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Title: Middle Earth Journals : Celeborn (#1531)
Author: Forest
Chapters: 1

Archive: Tolkien
Category: Lord of the Rings
Description: Celeborn's Diary from just before the Fellowship's arrival in Lorien, and just after.
Published: 18 Jan 2005
Updated: 18 Jan 2005
Warnings:
Type: Humour
Characters:


Chapter 1 - Chapter 1

Title: Middle Earth Journals: Celeborn

Author: Forest

Rating: PG

Genre: Humour

Beta: None

Cast: Celeborn. (Mentioned: Rumil, Orophin Galadriel, Haldir & Fellowship)

Disclaimer: I own no-one from The Lord Of The Rings. All the characters and place names displayed belong to JRR Tolkien. I do not intend to, nor am I making any financial gain from the writing of this story.

Feedback: Yes please! We “aspiring” authors thrive on the stuff.

Timeline: Book-Verse (Is that a word?)

Summary: Celeborn's Diary from just before the Fellowship's arrival in Lorien, and just after.


~*~


Day 254: (Just after lunch) Had a well earned lie-in this morning. Darling glowing wife even brought me breakfast in bed. However, suspect may be bribery to prune the roses this afternoon. Will act naïve to her schemes.

(Evening) Was correct. Galadriel moody all afternoon about apparently wilting roses. Will not succumb.

Day 255: No breakfast in bed today. Humph.

Day 256: Still no brekkie in bed. Hmmm.....perhaps I will tend flowerbeds as am seriously beginning to miss marmalade on toast and lemon tea of a morning

(Evening) Spent all afternoon pruning roses. Am sweat drenched, sticky and stink! Will go and have nice long soak in tub with friendly and unargumentative rubber duck. Bliss!

(Still evening, one hour later by cosy fireplace and wearing fluffy blue bathrobe) Wife better come up with the goods tomorrow morning! Grime was tough to shift, but am now smelling sweet and fragrant and feeling much less like an orc.

Day 257: Wife is now confirmed battleaxe and all round moody witch. After yesterdays hard labour, was still forced to go and make own cup of lemon tea. Mardy bint!

Day 258: Went out for early morning stroll this morning and when I returned, found bacon, eggs, buttered toast and lemon tea waiting for me! Strange….but still secretly think that we males are not capable of working out how the female mind works. Much too complicated and stressful. (Both the finding out, and the female mind itself.)

Day 259: Have sneaking suspicion Rumil has been using my male perfume again and caught a strong whiff of it as he passed on his way to border duty.

Day 260: (Evening) WHAT?! Slept in all day! How.....?

Day 261: Woke early this morning due to last night’s late wake up. Went to scour library for interesting books. Found two. One entitled “Elven Eternity And Marriage – When Two Worlds Collide” and the second called “Flopsy the Mouse goes to Battle”. Borrowed both as both appear beneficial to my real life problems.

Day 262: Forced to comfort Rumil after pet-I-had-not-heard-of apparently died. Oh well. Life goes on.

Day 263: Haldir looking more than usually stressed. Caught him looking longingly at an empty bath tub today. Did not get involved as was eager to get to library to read more of Flopsy’s daring adventures.

Day 264: Mangy wolf ambush today. Galadhrim fended wolves off. V.Good. Hmmmm….wonder if there are any doughnuts left over from supper….

Day 265: Haldir looking sprightlier. Seems he has got over mooning for bath tubs. Go him! Other half looking unusually green-tinged today. Was sure had told her those oysters were off.

Day 266: Fellowship arrived. (Finally! Wife has been on tenterhooks all week for “Halfling visitation”) Mithrandir fell in Moria. V.sad now. Going off to mope and cuddle new Flopsy Mouse plushie for comfort. *sniffle*

Day 267: Still sad. Cannot face world.

Day 268: Found courage in heart to face world again. Lorien stinks of human….something. Am going off to purchase a large peg.

Day 269: Fellowship have left. Gifts were given, but am annoyed. Wife gave Ringbearer MY bottle of glow-in-the-dark aftershave that SHE bought me for MY last begetting day! Stupid wife had audacity to call it the “Phial of Galadriel”. Pah! What use exactly will that be to a Halfling whose lingo doesn’t hold the words “soap”, “later” and “shower”?

Got one over on Halflings though as hired a couple of down-on-their-luck-moneywise elves to rig the boats. Har-Har!


Day 270: New jacuzzi arrived yesterday. Bought by me as a “Cheer up” pressie for me. Am feeling happier. 

Day 271: Ate funny tasting supper tonight. Am positive chicken is not supposed to taste like warm cauliflower.

Day 272: Gah! Up all last night throwing up insides. Chicken cannot have been safe to eat, that I am now sure of. Feeling groggy.

(Later) To add insult to injury, new cheer-me-up jacuzzi broke. 

Day 273: Hurrah, hurrah! Am feeling A no.1. Nausea has passed. Sent jacuzzi off to be fixed and collectors edition of “Flopsy goes Shopping” arrived today. Life is v.good.
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