanded as he passed Aragorn and Legolas and came to a stop in front of the dwarf.

“Gimli just stopped without saying anything Gandalf” Merry answered for Gimli-Sue.
“Yeah, if you had looked at me and not at the face of your silly cousin, nothing would have happened.” Gimli-Sue answered.
“Silly cousin? How dare you call Pippin silly?” Merry asked furious.
“That’s it; I’m not at all silly.” Pippin chirped in. Having stemmed his hands at either side of his hips and inclining his head to the side, he looked not really believable, Gimli-Sue thought.
‘The hobbit has done nothing as of yet, you should not insult him without a reason.’

“Gimli and Merry, you are both members of this Fellowship and we have an important quest to fulfil, but you are behaving like little children not worthy of being given any responsibility!” Gandalf barked. “If we want this Fellowship to achieve its goal, we have to hold together. You are a warrior Gimli Son of Gloin and you have to be an example to those less experienced than you.”


Gimli-Sue sighted in defeat, all of them were more experienced than herself. Of course, a warrior, Gimli was a warrior at heart. And Gimli-Sue could not even hold an axe properly. Where was the legendary strength of a classical Mary-Sue? She really began to hate this place. Worse was, she would get herself killed. She was not so sure the quest would succeed without Gimli.

“See Aragorn, it was not meant personally. It’s just his nature. He just has to annoy everybody unlucky enough to have some conversation with our short ‘friend’.”
Legolas patted Aragorn on the back in a comforting manner while throwing an evil grin in Gimli-Sues direction.

«What do you want to achieve with this childish behaviour, mellon nin. I always thought the edhil would be so proud of being superior, and now you provoke each other. You really  cannot lay the blame on the dwarf. If I remember correctly, it was you who started it all. I gather that there must be exceptions from the rule, and you must be one of them,» Aragorn hissed in elvish so that Gimli could not follow their conversation.
«We know each other for about 70 years, mellon nin. And you know perfectly well that I am no exception from your so called rule. But that is a nogoth, Aragorn. They have always been our enemy. Especially the offspring of this Gloin.»
«Then it should be time it, set an example. You do not even know the source of your animosity.» Aragorn shook his head, stubborn elves.

Gimli-Sue vowed to whomever was listening never ever wish to join the fellowship if only she would not get herself killed. She would do everything for it, even not killing the elf and being very nice to her ‘inferiors’. 

So the company marched on. It was still cold and wet and the Sue still felt very miserable. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*
As the first rays of the winter sun crept over the horizon, Gimli-Sue was at the end of her strength, never in her life had she been so exhausted. And the wind certainly did not help at all. Then the halted at last. 

As she dropped down her pack and sat heavily next to it, she noticed another thing:  She had to relieve herself! Under normal circumstances and within her own body, it would have been mad enough but in a male and hairy body…the hour of doom had finally come. She knew it, had always known that this point would com, inevitably. 

She stood up again and made some steps to the outside of the camp as she heard Aragorn’s call.
“Gimli, where are you going?”
‘Where I am going? I won’t shout the answer all over the camp, forget it!’ She felt herself blushing as she gestured to the outside.
“Won’t be long, Aragorn.” 
‘Be nice to him, he has no idea what is going on.’ She told herself firmly as walked again, her knees shaking.

‘oh, calm yourself.’ She knew she could NOT calm herself. That what she was going to do was the most disgusting thing she had ever done. And her list of deeds was long. 
And she did not even have toilet paper. She sighed a heart wrenching sigh and went in search for some kind of leaves that would fulfil their purpose.

Gimli-Sue had found a dagger of his belt which she now used to dig her hole.
When she was done she took three deep breaths and put her trousers down and set to work. It looked and felt horrible and she wanted to be finished as quickly as possible. That was the horrible reality of Middle-Earth. Tolkien had never mentioned their personal needs and so she had thought of them neither. How stupid she had been!
She didn’t even want to think of places like Caradhras or Moria where relieving oneself would be much more complicated. They stayed three days in this black pit after all.

When she was done she closed the hole again and cleaned the dagger before returning it in its sheath.

As Gimli-Sue stepped back into the camp, Bill was already unloaded . There was no sign of Aragorn or Legolas.
‘Good’, she thought ‘a moment without the elf at last. Hm, I wonder what they are doing.’

Her curiosity got the best of her and she just had to ask.
“Gandalf, where have Aragorn and the elf gone to?”
“Scouting, Master dwarf,” the Wizard answered her.
‘Sure, scouting. Perhaps for a good place to dig a hole.’

She almost burst out laughing at the mental image of the elf relieving himself.’ 
She unpacked her bedroll, sat on it and began eating supper-breakfast – or whatever they called it. They were even bickering about it.
‘They must have problems.’ She thought sarcastically.

A short time later Aragorn and Legolas came back to the camp.
“All is clear Mithrandir, we have found nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Good, now sit down and eat what Sam has prepared for the two of you.”

When all members of the fellowship had eaten their cold and cheerless meal, the watches were set. There were four two hours watches. Aragorn had the first, Gandalf the second, Legolas the third and Gimli-Sue the last. The little problem was that she would not know when the two hours where over! But she could not possibly tell them THAT! The worst thing is that she would be wakened by Legolas. She hoped he had nothing prepared for her. But at the moment she was too exhausted to think about that. She was only thankful that she had could enjoy a few hours of coherent sleep.

-------------------------------------

mellon nin - miy friend
Edhil - elves
Nogoth - dwarf


Chapter 4 - A serious Talk

~Chapter IV~

~A serious Talk~

Gimli-Sue could not think of having ever slept more uncomfortably than the last few hours. It was freezing cold, they still had east wind and she did not even posses a proper sleeping back. She had had the opportunity to get closer to some of the eriadorian stones.
To come to the point; she had barely slept at all, and that was exactly how she felt. No better than a few hours ago.

She had noticed how Gandalf had relieved Aragorn and how Legolas had relieved Gandalf.
All the others slept peacefully, except one; the fair son of Gondor tossed and turned but seemed unable to find sleep himself.
‘Interesting,’ the Sue pondered ‘what is Boromir thinking about? How his people fared? Maybe about the One Ring. He deemed it foolish to destroy the greatest weapon of the enemy. Boromir just does not know better. As a book-reader, I know exactly what the ring has done and would do in the future. But he does not know. He does not realise the extend of the ring’s power. He does not know hoe easily the noblest of men can be corrupted by it when he is shown his most secret wishes come true.’

Legolas rose Gimli-Sue without a word and laid down on his on bedroll. She yawned, rose and sat on the same log that Aragorn and Gandalf had occupied. It seemed as if Legolas preferred high vantage points. Some time later in her watch Boromir rose to his feet and sat down on the log beside her.

“Not being able to sleep, Master Boromir?

“No,” he replied softly “I am not. I have been thinking, master dwarf. It is a strange group of travellers out here in the wilds. Four hobbits, a dwarf, a wizard, an elf and two men walking towards their doom. I do not see how we can achieve victory by walking into his own land to destroy this little thing.”

‘Why is he telling me that? Hm, Gimli has said nothing concerning his opinion about the fate of the ring. Perhaps he wants me as an ally?...Or perhaps he just wants to befriend this poor, lonely dwarf.’

“Well,” she tried to choose her words carefully “the Dark Lord has poured all his power in this ring. As long as the ring exists, he will also. Our only choice to win this war is to destroy him.”

“And how will you know that when…nay, I say if we managed to take the ring to Orodruin…how will you know that can win this war? He has many allies and I do not think that they can be destroyed together with their master. There are thousands of evil creatures lurking around on the vast planes of Gorgoroth. Be assured that it has earned his name well.”

“Just trust me, Boromir. If the Dark Lord is destroyed, his minions will be also. Have hope, everything will be fine.”
“Fine? If you mean these words, you prove to be ignorant and understand nothing.” He began to pace. 

“Many decades my people have been fighting the ever-growing shadow of the east. They died for Gondor, for they love her. Were it not for us, the shadow would have spread all over Middle-Earth. We…”

“I’ve been present at the counsel, Boromir. I know what you and Gondor have done, but the ring would not help you, for it has only the power to destroy.”

Boromir sat back down on the log and sighed heavily.

“They are my people, Gimli. They are dying n daily combat and it is not within my power to help them. I only wish to help my people, Gimli, don’t you understand that?”

“I understand fully well, but it is not the right way to do it. Leave the ring to Frodo and give your sword to Gondor. And don’t forget that you come not alone, you bring hope back with you.”

“But even the sword reforged cannot defeat the enemy alone.”

“Nay, he cannot. But is it not a sign that at the hour of dire need does the rightful king return? You should be comforted that hope is come.”

They both looked at the sleeping form of Aragorn.
There was a moment’s silence until Boromir spoke again.

“How do you know about all these things, about Aragorn?”
Gimli-Sue had to think fast. She could not tell him, he would think she was crazy. She had to make a believable story.

“When Aragorn was ten years of age, she got to know my father Gloin. The circumstances do not matter. There was a time when both me and my father and Aragorn stayed in Rivendell. My father introduced us, and we talked a lot. He is a good storyteller, when he has the mind. He taught about the last alliance between men and elves and about himself.”
Gimli-Sue prayed he would take it.

“Why did you come to me and not to Aragorn or Gandalf? I am not learned in the lore of elves and men.”

“That is the point, Gimli. They look into history, at the wrongs of men. They forget that the present is not the past. Men are not weak, they posses a lot of strength in their hearts that you all overlook so easily. Not even Aragorn, who is a man himself, does see clearly.”

Gimli-Sue began to feel uncomfortable.
“You must understand that I cannot help you because being a dwarf I am an outsider concerning the affairs of men. I just want to destroy this cursed ring and have some good fights.”

“LYER!’ it screamed in Gimli-Sue’s head. She would rather run away screaming than fight these foul creatures. But she could not possibly tell him.
‘Oh, what about: Boromir, I have to tell you something. I come from a foreign universe and have the habits of fallen into Middle-Earth with the goal to get my lust object. The problem now is that I am in Gimli’s body and I can not wield my weapons nor judge the time.’ A part of her wondered how he would react. 

“So be it, it is good to know your opinion. I had not expected that you understand me or my way of thinking. Will you leave us and return to your home or stay with this strange Fellowship. We could need the axe of a dwarf. You could come to Minas Tirith and judge for yourself. Believing what one is being told is one thing, seeing it with the own eyes an entirely other.”

Silence.

“We should wake the others now. It is time that we prepare to set out again.”
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