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Title: Bill's Evil Plan to Take over the World (#157)
Author: Julie327
Chapters: 1

Archive: Tolkien
Category: Lord of the Rings
Description: A short story going into the mind of the faithful pony Bill
Published: 03 Aug 2003
Updated: 03 Aug 2003
Warnings: None
Type: Humour
Characters: Bill the Pony, Samwise Gamgee


Chapter 1 - Bill's Evil Plan to Take Over the World

“It has come to me,” I murmur. I stare in wonder at the
small gold circle that holds so much power. The Precious is mine.

 

My “masters” are sleeping and have no idea what I have done.
While the “special one” (notice my charming sarcasm) slept, I carefully and
cleverly slipped the Circle out of his pocket. By the time they have risen from
their slumber, I shall be far away from them, eating the best grass in Middle
Earth, gazing at the lovely fillies surrounding me.

 

“I shall become known as Bill: The Supreme Ruler of the
Ponies. No, Master of the Horses. Emperor of the Burdened Beasts! Yes, I like
that one.” I gingerly pick the Circle up with my teeth. I must put it somewhere
safe.

 

I try my ear, but it seems that every time I turn, my ear
eludes me. This is frustrating indeed.

 

“Ash nazg thrakatulûk , agh burzum-ishi krimpatul,” a voice
whispers in my ear. I let out a terrified whinny.

 

“Who’s saying that? And why are you talking to a pony?” I
gasp, dropping the Circle.

 

“Bring me the Ring, Bill” it whispers.

 

“Why? Holy… you heard my thoughts! And I thought I had
special abilities.”

 

“Put the Ring on, Bill, let my slaves come and find you,”
the voice is sweet and soft now, much like my mother’s gentle neigh. Should I
not put on the Ring for my mother? I want her to be happy, especially after all
those horrible years of stealing her harnesses, eating her hay, blaming her for
the crap on Gamgee’s tomatoes, kicking her stallion in the…

 

“I’ll do anything for you, mother,” I say hurriedly (I don’t
want her to remember those things too), and begin to slip the Ring on my
finger- wait! Something’s not right here.

 

“Um, Mother, if you are my mother, I have a little problem
here. You see, I don’t have fingers. I have hooves but they’re too fat. I think
I’ll just give it back to my owner.” My mother hisses in frustration.

 

“Just give it to me!” She shouts, exasperated.

 

“Why should I? I mean, you can’t do anything with it, you’re
dead!” I gallop back to the special hobbit and give the Circle back.

 

I’ve decided that I’ll have to put my dreams of riding- I
mean, ruling the fillies on hold for the moment. I mean, after all, it isn’t
even mating-

 

“Time to go, Frodo, Sam,” the tall one they call Strider,
says. I watch as my fat master rises, and yawns, his fat little face shaking
off the sleep.

 

“Morning, Bill,” he says to me, patting my cheek. I neigh
softly, affectionately, and wait for a chance to bite off his chubby finger-
oh, well. He got away.

 

“One day, fatso,” I vow, “one day when you bend over in
front of me, I will kick you so hard you won’t be able to stand up or sit down.
You’ll have to walk on four legs, like me.”

 

Before I take over the pony world, I have to get rid of my
only obstacle: Samwise Gamgee. And when, and I mean when (notice my confidence
and healthy self-esteem) I do, all ponies, horses, donkey, and mules will bow
to me!

 
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