Bird In God's Garden

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Title: Bird In God's Garden (#3854)
Author: NancyBrooke
Chapters: 2

Archive: Tolkien
Category: Lord of the Rings
Description: The Fate of the Blue Wizards Response to Challenge #101: Reflection, and inspired by Alassante, who suggested the character(s). Story is 500 words; length approved by Challenge Mod
Published: 05 Aug 2008
Updated: 05 Aug 2008
Warnings: A final moment of *yucch*
Type: Angst
Characters: Blue Wizards; Alatar; Pallando

Chapter 1 - Notes, Inspirations etc.

In Gratitude:
Thanks to Alassante for challenging me to write about the Blue Wizards.
Thanks to Haleth and Sulriel for betaing and critiquing.

Disclaimer
The relationship depicted between the two Blue Wizards is not in any way intended to be homosexual or incestuous.

Background Text
From Unfinished Tales, �The Istari�
'the Istari, being clad in bodies of Middle-earth, might even as Men and Elves fall away from their purposes and do evil, forgetting the good in the search for power to effect it.

For it is said indeed that being embodied the Istari had needs to learn much anew by slow experience, and though they knew whence they came the memory of the Blessed Realm was to them a vision from afar off, for which (so long as they remained true to their mission) they yearned exceedingly. Thus by enduring of free will the pangs of exile and the deceits of Sauron they might redress the evils of that time.

But this would imperil them, dimming their wisdom and knowledge, and confusing them with fears, cares, and weariness coming from the flesh.'
- J.R.R. Tolkien

Notes on �The Istari�
'� telling of a council of the Valar, summoned it seems by Manw� ("and maybe he called upon Eru for counsel?" ), at which it was resolved to send out three emissaries to Middle-earth. "Who would go? For they must be mighty, peers of Sauron, but must forgo might, and clothe themselves in flesh so as to treat on equality and win the trust of Elves and Men. But this would imperil them, dimming their wisdom and knowledge, and confusing them with fears, cares, and weariness coming from the flesh." But two only came forward: Curumo, who was chosen by Aul�, and Alatar, who was sent by Orom�. Then � Manw� replied that he wished Ol�rin to go as the third messenger to Middle-earth (and it is remarked in parentheses that "Ol�rin was a lover of the Eldar that remained," apparently to explain Manw�'s choice).

The note ends with the statement that Curumo [Saruman] took Aiwendil [Radagast] because Yavanna begged him, and that Alatar took Pallando as a friend. On another page of jottings clearly belonging to the same period it is said that "Curumo was obliged to take Aiwendil to please Yavanna wife of Aul�." There are here also some rough tables relating the names of the Istari to the names of the Valar: Ol�rin to Manw� and Varda, Curumo to Aul�, Aiwendil to Yavanna, Alatar to Orom�, and Pallando also to Orom� (but this replaces Pallando to Mandos and Nienna).

The meaning of these relations between Istari and Valar is clearly, in the light of their brief narrative just cited, that each Istar was chosen by each Vala for his innate characteristics � perhaps even that they were members of the "people" of that Vala �

Whereas in the essay on the Istari it is said that the two who passed into the East had no names save Ithryn Luin "the Blue Wizards" (meaning of course that they had no names in the West of Middle-earth), here they are named, as Alatar and Pallando, and are associated with Orom�.'
- Christopher Tolkien

Chapter 2 - Bird In God's Garden

I am a bird in God�s garden
And I do not belong to this dusty world
For a day or two they have locked me here
In this cage of my own body
- Richard Thompson

Across the Shadowy Seas we came, heeding the call of Orom�, newly clothed in the flesh of Manw�: Alatar and Pallando, inseparable, indistinguishable, brothers in so much more than birth. Alatar and Pallando, Pallando and Alatar, we felt Manw�s wind fresh upon new faces, heeded Ulmo�s song with new ears, and saw with new eyes how together they pushed the boat along to Arda, and an unnamable hunger began to grow within us.

Eastward, ever eastward, we went rejoicing in all the perfect imperfections of Ill�vatar�s creation, joyfully hunting all that flesh would show: the ways of Ill�vatar�s children and of Aul�s, of the beasts and Yavanna�s growing things; our hunger to know and be known racing us ever onward. Time meant nothing; we thought nothing of waiting silently, unmoving, for seasons to change and patterns to disclose themselves. Alatar and Pallando; Pallando and Alatar: indomitable, unquenchable. Only if you left me did I count the moments until you would return, any discovery colorless and vaporous until I could see my thoughts reflected in your understanding.

Eastward, ever eastward � until, accepting the guidance of Curunir, our searches brought us at last among the Easterlings.

And I know what you thought, for your words unspoken echoed in my head: who more than these would benefit from our learning? They so lawless, we so keen; from them, we thought, what could we not learn? To them, we thought, what might we not teach? So we strayed, after so many years of wandering � Alatar and Pallando; Pallando and Alatar: benevolent, munificent. They received us as gods and, for a time, we turned the love of Sauron from their hearts and sought to do them good.

Time passed, though the years settled only lightly upon us and easily, thoughtlessly, we brushed them from our shoulders. But in the realm of Arda all things have their ends, and a shadow of distrust crept among the Easterlings. Thus we were ensnared, and thus we were imprisoned.

They fed us, so we lived: Alatar and Pallando; Pallando and Alatar: eternal, unending. At times, they would light fires beneath our cell of sweet woods and aromatic attars and together we would fall, freed for a time from our bodies, babbling into a stupor of green fields and white shores leaving, when it passed, only an unquenchable yearning, each time more unbearable than the last, for what we could not remember nor ever quite forget.

How long did we stay thus? Inescapable � I can hardly ask the question without your voice to answer. I cannot even know what I have become without the reflection of your face, the sound of your voice, the transparency of your skin to show me myself: nameless, oblivious, but for the hunger, always the hunger �

Yet I know we will always remain a part of each other: indivisible, I in spirit and you in flesh, but that is cold comfort now that I have only your hollow bones to gnaw upon.
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