Closer

Story Downloaded from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net)

Title: Closer (#2188)
Author: Katzilla
Chapters: 2

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Archive: Tolkien
Category: Alternate Universe (AU)
Description: Sequel to "A Rohan Ghost Story" - In the wake of Gríma's assassination attempt, Éomer finds that there are many ghosts left to battle ... but first he must realise that he stands not alone in the fight. - Chapter 2 up!
Published: 24 Aug 2005
Updated: 31 Aug 2005
Warnings: Adult Themes, Angst
Type: Angst
Characters: Éomer, Lothíriel, Elrond

Chapter 1 - Éomer

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Disclaimer:

All characters and locations in this story have sprung from J.R.R. Tolkien�s imagination. As much as I would like to own �omer, I don�t. But there�s nothing wrong with having a little fun with him, right?

Warnings:

Nothing disturbing in this fic (at least I think so), so it should be suitable for everybody.

Author�sNotes:

Many readers commented after reading �A Rohan Ghost Story� and �Twilight of the Gods� (also on this site), that they would be interested in reading more about �omer�s recovery and the time he spent at Imladris together with Loth�riel. It took me a while until inspiration hit me (thank you, Vandala!) , but I do hope you enjoy this rather melancholic piece. As always, feedback will be most appreciated!

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He woke with a start, the words and last images of his dream so vivid he could hear the cries of the wounded and the dying as they stumbled through the streets, their eyes wide with terror and reflecting the raging fire that raised the village of Isendras to the ground. He could even smell the smoke.

Grima�s voice. Accusatory, pretending grief. That accursed silken sound, snaking its way into his ears and into his mind; where it had nestled in and then sprouted hooks and claws to prevent that it could ever be removed again.

Squeezing his eyes shut in a vain attempt to force the torturous memory out of his head, �omer rolled onto his back and ran a hand over his sweat-beaded face and through his damp hair. For a while, nothing existed apart from the thunder of his own heartbeat and his suppressed rapid breaths. The dreams ought to be gone by now, he thought. Eight months had passed since his captivity, but to his dismay he found now that with the slow healing of his body, the nightmares had likewise gained strength. The hole in his shoulder had almost healed by now; good friends like Aragorn and Elfhelm had been there for him in the time of his need; �owyn had travelled the distance from Ithilien to Edoras to help his recovery, and only four months ago, he had wedded the daughter of Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth in a ceremony which had left nothing to be desired. So much good had happened to him in the wake of his captivity, so why was he not dreaming of these events instead of screaming and bleeding people and accusations which ripped his soul apart every night?

�omer waited a moment longer for his accelerated breathing to subside, before he turned to see whether his unconscious reactions to the dream had woken his wife. He was thankful to find Loth�riel still asleep; her breathing deep and regular, with no indication that she was sensing her husband�s distress. For a moment, the sight of her peaceful form painted a faint smile onto his gaunt face as the Rohirrim King regarded his wife with all the wonder of a man who cannot comprehend how he has deserved so much good in life. How could she be his? Was this a dream within the dream, and Loth�riel just the product of his fevered mind, gone once he woke from it? Four months into their marriage, he was still afraid that it was so, and not even the silken sensation of her hair underneath his fingertips entirely convinced �omer, as he moved his hand gingerly over the black, shimmering tresses on her pillow. Part of the dark flood had fallen over her face, and once again �omer found himself gazing spellbound at Loth�riel�s delicate features, silently admiring the slightly slanted cut of her eyes, her high and noble cheekbones and the full lips, slightly parted in sleep. His wife.

When his friend Imrahil of Dol Amroth had first mentioned the possibility of a union of their two countries in such a way, �omer had been sceptical. A political marriage was a foreign idea to the Rohirrim, who were a passionate and straightforward people. Choosing a partner for life was a matter of the heart, not of considerations regarding ones own standing or political implications. The thought of sharing a house and bed with a person one didn�t love was unknown in the Riddermark. And yet, �omer had not outright rejected the Prince�s suggestion. He knew how much his friend loved and cared for his children; he would take all measures possible to ensure that his daughter found happiness. And he had already made the acquaintance of Loth�riel�s brothers and had found them pleasant and enjoyable company. There was no reason for him to believe that their sister would be different. And Imrahil would never have made the suggestion had he felt that the two of them would not be a match.

The business had been of the utmost delicacy. Not wanting to insult his friend, �omer had bided his time, even though he had felt most unsure. Marry a woman he didn�t know? A woman he had never seen or spoken with? She wasn�t even from Rohan! How could the lifestyle of the Mark suit a young woman who had spent her entire life at a noble Gondorian court? It was hard to imagine.

And yet, deep within his mind, the knowledge that his own sister would soon leave and he would be utterly alone for the first time in his life had made him susceptible to Imrahil�s proposal. Even though �owyn had still been present at the time of his decision and his first days as ruler of his people had been filled with work, the notion of loneliness had already settled in his thoughts to taunt him at night. The truth was that nothing, not even their desperate charge against the Dark Lord�s army on the Pelennor Fields, had frightened �omer as much as the prospects of losing �owyn. She was the last of his kin, his little sister he had fought to protect his entire life. With her gone, who would be there to talk to, to understand his worries and needs? Who would be there for him to confide the things to he would never tell anybody else? More than once had he cursed the Prince of Ithilien in these long hours for stealing �owyn away from him, at the same time knowing how selfish and ungrateful he was being to think so. After all, it had been Faramir as much as Aragorn who had given his sister back to him cured from her despair, and full of life and joy again. For that deed, the Steward of Gondor could have asked anything from him, and that he would ask for the treasure he had rescued was only fair. No, as daunting as the prospects of losing �owyn were, �omer had decided that he would not stand between her and happiness. Somehow, he would have to succeed in finding happiness for himself, and somewhere in these long dark nights of endless pondering, he had reached his decision.

A slow, loving smile spread over �omer�s face as he regarded Loth�riel�s peaceful futures. He had been wrong to ever doubt Imrahil. The Prince knew people well, and apparently, had seen right through him. It was a wonder how close �omer already felt with his wife after only four months. Loth�riel had been shy when she had first arrived in Edoras on the day before their wedding. Shy, but unafraid. A creature so delicate and graceful that �omer had at once felt the need to protect her, even though, as he found out in the course of the next weeks, she wasn�t nearly as vulnerable as her appearance had led him to believe. Her manners had been so impeccable that �omer himself had felt like a brute next to her, even though he had tried to be at his gallant best. And Loth�riel had honoured his efforts by granting him little smiles here and there, increasingly more often the more she felt as ease around him. Her quiet friendliness and willingness to learn about the way of Rohan life had won the people of his household over, and just before they had gone on their great journey north to Imladris to both introduce the queen to the people and cure their king of the after-effects of his captivity, Loth�riel had begun to make the first, slight rearrangements in Meduseld. It had been little things only, like having flowers brought twice a week to decorate the rooms with and lighten the grave mood in the ancient hall, but the fact that Loth�riel had undertaken them had told �omer that she had finally begun to settle down and feel at home. In a way, it was regrettable that they had left for Rivendell at this time, thus interrupting this process; and yet to his great joy, �omer had found that his wife�s efforts to settle into the new situation had focussed on him in these foreign surroundings. Knowing that the reason for their visit at Lord Elrond�s domain was to cure her husband from the damage done to him both spiritually and bodily by an old enemy a few months prior to their wedding, Lothiriel was doing everything she could to help the process and be as close to him as possible.

The smile dropped from his lips. It had been a strange discovery for �omer to find that that was where their closeness ended. To their shared frustration, he felt unable to speak to her about the events which had almost cost his life. About the guilt he felt for the death of so many people, and the shame for crimes he knew by now he hadn�t even committed. At first, he had kept it inside, the fierce warrior inside of him afraid of letting people know of his vulnerability, hoping that the memory would fade with the passing of time, as it had happened with the many horrible events in his life. The death of his parents, the decline of his uncle into madness through the poison of the White Wizard and his minion Wormtongue and even Th�oden�s death. The loss of Th�odred and the battles of the Hornburg, the Pelennor and the Black Gates, the intensity of all that had already faded to the point where he could talk about it. And yet the things Gr�ma had whispered into his ears while he had been under the influence of his poison refused to fade to mere memory. After all these months, they were still haunting him in his sleep, and the weakness of his injured shoulder reminded him of it during the daytime. It had gotten to the point where he had no longer been able to pretend his wellbeing to the people around him, and finally Gamling had convinced him to follow the suggestion Aragorn had made about seeing Lord Elrond for help and taking his wife along. The time they were spending together away from home helped to intensify their closeness, and yet the barricade to his innermost thoughts could not be penetrated.

As if she was feeling his attention, Loth�riel stirred ever so slightly in her sleep, an involuntary and almost inaudible sigh escaping her lips, and delicately arched eyebrows were briefly drawn together in concern as if she had read his thoughts.

��omer?� The one hand that was already lying on his side stretched a little further in her unconscious search, and he took it and gently brushed his lips over her fingers, murmuring soothingly, for he felt that she was close to waking, but not quite awake yet. �Where are you?�

�Sssh...� he made, the words barely whispers in the silence of their room. �I am here, Loth�riel. Go back to sleep.� He kissed the tips of her fingers and saw her satisfied reaction in the slowly spreading smile on her face. His heart felt a little lighter.

�I was dreaming... you had gone away.� The smile faded and was replaced by an expression of vague sadness.

�It was only a dream, my love. I am here, and I will not leave you. Ever.� His gaze resting intently on her face, �omer kissed her fingers again, slowly watching Loth�riel sink back into the deeper reaches of sleep. When he was certain that she would not wake, he cautiously laid her hand back onto the sheet and sat up. Finding rest any time soon was out of the question, and lying on his back staring at the ceiling with nothing to distract his mind from the awful sounds and images which had woken him was the last thing he wished for, so he stood up. The coolness of the marble floor underneath his naked feet was soothingly realistic as he silently slipped into his shirt and trousers. At the door, he cast one last look back at Loth�riel. She seemed to be dreaming again, for her eyes were moving behind their lids, and her brow again creased. Hoping that he was not the source of his wife�s unconscious worry, �omer slipped out of the luxurious chambers Lord Elrond had given them for their stay in Rivendell, and soundlessly closed the door behind him. For a moment, he listened into the silence. Apart from the distant sound of the river, everything remained quiet, and he turned to follow the muffled rushing of the water.

The corridor and halls he passed through seemed deserted, but the last three weeks they had spent here had taught him that elves never slept. Even though none of their hosts had mentioned his nightly forays in their conversations, �omer�s own instincts were acute enough to tell him that they knew about them. Sensing into the darkness, the Rohirrim King silently stepped out onto the great terrace overlooking the waterfall. Its mighty voice was soothing in its monotony, and the moonlight danced on the falling water like a living thing, for a moment entrancing him as he stared into the silver sparkling. How often had he stood here in the middle of the night since their arrival? How often had he searched for peace of mind in the falling waters of the Bruinen without finding it? And would there ever come a time when the river�s voice would drown out those of the dying people of the village of Is�ndras, who had sacrificed themselves for him? Soundlessly sighing to himself, �omer stared into the flood, suddenly feeling an unexplainable pull toward it. Down there, all worries would end. All nightmares would cease in the river�s cool embrace...

�You should speak with her,� a grave voice suddenly woke him from his reverie, and as he turned around with the speed of a man caught at a forbidden act and with a guilty conscience for his bleak thoughts, �omer found himself looking into the ageless eyes of his mighty host. Heat crept into his face at the elf�s scrutiny, and �omer wondered how much Elrond could read in his expression.

�My Lord?�

There was an incredible depth to the grey eyes regarding him. He felt naked under their stare. What could he possibly hide from the ancient being? For his friend Aragorn, dealings with the elves were normal, nothing out of the ordinary, but although he had fought at their side in the great battle, �omer still felt awkward around them. Like a child in the presence of esteemed warriors with endless experience.

�You know of whom I speak.� Elrond said quietly. �You shut her out, and it is helping neither you nor her. She is desperate to help you, but you won' let her in. Yet even the mighty King of Rohan might have to resort to means he would not have taken into consideration before to cure himself of the damage done. I can only help you to a certain degree. I can do something about your wounded shoulder. Healing your wounded spirit is something only you and the people you care for can do. Secluding yourself from them won�t do any good.�

No, there was no point in hiding. Guiltily averting his eyes to gaze once more at the water, �omer bit his lip.

�I do not want to burden Loth�riel with these things. She knows what happened, but what good would it do if I told her about the faces of the dying people and their agonised screams? Having her share my nightmares would not be the source of comfort I seek.�

Not taking offence at his evasive stance, Elrond stepped up the young king to likewise look into the nightly valley.

�Yet these are the very things which torment you, Lord �omer. By holding them inside, they will never cease to haunt your thoughts. Set them free, and they will gradually vanish. They will wander away like horses let out of a corral.�

Despite the bleakness of his thoughts, �omer found himself smiling at the Elf Lord�s imagery. He turned his head.

�I appreciate your effort of choosing images a Rohirrim such as myself can understand, Lord Elrond, and yet I must admit that I am sceptical. These horses, to use the image you�ve created, like to stay where they�re being fed. Why should they leave?�

Elrond did not return the faint smile.

�Then you�ll have to stop feeding them,� he replied cryptically. �Or, better yet, you need to put them to work. Make them work hard, so that they want leave on their own accord.�

�omer furrowed his brow.

�I am not sure I understand.�

�These memories which are haunting you, they thrive because of your denial. In the daytime, you lock them away and pretend they don�t exist, but each night, they escape your control, and the result is that you are out here with thoughts running through your head of drowning yourself in the river.�

�omer frowned. So Elrond knew everything.

�And now you suggest that I tell Loth�riel of how I am responsible for the annihilation of almost an entire village and more than half an �ored? I knew these men for most of my life, and they trusted me. They died freeing me from Wormtongue�s clutches. They were murdered by hideous creatures in the most gruesome ways, and part of my �ored was swept from a mountain into an abyss by an avalanche. The people of Is�ndras... they lost everything in the riot! They did it to free me, and for that, those monsters burnt their village to the ground and killed everyone in their path, not caring whether it was man or woman!� Involuntarily, �omer had raised his voice at the elven lord, and only now that he was running out of words did he notice. Embarrassed of his bad conduct, he cleared his throat. �I am sorry. I didn�t mean to...�

�See, you can talk about it,� the Eldar said instead, oblivious to the sharp tone of his guest. �It is a beginning. Tell her. She wants to help you, and you need it. She believes that you don�t trust her, and it is paining her. You�d have to be blind not to see it.�

�Did she talk to you about it? Did she complain to you?� The thought that Loth�riel might have confided in someone else about this business caused a brief flash of jealousy in him, even if �omer knew that it had been he who had driven her to this desperate measure. And yet Elrond shook his head.

�You know better than to ask me this. It would be a breach of trust Loth�riel would never commit� and yet her silence and posture gives her away regardless. Her sadness is like a beacon. Cure her of it, �omer of Rohan, and cure yourself at the same time. This is the best advice I can give you.� He fell silent. His intense gaze still on his opposite, he added: �Here is your chance, my king, for your wife is approaching.�

Chapter 2 - Lothìriel

CLOSER � Part 2

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He was not there when she woke, the blanket on his side of the bed cold to her touch. Her eyes resting on the disturbed sheets without really seeing, Loth�riel sank slowly back into her pillow, a soundless sigh escaping her lips as a well-known coldness settled into her stomach. She should have grown accustomed to this way of waking by now, she admonished herself, for it had been the same almost every night since their arrival, and even back in Meduseld. Only a short while ago, she had still heard �omer�s reassuring voice, and now he was gone. Once again haunted by the horrors he dared not to share with her.

Loth�riel closed her eyes in a vain attempt to fight the feeling of jarring helplessness which was rising in her. It was no secret to her where to find �omer, and neither was it that he wanted to be left alone. Yet what was her purpose as his wife, if not to help her husband in this time of need? The oath they both had taken demanded from them to be there for each other in good times and in bad times. She was ready and more than willing to be there for him now, and yet he stubbornly refused to let her in.

In the course of the first weeks at her new home, she had obeyed �omer�s unspoken wish to deal with the pain of his soul alone. Hardly knowing her husband then and having yet much to learn about proper conduct at the Rohan court, Loth�riel had at first accepted that it was not her place to ask about the shadow which wandered over his handsome face whenever he deemed himself alone. She knew how difficult men could be in their denial, be it physical pain or mental anguish; as a sister to three older brothers, it was a phenomenon she was well acquainted with. It was a matter of pride for every warrior to deny their weakness, and while Loth�riel understood part of that urge, it could also be infuriating. Why was it that men always thought they�d have to brave all hardships on their own and carry the world upon their shoulders, instead of just accepting help that was willingly offered?

Her gaze travelled back to �omer�s pillow. What was she to think? From the tellings of her father, she had perceived a notion of the immense sense of pride of the Rohirrim King long before she had met him. And when she had finally stood before him and looked into those large brown eyes, which had at the same time been intimidating and inspiring in their self-confidence and determination, she had felt proud herself of her soon-to-be warrior king-husband. But where was that self-confidence now, that unspoken promise that he could master whatever came his way? The man she was spending her time with at this ancient city of the elves, was but a shadow of �omer�s old self. Where had her warrior gone?

With the weeks after her wedding passing and the king�s state of mind deteriorating to the point where he frequently woke them both in the middle of the night by tossing and turning and uttering anguished groans in his sleep, Loth�riel had finally taken her heart into both hands and dared to ask the forbidden question� and had found herself running into a wall. They were only dreams, �omer had said curtly, and clearly not wanting to talk about the subject. They were unpleasant, but harmless, and they would pass with time. His voice had been firm, but a brief flicker of doubt in those dark eyes had belied his true feelings even as he spoke.

It had been this flicker which had worried her more than anything else. If one thing was known about the people of the Mark, it was that they never lied, and yet �omer had lied straight into her face. Lack of experience in this art had betrayed him, and yet Loth�riel had found herself at a loss as to what to do with her worrisome knowledge.

Deciding that this was not the way things could go on between them, she stood up and slipped into the thin robe she wore within the confines of their chambers. The elves never slept, but even so, they would most likely be in their own chambers at this time of night, resting, and even if she met any of them, they would be too polite to intrude or comment on her inappropriate dressing. Not that it mattered to her. She had more important things to do right now than care about her clothes� like saving her marriage, even though it was only four months old. Silently she made her way to the door, all the while asking herself what she was supposed to tell �omer when all her pleading before had not succeeded in penetrating the wall he had built around himself. She was afraid of the confrontation. Either tonight would be a turning point for the both of them, or� The answer would not come to her. What if she failed again? What if she would have to realise tonight that all that was possible in her marriage to �omer of Rohan was a life of pretence? A display of fake harmony acted out for their people, when in reality, they were living side by side without understanding, without closeness, and without � love? Her lips tightened to a grim, bloodless line. She would sooner die than live a lie.

Fear of the vision in front of her inner eyes accelerated her steps as if she could run from it. And yet, as she reached the terrace, Loth�riel found something unexpected, and it caused a flicker of hope to shine through the bleakness of her thoughts: �omer was there by the railing, but he was not alone. Her heart jumped into her throat as the Elf Lord next to him slowly turned to face her with a knowing expression. For a few heartbeats, their eyes met, and she knew that he was passing on a task to her. This would be a first, most serious test for the Queen of Rohan, with a goal no one else could achieve. As Elrond passed her on the way back inside to leave the couple the needed privacy, Loth�riel inclined her head in an almost imperceptible nod to tell him that she understood , and then shifted her attention back to her warily waiting husband.

The atmosphere seemed decidedly unreal to her as she hesitantly stepped out into the opening. The mighty voice of the river and the fine spray of water that reached them even up here, a sparkling mist of myriads of diamonds in the silken darkness, set aflame by the light of the moon, they led her to question whether she was really awake or walking through a dream land. There were other voices around them, too, the soothing song of the wind and the hushed sound of nightly birds as they passed above their heads. At night, the magic of Imladris was breathtaking, and Loth�riel would have liked to stop and appreciate it, but it was not what she had come for.

She sought �omer�s gaze. His expression was one she hadn�t seen so far, reluctance and at the same time insecurity written in his dark eyes which told her that she might have a chance, if only she found the right words and managed to keep her up-welling emotions under control. Right now, they would only hinder her from achieving what she set out to do. Perhaps she had to be cruel to force the strong, but wounded warrior in front of her to see the light. A few strides apart from him, Loth�riel came to a halt. Her posture was regal and erect as she stood in the unreal moonlight, her slender fingers clenching the collar of her robe the only sign giving away the tension she felt as she braced herself for the confrontation.

�You told me you would never leave me, �omer. Yet when I woke, you were not there. I did not dream those words, did I?� He said nothing at that, and an edge crept into her voice, a hint of accusation, as she lifted her gaze to look him straight into the eyes. �How many more times will I have to wake up in the middle of the night to find your side of the bed empty and cold, and know that you would rather share your desperation with the moon than with me, your wife? How long do you mean for this to continue?� She fell silent, longing for comfort in �omer�s strong arms, but reluctant to take those last few steps over to him. He would have to be the one taking them this time; it could not always be she who did all the yielding. The hurt in his expression pained her, but she could not help it now.

�I told you why, Loth�riel. It is for the best. It is not necessary for us both to suffer from nightmares. This will pass. I just need more time.�

His words made her furious, and she could no longer hold the anger she felt inside, as her voice hardened.

�How much more time are you asking for then, my lord? This has been going on for months, and from what I have seen, it is getting worse, not better. Do you honestly think seeing you suffer does not cause me nightmares as well? Do you think that I can spend my days in joyful bliss despite seeing the dark circles underneath your eyes and your haunted expression whenever I look into your face? What do you take me for, �omer, that you would think I could ignore your plight? Do I deem you as a cold, heartless person?�

Taken aback by her unexpected forcefulness, �omer took a step forth, wanting to take her into his arms and thus end the argument he had successfully been avoiding for so long. But she stepped back, thus denying him the easy solution. Sighing, he shook his head. Why could she not have slept on?

�Do not put words in my mouth I haven�t said, Loth�riel. I stated my reasons quite clearly, I believe, and repeatedly so. I know that you are a warm-hearted and sensitive person; one who always has an open ear for everybody, be they of royal blood or of the ordinary folk. This is how you won over the people at Edoras. It is part of how you won me over. But it is also this very sensitivity which made me decide the way I did.�

She lifted her chin in defiance, not shrinking from his harsh tone.

�You think I know nothing about the ugliness of battle? Or about what war does to people, is that it?�

�You�ve spent your life at your father�s court, which, from what I know, was a sheltered haven even during the dark years. You cannot know.�

�And there you would be wrong, my lord,� she replied heatedly, infuriated by his ignorance. The knuckles holding her robe together turned white, so hard was she clenching her fingers in the fabric. �Dol Amroth was no isolated island, floating in another realm removed from the concerns of the rest of Arda�s people. We, too, were in the midst of the war, and attacked more than once by the corsairs and the minions of the Dark Lord. My father and my brothers are captains of our army, and battle called them away more often then they were at home. They, too, have seen horrible things, �omer! Things that shattered them, things that made them question the gods we believe in. How often have I held my brothers in my arms, trying to comfort them after they returned from a battle they couldn�t win, or only at a high cost. Often, the tidings of the invasion came late, and when they arrived at the attacked villages, there was nothing and no one left to save. War left its mark on all of us, whether you will believe it or not!�

�But you-�

�I�ve seen what happened to the people with my own very eyes, �omer! My hands were reddened by their blood! And yet you are accusing me of ignorance? Do you honestly believe that the Mark was the only land that was ravaged by the war?�

�omer listened to her forceful rebuke silently, inwardly cringing at the awkwardness of their argument. He did not want to fight with Loth�riel. Why could she not let it go? And yet he found that her words had woken his interest. Surely his friend Imrahil had not allowed Loth�riel to leave the sheltered city in those days of uncertainty, had he?

�I am not accusing you of anything, Loth�riel, except perhaps intruding when I told you to leave me alone. But tell me what you were speaking of now.�

�I saw the victims of the closer settlements, whenever they were brought to the city for treatment. There were too many for the few healers in the villages, so they brought them to Dol Amroth on carts or horses, provided they were strong enough to ride. I felt so useless when I saw them. I wanted to help them, so I went to assist the healers. They were treating people who were burnt beyond recognition, people with gaping wounds, or whose limps they had to take off because they could not rescue them. I could only do little things, like handing over instruments or bandages to the healers, or organise that they would be brought fresh supplies of healing herbs, but I saw the damage done, �omer, and I saw it up close. For days I would sit with the wounded, talking with them and trying to relief them of at least some of their pain. I made promises to dying people I knew I wouldn�t be able to keep, just to give them some piece of mind. I know the face of war personally, my lord, so don�t take your wife for a pampered little princess who has only looked up into the skies to admire the birds, while the ground she was treading upon was saturated with blood. It would be most insulting to me.�

The silence following her outburst was deafening. �omer�s mind reeled with the new revelations, as the delicate woman in front of him, a woman he had believed to be familiar with by now, unveiled a very different side to her personality. Once again, her frail appearance had fooled him. He could only shake his head in consternation, and his voice was rough when he said:

�I � I apologise, Loth�riel, if my words insulted you. I most certainly did not mean to. I just�� Bema, why was it so hard to say it out loud? And why did he feel so awkward around her all of a sudden? �It may sound strange to your ears, but I� I did not want to have your purity soiled by the ugliness of this world.� There, it was out now, and heat crept into his face in anticipation of her reaction. He had never been good with words. In his times as a Rider of the Mark, women had battled for his attention because of his rank, and because of his physical prowess. Because of the reputation of the famous Rohirrim. They had never expected poetry from him.

Her expression softened as she heard his words, but her expression was sad.

�But I am not the innocent creature you believe me to be, my king. You want to put me on a pedestal, but I do not fit there. You have this idea of innocence and purity, almost of sanctity, but it does not exist! Not even the Valar themselves would match your ideal! They�ve led wars, they spilled blood. No being could ever come close to what you want, �omer, you must let it go!� And suddenly, she found herself in his arms, not even knowing whether it had been she who had taken those last steps separating them or he. His touch felt so good, but she could not afford to let herself be distracted when they were at the heart of their problem.. ��omer��

�I do not want to see you getting harmed, no matter in what way,� he declared forcefully, almost desperate. �Please, understand it, Loth�riel. With �owyn far away in Ithilien, the last of my kin is gone. I am alone. I could not take losing you, too.�

�But you cannot lock me into a cage, �omer. And you cannot stop the world from hurting the people you love by trying to shut it out. In fact, you are making it harder for them to survive it if you force them to meet it unprepared.� She caressed his face, her eyes pleading. �Don�t you see, my love? If I knew nothing of these things, how could I ever defend myself if destiny found me despite your efforts? Strength comes not from ignorance, �omer, strength comes from experience. And I am experienced in these things, whether you like it or not. Make use of my knowledge! Confide in me, and let us both overcome this. Emerge from this experience stronger than you have been, and let me help you on that path. You don�t have to be strong for the both of us; I�ve got my own strength to add. And together we will be invincible. �omer? Please?�
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