Story Downloaded from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net)

Title: Tolkien in Love (#4236)
Author: Eldalie
Chapters: 5

Archive: Tolkien
Category: Reality Bytes
Description: All you need to know on het and slash romance fics in the Tolkien universe. NOMINATED MEFA AWARDS 2010
Published: 30 May 2010
Updated: 30 May 2010
Warnings:
Type: Romance
Characters:


Chapter 1 - Chapter 1

This is an informative essay. All the characters and plotlines here discussed belong to J.R.R. Tolkien.

Tolkien in Love

All you need to know about het and slash romance fics in the Tolkien universe

You need to know the rules in order to better disobey them.
Marcello Fois, Memoirs of the void

Let's say you watched the movies, read the books, and fell in love. With a character, with a line, with a race of Middle-earth, with a situation, with an atmosphere. Let's say you have a fervid imagination, or even a normal, healthy one, and sometimes you daydream and tell yourself stories. Where, of late, Elves and Hobbits and Gondorians tend to star far more than your schoolmates/friends/work colleagues. And let's say that one day you realize you are not alone in your daydreams: that out there there's a whole community of people who share your passion for such stories. And eventually, after dreaming and reading and re-watching the movie, if only to free yourself from it, you decide to write your story down. My compliments! You have become a romance writer, in the Tolkien fanfiction universe.

Nobody is born learnt, we say in my country. And when you're writing in a fandom as complex as the Tolkienian one, there are countless things one needs to know before fitting perfectly in it. There are thousands of pages about Middle-earth – and thousands of different interpretations about them, not to mention that sometimes Tolkien's writings are in contradiction with one another. Scared? You shouldn't be. You have years of reading ahead of you – and if reading isn't your thing, if you are a movieverse writer who doesn't care about the book or simply hasn't the time, or a book writer who's at her first read of the LotR trilogy, don't worry: this essay is written for you. To put down a few facts and give you the guidelines about how to go forth and enrich this fandom with a whole new generation of fantastic romance fics.

What this essay is: an easy guide to all you might need to know in the writing of Tolkien-verse romance fics, both het (male/female pairings) and slash (same-sex pairings).

What this essay isn't: a critique, an attack, a pretence at knowing everything. I'll quote bits of books from Tolkien to support what I'm saying, and occasionally essays from other writers or directly their words.

Sources: The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, and the History of Middle-earth; within its twelve volumes, notably the essay 'Laws and Customs of the Eldar'.

All set? Let's start!

Follows here an index of the contents of this essay, so that you may peruse and browse at will, looking for what you need.

1. Romancing the heroes: romance is legit
2. Once upon a time it was the canon
3. Het fic: there was a lad who met a lass…
4. Slash fic: there was a lad who met a lad…
5. The S word: love and sex in Middle-earth
6. You-know-what: calling things by their name
7. Culture clash: Man meets Elf
8. One-off: do Elves love only once?
9. Non-con: rape me (not)
10. Love hurts: BDSM
11. Incest: too close for comfort
12. Sirs and servants: class struggle, Middle-earth style
13. No I don't: combined marriages
14. He knocked him up: the controversial issue of M-preg
15. There were nine walkers…no, wait, ten
16. Monster love: Orcs in romance
17. Dwarves: know nothing, guess even less
18. The Middle-earth patient: love in the healing house
19. Sing to me, o Muse: song and poetry in romance
20. Crossed: when universes overlap
21. Conclusion: bringing the romance out there

1. Romancing the heroes: romance is legit

Tolkien's writings span thousands of years of a fictional place, Middle-earth, that the author declared to be 'our own world, in an imaginary time of its history'. As such, people there experience feelings we can perfectly understand: hatred, friendship, fear, courage, and, of course, love and desire. The pages of Tolkien books are full of characters, both male and female, that sometimes are characterized in detail over hundreds of pages, and some other times are just sketches a few lines long. Of some of them we know everything; of others, nothing. The less you know about a character, the more you are free to guess and invent; and sometimes even what you know may be incomplete.

We know a lot about Legolas; nothing about his love life. The same goes for dozens of other popular heroes; and when the book says nothing (and sometimes even when it does) the fanfiction writer comes into play. Don't accept flames from those who tell you you have no right to write romance fics: you have. Don't accept insults from those who think they own the truth: they don't.

Tolkien's books only mention het couples; that doesn't mean homosexual ones don't exist. And indeed, if Middle-earth is our Earth, in an however imaginary time, they will certainly have existed. That they are not mentioned only means they are taboo: nothing new beneath the visiting moon. Many of Tolkien's characters choose not to marry; some of them, who do it, have long, intense, ambiguous relationships with members of their own sex. It's home-free time, my dear fellow writers: jump in the gap and fill it.

2. Once upon a time it was the canon

'Canon' is perhaps the most dreaded word by fanfiction writers. Why? Because it's what intolerant people (usually called 'canon-nazis'; canon-pickers, I prefer to say) use to bash them, cosh them, flame them, and destroy them. Why canon-pickers read fanfiction at all is a mystery that is yet to be resolved; their mere existence should not discourage you from writing.

On the other hand, canon exists: canon is the reason we're here, and the fact that we like it is the trigger that has pushed us to fanfiction in the first place. You may stretch it, gap-fill it, alter it, even break it; you can go AU (Another Universe, where things change substantially from the original story), and you can mock it, parody it, or use a different version from Tolkien's own writings. What you can't do, is ignoring it.

Have a doubt? Ask. There is Wikipedia, at least three different wikis devoted to Tolkien-verse alone, and dozens of forums. You have the indexes in the books, probably some friend who knows the story, and hopefully a beta helping you to go through what you're writing. Once you know the canon, you may do with it what you want: but you can't just wash your hands of it. Believe me, there are scores of hints, facts and plotlines in the infinite corners of Tolkien's books that will help you, inspire you, and give you a hand in wading through writer's block and exhaustion.

You know Aragorn met Arwen and fell for her; if you know what he did before, in the meantime and afterwards with his wandering, ranging and soldiering life, your own plotline of a love story with another maiden can find a believable space in it. You can then go AU and have him marry her instead of Arwen if you want; and if you know the canon you'll know where to fit these events too.

If you have a doubt, ask. It's worth it.

3. Het fic: there was a lad who met a lass…

Het fics are your classical 'boy meets girl' stories. You can use them to explore an already established canon relationship (example: Faramir and Eowyn's marriage and life in Ithilien), to pair up two canon characters who didn't make it together in the canon story (ex.: Aragorn's and Eowyn's story, if he had fallen for her), or, very frequently, to introduce an OC (Original Character) who falls in love with an otherwise unmarried character (ex. Legolas or Frodo) or with a character that in canon has a mate (ex. Aragorn or Faramir).

OC het fics are usually reviled with venomous hatred by the canon-pickers; which is a pity, because some of them are really good. They can be romantic, sexual, angsty or all these three together; the only thing that matters is they are well written and plausible. Meaning: if your character joins the Fellowship and seduces Aragorn, you have to tell the reader how he'll cope with Arwen afterwards. The girl was ready to give up her immortality for him: he can't just text her saying he's met someone else.

Many het fics drip sappiness, and the lovers are happy from start to end; are you really sure this would be plausible in the Tolkien-verse? Whether you're writing War of the Ring, Nùmenor or First Age, chances are something terrible is going to happen during your character's lifespan. If he/she is an Elf, several horrible things are going to happen. (For more information about it, please check out Galadriel's biography). Terrible things affect people's lives: men go to war, cities are conquered, women have to flee or are taken prisoner. Wars leave scars, soldiers suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (even if they don't know what it is because Freud wasn't there to bring psychoanalisis along) and traumas like rape, captivity and loss are not solved in a day. You want the happy ending? Go ahead with it. But for a story to be interesting, there must be some conflict to be resolved, and some consequences to it.

Cinderella got to marry the prince; but before she had to slave away for her whole life under unloving, uncaring, downright mean people. And if she hadn't, your mother wouldn't have told you her story before you went to bed.

4. Slash fics: there was a lad who met a lad…

Slash fics, also called fem-slash if they feature a female/female couple, are very common: they serve the readers' need to explore unsolved canon issues such as Frodo's inordinate and effusive affection for Sam, Legolas' fondness for going pic-nicking with Dwarves, or simply, as in het fics, to pair up two characters the writer thinks really would have been great together. (For example, all the Aragorn/Legolas, Fingon/Maedhros fics out there.) OCs are very rarely found here, for the simple reason that Tolkien stories have such an amount of hot unmarried guys as it is that it's just superfluous to invent others. Unless, of course, the whole fic is centered around an original character, see Sauron's son in Spiced Wine's Dark Prince.

Canon-pickers flame slash fics because they think homosexual love just doesn't exist in Middle-earth (and as we have said, this is such a ridiculous concept it barely deserves attention), and, unfortunately, het writers flame slash ones because slash embarrasses them, or because they don't agree with the couple featured. (I have seen many Aragorn/Legolas fics flamed by Aragorn/OC pairers, and that's just an example). This, my friends, is just wrong: while any fic, be it slash or het, can be badly or well written, and constructive criticism always helps, to bash a story because we don't agree with the kind of love there featured is immature and childish.

I am an het writer who sometimes reads slash, as there are writers of both het and slash romance, and writers who prefer to read and write only in one genre. That's only natural; and if you don't like the opposite field, you only have not to read it. The Library of Moria is an online slash-only archive, OpenScrolls is an het-only one, and most fanfiction archives will allow you to decide whether you want to visualize slash stories or filter them out. Mutual respect is the basis for a peaceful, pleasant life; and literature, especially fanfiction-y one, works on the very simple assumption that if you don't like a genre, you don't read it.

This said, slash romance works along the same lines of het one: and plausibility here is just as important. Most of LotR fans know where you're starting from if you write a Frodo/Sam; but if you choose to write a less 'obvious' couple, for example Legolas/Boromir, you have to show the readers why they fell in love, how, when, and how everybody else reacted. Did they keep it a secret? If they came out, what difficulties did they meet?

While homosexual love is certain to exist in a world that mirrors our own, it is just as certain that Middle-earth features a medieval society where such a love is never mentioned or supported in any way. Love between soldiers, or master and servant, same-sex rape, or perversions acted out on impotent prisoners have always existed, and we have plenty of examples of it, obvious or not, in ancient histories, chronicles and epic poems. Whether such things are openly acknowledged is a completely different matter.

Any same-sex couple in Tolkien's world is going to meet opposition, the need for secrecy, and a thousand different problems. Homosexual kings may be forced to marry to give the kingdom an heir (we have real history examples of that), fathers may disown sons and daughters they find not conformant to their idea or what is right, and somebody may be bisexual and be torn between a female and a male love. (The het and slash writer Encairion has a very plausible theory of Elves being likely to be bisexual, as in them the spirit is stronger than the flesh, and therefore they'll fall for a spirit regardless of the sexual identity of the body that hosts it.)

So, if you think Aragorn and Boromir are pure heaven together, by all means write it; but as you do it know that while some characters will discover it and keep their peace in approving silence, others will criticize them and act out on their disapproval. The conflict poses you a challenge and is very likely to make you story more compelling and better to read.


Chapter 2 - Chapter 2

5. The S word: love and sex in Middle-earth

Many Tolkien fanfictions feature sex: be it a tender lovemaking, a passionate affair, or a shady non-con event, desire is so closely interwoven with love that any romance will have to cope with it. And indeed Tolkien, however couching it in biblical terms, does not deny this simple fact, making desire, with or without love, a plot-point in several of his tales. Elves can lust (see Celegorm and Lùthien for more details), Valar can lust (Melkor after Varda and then Lùthien), and about Men, we already know the answer. Hobbits fall into the same category, even if we have no tragic tales to show its dramatic consequences.

The great question remains: how should one cope with sex in a Tolkien fic? It all depends on what genre you're writing in, with erotica and graphic bringing it at the core of the tale, and generic romance fics featuring it more or less according to the author's tastes and intent. The fact that Tolkien did not indulge in explicit sex scenes does not mean, as some canon-pickers argue, that any self-respecting Tolkien fic should follow his example; the absence of sex as an all-round event in canon is but one of the tantalizing gaps the fanfiction writer is freer to explore.

This said, just like we have our own rules and taboos about sex, so do Middle-earth races.

Hobbits's and Men's conceptions of love, desire and family are similar enough to our own that, taken for granted that a medieval society would prefer its members to arrive illibate to marriage, people will have it their own way, as they have always done and always will. In the idyllic context of the Shire's numerous parties and fairs, with long stretches of unguarded fields, bucolic little woods and discreet hedges, it would be difficult to imagine the local youth not daring to exchange kisses and more to the blissful pretence of not knowing of parents who did the same.

For sure, Sam didn't touch Rosie before their marriage; Sam being one Hobbit and the Shire lacking a structure of priests or pastors haranguing their congregation about the need to stay pure until the moment they tie the knot. You relish in Hobbit fics where Merry courts the girl and makes out with her behind the buffet's tent? Go forth and write.

About Men, the higher you get in the social structure, the more important is for sex to be controlled. While Eomer is probably free to go around seducing all the maids he wants, Eowyn is a princess and as such her virginity is a political commodity, not only a token of her virtue and love. Again in the absence of any religious structure imposing purity as a value, a milkmaid has nothing to lose if she messes around with the shepherd boy, unless she gets pregnant; a princess or high lady represents power and rank, and her relationship with the opposite sex will be a closely guarded one. Acknowledging this fact makes you realistic to the situation, and it does not imply that an enterprising character won't be able to get around it, or try and get caught. If the plotline is good and the characters fully-fledged, sex is a component of the story you may use to any extent you like.

Elvish sex is a more complex thing: endless flame wars have been waged about it. The ultimate source about it is the Tolkien essay 'Laws and Customs of the Eldar', which canon-nazis delightedly use to stab to death any romance fics not conforming to it. While it is good to know LACE, and sometimes use it, remember one thing: we have good laws saying we shouldn't steal and kill and a nice custom of sleeping only with those who want to sleep with us, but that doesn't mean that people won't rape, rob and murder.

LACE says that Elves marry in order to have children, like sex but will stop having it after a while, that for them sex equals marriage and 'seldom is any tale of lust told among them'. As my friend Encairion aptly puts it, 'seldom' is the key word, as it is no synonym for 'never', and overwhelmingly tales will be told about exceptions, as Celegorm's dealings with Lùthien, Eol's with Aredhel, or Maglin's with Idril show. So if you want to have Elves who intensely desire and make love throughout their long lives, go ahead; bear in mind that they won't be the rule, but that would be true even in a human context, as no one is the same as someone else.

A delicate issue is that of marriage. Elves got the custom of holding a wedding ceremony from the Valar, while their most ancient tradition says that when two people sleep together, they are married. It makes sense: for the nomadic, primitive culture the Elves had before meeting the Valar, and that the Silvan Elves kept until they met the Noldorin exiles and afterwards, religious beliefs are very sketchy and your spouse is simply your mate, that you sleep and have children with. In the Elves the spirit is stronger than the body, so when they make love, the spirits of the lovers mingle and are specially bound in a way that has no correspondence in the human world. When something like that happens to you if you have sex, you're not likely to hop in the sack with the first person that comes along.

Also, Elves don't get married or have children in times of war, as they think them unsuitable for raising a family, and being immortal can afford to wait for more family-friendly times; and, at least in theory, Elves get married young, like Fëanor did. Right. But, again unfortunately for the supposedly inexpugnability of LACE, we have a ton of Elves in canon who married late, Galadriel the most notable among them.

The het writer Dawn Felagund develops in her Another Man's Cage novel-length fic an interesting way around the LACE precepts, with a theory of Elvish spirits 'rejecting each other'. It's fascinating, and a good example of how an author who knows canon can successfully think up ways of nestling her own plotlines in it while keeping its form.

Drawing the sums, if your Elvish characters make love, they will be married, and won't feel the need of any further ceremony; what happens then when Elves have sex with any other race?

Among other things, point 7 will deal with this issue; first, let's take a look in detail at what a complex thing writing sex in fics is.

6. You-know-what: calling things by their name

Not everybody is comfortable with reading and writing explicit smut, and that's the reason why warnings and ratings exist. Nobody says your romance will be incomplete without a sex scene, and indeed some of the most powerful romances I have read or watched filmed do perfectly well without them. We don't think that Jane Eyre desired Rochester any the less because they never actually did it before they got married; and the fact that a kiss is the most daring thing that happens between Maximus and Lucilla in Gladiator takes nothing from their wondrous chemistry.

Some authors like to have their dose of graphics; others, while they have nothing to object to reading it, prefer to adopt softer solutions in writing, going in rather for suggestions and allusions. The choice is completely up to you: it depends on your style, your preference, your talent lying in writing one thing rather than another. You can keep it chaste, you can make the reader guess what happens off-pages, you can make it as adamant as Nenya what happens between your characters, or eventually give us a mix of it all and bring the temperature to steamy hot without actually choosing which formula to adopt.

Desire in romance often lies more in the atmosphere than in the actual scenes, reflecting real life where sex ain't always the best thing, and it can be disturbing, or bad, or sad, or non-con. If you feel that you are not up to writing the scene, work on the atmosphere: it can tell us a lot more than a thousand empty and badly written graphics.

Which brings us to the vital point: if smut embarrasses you, don't write it. It's cringe-worthy to say the least to read a romance and meet the words 'so we did you-know-what', or 'I let him do what he wanted', or 'she did this, he did that, putting the thing into the thing and doing the thing.' (And I swear I've found each of these.) Perhaps you're at your first fic, or very young, or simply quite shy, and even the anonymity granted by writing on the internet under a penname is not enough to reassure you. No damage done: you'll write that lovemaking scene one day, only not quite yet. Writing is a process of trial and error, but if you can't muster the courage to call things by their name, forcing yourself to write graphic is bad for your writing, your readers, and your own self-esteem as a romance writer.

There are wonderful books out there and fics on the internet that can show you how good erotic writing can be done, if you are interested in learning; just like some published works are just as bad. For some help on the matter in the Tolkien-fics fandom, check out Pink Siamese's excellent Authentic Smut: A Writer's Guide.

7. Culture Clash: Man meets Elf

Interspecies romances make up a heavy percentage of Tolkien romance fics, what with all we human girls falling for Elves. Man/Elf is the most common, indeed the almost exclusive inter-racial romance, what with Dwarves being next to unknown to romance writers and Hobbits posing embarrassing problems of height when coupled with ten-foot tall Elves.

These stories put us in a position to develop fantastic plotlines of star-crossed lovers, racial issues and tearful farewells, but they have one big fact weighing against them: if you want to be realistic, as author Tyellas once put it,' in Tolkien interspieces sex is tragic'. Yes, it is. We have Lùthien and Beren, Idril and Tuor, Arwen and Aragorn, Mithrellas and the Lord of Dol Amroth, and Aegnor and Andreth, the only male Elf/human girl in canon, but their stories all caused devastation, loss, sorrow and war. Either the Elf gave up immortality (a case limited to Lùthien and Arwen, and for very strong destiny reasons) or he/she ditched the human (Aegnor and Mithrellas), or, if she managed to snatch a happy ending (Idril), it was a unique and more than unique case. Think about it a moment: immortal marrying mortal is a big mistake. One ages and dies, the other does not. It's pretty to think of yourself at twenty with Legolas; how about your eighty years old self?

For extensive angsting about such matters, get out of the fandom and check out the whole Bella Swan/Edward Cullen matter; and while you can become a vampire, you definitely can't become an Elf. You want the interspecies story all the same? Go ahead: there are fantastic fics about such couples. Only know that the 'they lived happily ever after' ending is out of the question, and that if sappiness is what you want to write, you can't fit it here. If instead you're a member of the 'loving angst' team, such as yours truly, interspecies sex is a safe road to torturing love stories and existential dilemmas.

As per point 5, Man/Elf couples pose us an interesting problem about marriage: how will the bond be formed? Humans can't form the spiritual tie Elves create, not at least in the same way. No answer exists to this problem, in which case you're completely free to invent. Perhaps they could sleep together, believing to have no future, and the Elf shall discover the bond can't be formed on his/her part alone? So they will get married the human way? Or shall they resist the temptation, get married with a ceremony, and discover it the first night of marriage? Fanfiction is beautiful also because it allows us to explore such deep issues, and the space to solve them is practically unlimited.

Another aspect of these couples that too often is left unexplored is the different cultures Men and Elves bear. While Aragorn was fostered in Imladris, and had an Elvish upbringing, other Men know Elves only as legends or fleeting glimpses: how will they react to the meeting of these different backgrounds? How will they overcome the differences? Will they even speak the same language? Many authors seem to consider such issues unworthy of their attention; try instead to see it like an extreme culture clash in human terms. Pocahontas and John Smith had miles to cover in spiritual terms before getting close enough to fall in love; and the differences they explored in their relationship are what makes it so unique. To go back to Tolkienian examples, when Beren met Lùthien he found himself in a whole new setting: proving himself willing to risk his life to be accepted.

One last note: half-Elven children are not discriminated against by the Elves. Actually, Elrond himself is one of them, and quite proud of it.

8. One-off: do Elves love only once?

While the idea of Elves loving only once in their long lives sounds very romantic and quite appropriate for these creatures, we have solid proof in Tolkien's writings that this is not so. In the Silmarillion, the Elvish lady Finduilas was in love with the Elven warrior Gwindor; when she met the mortal Tùrin, to put it like Tolkien would, 'her heart turned to him'. While however Elves can love more than once, and indeed fall out of love, as it happened to Fëanor and his wife Nerdanel ('they became estranged', is the Professor's way of phrasing it), their laws are against them marrying more than once, except in extraordinary circumstances.

Finwë, Fëanor's father, was married to Mìriel; after their son was born, she felt weary of the world and her spirit forsook her body to go resting in Mandos's Halls. However much her husband begged her to come back, Mìriel declared she would not. The years passed. Finwë met and fell for another lady, Indis (another case of Elves loving more than once), and asked permission to marry her. The Valar agreed, on condition that Mìriel swore she would never seek to abandon Mandos' Halls; if she had been reincarnated, as Elves generally are after the death of their bodies and a period spent in rest in Nàmo's abode, Finwë would have been bigamous. Mìriel gave her consent and the marriage took place; given the troubled consequences, however, marrying more than once is for Elves an idea to be frowned upon.

Once we consider these cases, however, the question that comes to mind is: what would happen if an Elf fell out of love with a living spouse and then in love with someone else? LACE tells us a cheating husband or wife would be immediately caught out, for, it says, the Elves have ways of seeing immediately whether another Elf is married or not, and if the Elf is speaking to them is lying. Can we take that at face value? Again, no. We have instances of Elves lying to other Elves and getting away with it: see Fëanor, who declared to Fingolfin he would ferry his host to Middle-earth and then come back for him (he didn't). Or Celegorm, who told Lùthien he would help her (while actually abducting her).

Here is one of the cases where Tolkien's writings are in conflict with each other. In the confusion of the sources, you're home-free: use your imagination, and find the answer. (We need more fics where Aredhel betrays Eol with Caranthir. Just an opinion.)


Chapter 3 - Chapter 3

9. Non-con: rape me (not)

Do Men rape? Unfortunately, we already know the answer: Mankind, be it Tolkienian or actual one, has an innate tendency to turn nasty. Do Orcs rape? Unfortunately again, yes, they do. If the origins of Orcs are shady, and Tolkien changed idea about them several times, we have iron-cast proof that Orcs have sex: when Tolkien mentions their multiplying, he often uses the verb 'breeding'. A quick visit on a dictionary will tell you that 'breeding' is referred to the mammals' way of reproducing, which, indeed, is through sexual intercourse. And villains that can have sex, evil minions forever bent on doing as much damage as possible, will rape. Not only: we also have proof that they can have offspring from other races. Treebeard thought it possible, however horrific the thought may be, that a likely explanation for the Uruk-Hai's origin was Orcs interbreeding with Men.

Do Elves rape? Here comes the big question. According to LACE, no way. They consider it 'a very wicked deed', and the essay furthermore adds that even when many Elves turned to darkness, they did not lust; ergo, with unimpeachable logic, they did not rape. As we will see in a moment, that is just not true.

In the first versions of the Silmarillion, the Elf Eol took the Elf Aredhel as a wife 'by force.' As time went by Tolkien softened this: but in the published Silmarillion the wording is that she is 'not wholly unwilling' to marry him. You don't get any more ambiguous than this; and the shadow of non-con remains. In the same version of the Silm, Caranthir accuses Eol of 'stealing' Aredhel, which brings us again in an uncomfortably criminous semantic camp. Celegorm lusts after Lùthien, abducts her, and keeps her prisoner while he asks her father permission to marry her. As Lùthien has been adamant that she does not want him, we are brought to wondering what would happen on their first night if they actually got married.

Do Hobbits rape? Difficult question. The Scouring of the Shire showed us some Hobbits can definitely be mean, selfish and exploitative; given that the most accredited version of how the Hobbits came to be is that they are some different kind of Men, we would be tempted to give them all the qualities and defects of Mankind. It's only up to you: write your story well and people will find rapist Hobbits plausible, even if they are more difficult to pull off than Orcs.

Many fanfictions show raping as a prelude to the falling in love of victim and rapist; while sometimes sex can border into painful deviations (see point 10), and it can happen that one lover will force the other, that would in another moment have given his/her consent, to non-con intercourse, rape leaves a trauma that is the very antithesis of falling in love. If your character has been a victim to abuse, she/he should bear the marks of it; where the marks are shame, phobia of contact, depression, and other unpleasant things. You can get Stockholm syndrome after being held hostage; no such thing happens after being raped.

Rape is a traumatic experience: while in a violent world like Middle-earth it will be plausible and even probable for it to happen, and rape is indeed a plot-point in several of Tolkien's tales, to use it as a device for your characters to fall in love is to belittle the deep suffering that such an experience brings to those who have been subjected to it. So, if your OC Elven maiden is waylaid and violated by Orcs, if your Thranduil abuses his son, there is some lasting damage you will have to put in the equation of the story you're writing.

LACE also tells us that any raped Elf will give up his/her life rather than to live with what has happened; which contrasts with Aredhel's story and with what happened to Celebrìan. Both of them, however damaged, lived on, which leads us to think that just as some human victims of rape will grow suicidal, while others will be able to resolve their trauma, so will Elves. If your story features a raped Elf, you have several different options of how to make her/him deal with that event; the only constant you have to keep for your plot to be realistic is that some reckoning with such a trauma has, sooner or later, to happen. The same goes for your Elf being abducted by Haradrim slave dealers, and sold into prostitution (a plot that turns up quite often): if your character has reason enough to hang on, she/he may well do it; otherwise, she/he won't spend sixty chapters lamenting the loss of freedom and cursing his/her life. For the Elves the afterlife, with the added bonus of being reborn in a pleasant, sheltered place, is always only a small choice away.

10. Love hurts: BDSM

It's quite plausible to imagine that, if Middle-earth is actually our Earth, and Mankind is the same as we are, some humans in the Tolkien-verse will have a tendency to enjoy in a sexual way inflicting and experiencing pain. Thanks to the careful shading of Tolkien's canon romances, again here we are moving in the dark. Would Elves enjoy BDSM? Where does BDSM end and rape start? Gray areas getting grayer; when you're navigating these waters, you'll need all your skill, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.

Author Tyellas makes a convincing argument for the feasibility of Elvish BDSM; and indeed a species with a proven tendency to stray off the Valar-approved path for sexuality and dealings with authority figures may well harbour and develop sado-masochistic tendencies. While BDSM majorly concerns erotica, I have seen several generic romances featuring it; as in all things, don't write it unless you know where you're going and why. If you have difficulties with classical, simple lovemaking scenes, BDSM may definitely not be your cup of tea.

11. Incest: too close for comfort

The working definition of incest is a sexual or romantic relationship with somebody too closely related to you for said relationship to be acceptable to your society's or religion's ethics, rules, and laws. There have been different definitions of incest throughout history, and in different cultures: nowadays most Western countries consider incest sexual relationships, be them consensual or not, between parents and children, between siblings, and between grandparents and grandchildren, or uncles and aunts and their nephews. A remarkable exception are the United States, in some states of which cousin marriages are forbidden.

Whatever your culture and background, whatever your religion, while writing you have to consider that you are entering a completely different world: Elves, Men and Hobbits have different rules and customs from our own. Here I will examine each case in detail.

a) Elves. Elvish laws consider it incest to marry as far as your first cousin; therefore, any parent-child, siblings, uncle-nephew relationship will be forbidden. Elves are disturbed and horrified by the notion of marrying close kin, as we saw in the Silmarillion when the Elf Maeglin fell in love with his first cousin Indis: the reaction was a strong, disapproving, and utterly creeped out one. There seems to be an exception for first cousins through half-siblings: meaning that if you want to write about Celegorm marrying Aredhel, or Maedhros falling in love with Fingon (their fathers being only half-brothers) that doesn't count as incest.

There are many Tolkien-verse fics featuring incestuous siblings, the most common being Elladan/Elrohir ones; and a lot of fics have Thranduil sexually abusing his son Legolas. Without entering into the question of whether or not these plotlines are plausible, remember one thing: Elves have a broad definition of incest and most of them won't react well to brothers or cousins hopping into bed together. The need for secrecy of these couples will be even stronger, and the consequences if they are discovered more severe than for slash couples. So if Elrond catches his sons frolicking around in the garden, he won't smile benignly; and in order to be realistic to the fandom your story of incestuous Elvish love will have to cope with the issues before described.

b) Men. Here we have to make a distinction: while First Age Edain (so Tùrin's and Tùor's family, or the people of Haleth, or Morwen's family) and Second Age Nùmenoreans have taken Elvish laws, and follow the Eldar in their attitude towards incest, other peoples such as the Rohirrim or the Men of the North haven't.

The Dunedain, Aragorn's kin, and the Gondorians, notably Boromir's and Faramir's family, all are of Nùmenorean descent; so count for them incest till the first cousin. Usually incestuous romances in this context happen between Boromir and Faramir, or have Denethor sexually abusing his younger son. Again without trying to analyze the dynamics involved in such stories, bear in mind that what your characters are doing is considered by their society wrong and disturbing. They won't be serene about it, and its thought will pose them great problems. This should show in your writing: happy siblings having it off just aren't an option in Minas Tirith.

Silmarillion's Tùrin and Nienor, the only canon incestuous couple, got married without knowing they were brother and sister and upon discovering the truth both committed suicide; this goes a long way in telling us what your average reaction to sibling incest would be had you been raised in the Elvish morals about it. Without going to these extremes, feeling a tad too warmly about a close relative when you are an Edain, a Nùmenorean or a Gondorian is not going to be the happiest event of your life.

The Rohirrim and the Men of the North have had next to no contact with developed Elvish societies, and while they have been influenced by Gondor and its Nùmenorean customs, it's fair to try to fill the void in canon about their culture with guesses. While it's improbable they would condone sibling incest (the examples of this throughout history are limited to a few royal houses, such as the ancient Egyptian and Hawaiian one, and if Tolkien envisioned such a custom for the Men of the plains, he would have probably told us) you could push it to them accepting cousin marriage, in case anybody out there is a Théodred/Eowyn shipper.

c) Hobbits. We lack explicit material on the Hobbit notion of incest, but we can certainly hazard an hypothesis.

Very realistically for a rural community living in medieval times, the Hobbits are tightly inbred. When you get to a point where the main families are reciprocally second and third cousins (see Frodo and Pippin) the problem is not marrying your cousin, but indeed managing to find somebody who isn't your cousin in some degree. In such a context, cousin marriages are a reality that can't be escaped, as the blood bonds between the various families are so numerous either they relax their notion of incest or marrying outside the clan (and Hobbits have a well-documented passion for keeping an almost obsessive track of their relatives) becomes a serious issue.

Some may argue that such a thing would have gone against Tolkien's Catholic upbringing; as an Italian girl who was born and raised in a Catholic country, I can tell you that the Catholic ban on cousin marriage needs only a bishop's permission (easily obtainable) to be lifted. Cousin marriages, and even marriages between uncles and nieces, have been sanctioned by the Church throughout history.

Whatever the race in which you are setting your incest!fic, remember one thing: it's not going to be a picnic for your characters. A happy ending is going to be extremely unlikely, angst, instead, will come along by the kilo. And plausibility is an even greater challenge; if you manage to pull this all off, see again Spiced Wine's work for example, it's going to be an indeed remarkable feat.

12. Sirs and servants: class struggle, Middle-earth style

The theme of the poor milkmaid/shepherdess/scullery maid falling in love with the handsome prince, discovering she is actually a princess, and marrying her lover to become queen is firmly rooted in our conscience, so much that Cinderella is a synonym for any girl overcoming great difficulties to find a happy ending with a gorgeous fiancé. While mean anthropologists will tell you eagerly that such an archetype is just wishful thinking turning the seduction and rape of poor servants in ancient times by their masters into a romantic love story (not joking), the point remains that lots of Tolkien romance-fics rework this age-old theme. While I have seen nurses falling for Fëanor, the main candidates for this 'class difference' fics remain Faramir, Boromir, and Legolas.

Minas Tirith being the environment closest to Medieval Europe you'll find on Middle-earth, there are several realistic fics picturing the Gondorian brothers having more or less lasting affairs with courtesans, maids and peasants; all of them rather prone to end in tragedy with Boromir's death or Faramir's betrothal to more suitable ladies (Eowyn). But the grim realism that usually permeates human class difference fics tends to fade rather hopelessly when we get to the Elves.

There are many authors, some of them quite knowledgeable about Tolkien, who entertain the curious notion that Elves don't have servants. While certainly nomadic societies of hunter gatherers, such as the Silvan Elves used to be for a long portion of their history, usually present a fairly equal social structure (no kingdom equals no king) the Noldorin exiles bring into Middle-earth an elaborate hierarchy where a warring aristocracy dominates the rest. The Sindarin Elves adopted it, and indeed Legolas is member of a Sindarin royal family ruling over Silvan subjects, just like Galadriel is the last of the Noldorin exiles, whom, married to a Sindarin, rules over Wood Elves in Lòthlorien. Is this not enough to persuade you? Again, the texts give us ample proof.

In the Hobbit, Bilbo gets a close look at the household of the Elvenking (Thranduil), which features guardians, people in charge of the cellar, and a butler. Copying and pasting from the online Merriam Webster dictionary, a butler is:
1 : a manservant having charge of the wines and liquors
2 : the chief male servant of a household who has charge of other employees, receives guests, directs the serving of meals, and performs various personal services
The debate could definitely end here, hadn't we yet another clear example of Elves serving other Elves: in LotR, Galadriel has servants bring the Fellowship presents. And the Valar themselves, from which the Elves took many of their customs, definitely had servants: in particular we know of Varda's handmaiden. The moment you establish a clear hierarchy, with somebody giving orders and somebody else obeying them, you have your servant class right there.

In Elvish-cast 'class difference' fics, usually the maiden ends up raised from her poverty and dejection by the prince, in the overwhelming majority of the cases, Legolas. While it is only fair to argue that Sindarin and Noldorin aristocracy may have chosen to intermarry with their subjects (one scholar makes a convincing argument of Legolas having a Silvan mother, based on his archaic name) for sure even a fairly egalitarian hunting-gathering society will have its most distinguished families, the best hunters, perhaps, or those respected because of a knowledge of medicine or wisdom in counsel. Even while on a spree of feeling of mingling with the lower classes, it is doubtful that the royal family would go looking for a bride in the backyard. Does that mean that Legolas can't, under any circumstance, fall for a little miserable floor-scrubber, and cover her in newfound glory? No. But does it mean some serious conflict should have to be faced and solved, at the price of pain and compromise, in order for it to happen? Definitely so.

At the end of the day, the bottom line does not change: keep it real. Even in Middle-earth.


Chapter 4 - Chapter 4

13. No I don't: combined marriages

A feature of the human society ever since hierarchies have been invented, combined marriages in romance serve one purpose: bringing together two unwilling, unlikely people who will then obligingly fall in love. When applied to human Middle-earth societies, especially the most developed ones such as Gondor and Nùmenor, combined marriages are quite realistic, and are usually applied to bridle a reluctant Boromir into wedlock with the maiden who's destined to tame him. However, while as it has been said it is more than fair to guess that Middle-earth royal families would tie alliances by marriage, the same cannot be said for Elvish ones.

The statement that the Elves do not combine marriages is one of the few in LACE that goes unchallenged by the actual tales: we have Elves who rape, Elves who lie, Elves who fall out of love with their spouse, but no Elf forced into an arranged union. The Eldar, says the essay, marry out of love, or however of their own free will. This does not mean that you cannot elaborately construe a situation where your Elven protagonist will not feel it his/her duty to get married in order to secure the support of a neighbouring kingdom; only that it would never happen in the Tolkienverse that a recalcitrant maiden be dragged all the way to the altar.

One last word on the subject: however wildly romantic, the age-old plot of the girl crying and kicking all the way to her first night in a combined marriage has been worked, reworked, and then worked again. You might want to consider altering it a bit: for example, a princess or high-ranking lady is likely to have been raised to consider it her duty to marry for an alliance, just like her male relations consider it their duty to go to war. Also, in the case of marriage to a famous captain, see again the Boromir example, couldn't the girl have a hero-worshipping crush on her husband to be, just to discover with time what true love is?

There's nothing wrong with the old plots; but they're not necessarily the only way you have to take. It's up to turn the age-old story in a whole new world.

14. He knocked him up: the controversial issue of M-preg

While writing this essay, I have kept to the opinion that each and every of the numerous sub-genres of the romance family are worthy of respect, and can be an inspiration for well-written, enticing stories. Whether our tastes lie with slashy romances or het erotica, we must keep in mind that outside our beloved little garden of favourite plots there are a thousand more just as pleasant to others. However, if there is a place where I would advise you to draw the line, it is when we get to the controversial issue of M-preg.

M-preg, short for male pregnancy, is exactly what it sounds like: a story where a man gets another man pregnant. Presumably inspired by the '90s film Junior, M-preg stories have one little problem: they are biologically impossible. While Potterverse M-preg writers use a badly mishandled spell as the starting justification for their plot, no such thing can be applied to Middle-earth. What happens then is that most writers will just assume that their readers consider it possible for such an event to take place, and work on their angsty oneshot of Legolas, while pregnant with Aragorn's baby, just as they would if it were Arwen speaking.

It goes without saying: when the plot-trigger is groundless, the story is dead on arrival. If you write slash and want your characters to raise their own family, it seems to me grossly disrespectful to homosexual couples everywhere to suggest that the only way for them to do so is by writing of something that could never happen, whether on this Earth or in the Tolkien universe. The solution to this, absolutely acceptable, and deeply rooted in canon, is adoption.

Tùrin, Tuor, Elrond, Elros, not to mention Aragorn: a lot of Tolkien's heroes were fostered by relatives or friends of their families. With all the wars continuously going on in Middle-earth, nothing easier than for your slashy couple to take under their wing a couple of orphans, or children of a distressed family they know. They get to raise their kids, and plausibility, both biological and of narration, is safe. If you want badly Aragorn and Legolas to raise Eldarion together in their love nest, just kill off Arwen in childbirth and have the Elf take over. Please.

15. There were nine walkers…no, wait, ten

A portal opens in the middle of nowhere, a plane crashes, the protagonist falls asleep; however it happens, the result is one: modern day girl ends up in Middle-earth. These kind of stories make up a large percentage of the whole of LotR fanfictions, and while most of Tolkien scholars and some writers are still sawing away at their wrists in despair at the thought of such plots, methinks the time has come to take a deep breath, relax, and acknowledge that the 'girl-into-ME' storyline isn't just going to go away. While I can only count the well-written stories of this kind on the fingers of my hands and spare some, the fact remains that this plot can be worked properly, and there is no reason why where some have trodden with success others cannot follow. Here we will stare down one by one the plot-beasts that have turned the 'girl-into-ME' stories in one of the readers' worst nightmares, and see if something good cannot be made out of them. (And, believe me, it can).

a) I got there, somehow…who cares? We do. If your story involves a passage from one universe to another, the means of this passage are fundamental. After Narnia was hidden at the back of a wardrobe, almost anything is fair game: and by 'almost' I mean that your character being the daughter of Elrond/niece of Gandalf/sister of Aragorn hidden away from Sauron in the XXI century U.S. to be brought back in glory to save them all from the Ring is not a good idea. I say Sauron, since all of the 'girl-into-ME' stories take place during the War of the Ring. We Silmarillion-obsessants are waiting for the Silm movie to bring new crowds to the forsaken shores of First Age Middle-earth. The method used to reach the Tolkienverse varies from fic to fic: in one particularly imaginative case, Larry1107's Plain Jane in Thirteen Chapters, Fanfiction itself punishes a supercilious girl by sending her to Middle-earth. Whichever device you choose to apply, bear in mind that being thrown from your world into the next should be a bit traumatic. Middle-earth as an environment can be roughly compared to Middle Age Europe: not unarmed girl-friendly. And no, you may not equip your protagonist with a superlight purse containing all she may need in every circumstance (unless, of course, she is Hermione Granger.)

b) Secret Council, my arse: In the most popular plotline, the protagonist will fall into Middle-earth just before the Council of Elrond, just to be conveniently picked up by a passing Man/Hobbit/Elf, brought to Rivendell, and then invited to the aforementioned secret meeting. While it is highly probable that if Aragorn stumbled upon a lost girl on his way to Imladris he would bring her along, remember that the Council is the supersecret meeting where they decide what to do with the dangerous weapon of the Enemy: do you really think they would invite to it a girl coming from an unknown place? In times of war, a girl who claims to come from another world would be suspicious to say the least, and the last thing she would be allowed to do would be listening in to the big boys planning wargames. Does she befriend the hobbits and covertly eavesdrop with them? All right: but if even Arwen was not at the Council, your character is not likely to receive Elrond's official invitation.

c) I'm waaaaalkiiiiing with the Ring: on her website, Merin Essi Ar Quenteli!, dreamingfifi has an excellent essay on why the Fellowship of the Ring should comprise nine walkers, not ten. To throw in a small hint: Nine Riders against Nine Walkers. Just saying. So, if you really really want your character to trot along, it means that another of the official nine stays home. (Please, DON'T look like that at Gimli. Fair representation for Dwarves, anyone?) Book!Elrond wanted to send Pippin back in the Shire, so I'd say that is your best chance; or, if you fancy Pippin, send back Merry. (Yes, in the book the Shire was conquered and scoured: somebody telling them to look out for nasties might have come handy.) Also, remember to answer one basic question: why should indeed your protagonist be sent on the secret quest? Unless she is a highly trained special forces officer, her best contribution to the quest would be that she knows already how it will end. Knowing gives her power: a power far more effective than the deadly attractive bodies and unlikely fighting skills so many girls into ME are endowed with. By flaunting the fact that she knows what's happening, and so could indeed help, she has the means to bargain to obtain what she wants, and join in the trekking trip.

Once your character is on the road, remember to keep it real: trudging into the wild with only as much luggage as she can carry is going to be hard on her feet, her mood, and her figure. ('Cause losing weight in real physical efforts, unlike in well-controlled gyms, makes for some unattractive gauntness: for a realistic description of a girl's hard time with the Fellowship, see Pink Siamese's A Dawn of Many Colors series.) As you cross out a change of dress for a romantic lounging by the campfire in the evenings, you can dedicate yourself to the really interesting task at hand: building your own story. Too many 'girls-into-ME' fics are but a doting witnessing of the events of the original plot: do you really believe the addition of somebody who already knows what lies ahead won't change a thing? If you joined the Fellowship, would you allow them to go into Moria when you know a Balrog is there? Would you let Frodo stray away on the Anduin's shore, when you know the Orcs are near? Be courageous: what you look at, you change. If you put a new character into the story, the story has to change accordingly.

d) Secret Council: take two: some clever authors bypass the problem of the Council of Elrond by having their character end up in Middle-earth after the Fellowship hits the road. These guys are definitely too good at heart to leave a damsel in distress in the wild, so indeed they can't but lug her along. If you have your protagonist join them after Moria, she won't even be a tenth walker, as by then they are sadly down to eight. Consider that Aragorn would probably try to 'make safe' any such damsel by leaving her with Galadriel: unless you fancy her fighting for Lothlorien with the Galadhrim, the 'I-know-what's-going-to-happen-so-you-had-better-bring-me-along' card could be successfully played now.

e) Kiss me, Leggy: let's face it: the only reason why writers bother to send modern day girls into Middle-earth is for them to fall in love with the heroes (and otherwise, we wouldn't be discussing this here). While it's all good and fair for romances with the fellowship, remember that the guys are out on a mission to save the Earth; so probably there'll be some serious fighting to do between one make-out session and the other. Too many fics focus so much on the romance you start wondering exactly why Aragorn is still leading the Fellowhip when clearly all he wants to do is sleep with the female protagonist (oh, and, there's that little Arwen thingy to sort out. Just saying.) One last thing: if you fancy Legolas, Frodo and Eomer, that'll make for the inspiration for several different fics. Don't try to cram all of your romantic interests in one fic for your protagonist to take on, or that'll only make for the inspiration for hilarious parodies such as Cressida and Gipsy Rose's Debbie Does the Fellowship.

Ultimately, the only way to a write a decent girl into ME fic is: think it through. Don't just write down your wish-fulfillment for the world to read. We all write to escape somewhere else; yes, even those who write to denounce the ills of society. When we write, we live other lives. But to make them worthy of being read, we have to take them one step further than a daydream.

16. Monster love: Orcs in romance

Orcs make for wonderful villains: they're easy to write (make them blundering, sadistic brutes and they'll be believable), they're virtually without personality, and they can make the worst of possibly thinkable actions without getting in the mesh of having to write of their guilt and regret. However, if in romance fics they are usually cast as rapists, abductors and slayers, comfortably at hand as disposable elements of disturb and tragedy, some very courageous authors are delving deeper into the Orcish world, taking on the disturbing questions left behind by these disquieting creatures.

As said before, we have extensive proof the Orcs reproduce by sexual intercourse, so there must be Orcish women and cute little Orclings somewhere (perhaps not so cute, all right.) In The Hobbit Gollum kidnapped and ate one Orcish child, so the doubts on this point are definitely solved: all those countless, faceless, nasty soldiers dying by the thousand under the walls of Minas Tirith and Helm's Deep had families back home.

When in the ROTK book Sam gets to eavesdrop on a couple of Orcs, we learn that they serve their masters but unwillingly, and dream of another, independent life elsewhere. (Admittedly, one of plunder and violence. C'mon, they're always Orcs.) There are many points still open to exploration in the Orcish world, such as what end did all those families of soldiers meet, or what form Orcish love takes.

Whether we make them the soulless, heartless baddies obligingly providing flesh for the heroes to slaughter (a purpose they faithfully serve throughout Tolkien's writings) or explore them as a desperate, damned race, living their own short-lived, brutal dreams, Orcs are without doubt an irrenounceable element of the universe of Tolkienverse fanfic.


Chapter 5 - Chapter 5

17. Dwarves: know nothing, guess even less

A secretive, hoarding, resilient people, Dwarves are probably Tolkien's most underrated creatures, lacking even the malefic appeal and undeniable usefulness for any plot of the villainous monsters. Of them we know but a bunch of facts: that there are few women among them, and that they look remarkably like their men (beards included); that they have a secret language and secret names they tell no one; that they are very resistant to evil, and indeed less easily corrupted than both Men and Elves; and that their jealous love for what they make and what they deem theirs is often their undoing (see Thorin and his dealings with the treasure under the Mountain for more information).

Tolkien's most famous Dwarf is Gimli; and while his close friendship with Legolas has brought to the creation of fics laden with heavy innuendo and puns about the Dwarvish, ahem, equipment, the rest of his people are usually passed over in romantic fanfiction. Dwarves are resistant, but not pretty by our standards; and the comic relief Gimli provides in the movies has undermined his credibility as a 'serious' character even more. All this is a pity, because the lack of information about them opens up unexplored and vast lands for willing writers. No more can be said here, but that Dwarvish romance is possible, and indeed highly enjoyable: and Camilla Sandman's The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth makes for both an hilarious read and a convincing proof of this fact.

18. The Middle-earth patient: love in the healing house

Judging from the high number of soldiers who got romantically entangled with their nurses in military hospitals, there must be something in the old plot of the heroine nursing the hero back to health, with him falling for her in the process. While this can make for some sweet, beautiful romance, remember something: illness isn't pleasant. If the hero is wounded, there'll be bandages to change, dirt to be cleaned from bleeding wounds, pus oozing from the sores…not to mention the embarrassing affair of the toilet. Talk for two minutes with a professional nurse and she'll tell you nursing involves much more than the clean and nice mopping of the brow and raving love declarations they show us in the movies. You can handle the unromantic details? Go forth and write. If you can't, just keep your heroes fit. Or dump them in the Houses of Healing until they are again.

Another point: we all know mankind is fragile. We are some seriously breakable creatures. Even a tough guy like Aragorn and Boromir will have broken a leg or cut himself badly sometimes in his life. But Elves are not fragile at all: too graceful and lithe to hurt themselves by mistake, they are also extremely difficult to wound. Taking down an Elven warrior involves multiple wounds from several different opponents half of which at least will be dispatched to kingdom come before their opponent eventually dies. One First Age Elf hang from a peak by his wrist for ten years, and afterwards recovered admirably. The bottom line being: if you want Legolas stuck on a bed for your heroine to take care of, provide that some serious catastrophe has reduced him there. Where 'serious catastrophe' means: 'a lot more than one stray Orc'.

19. Sing to me, o Muse: song and poetry in romance

Tolkien was a decent poet. More than that: he could be a good one. He liked to measure himself with ancient metrons, he liked to reinvent and rediscover lost styles. He could write Anglo-Saxon poems and he could set in rhyme the tales and legends of the world he had created. He could be funny, romantic, tragic; and he liked to make his work rich with his creations. Many of his characters join a love for poetry with a talent for ruling and fighting, see Aragorn; while others, famous for their singing, can stand their ground in battle (Maglor). It is undeniable that poetry is an important component of the Tolkienverse, and as such is a force to be reckoned with by fanfiction writers.

There is such a thing as poem-fics, and those who are able to compose can produce very remarkable works in this field. Alas, not all of us were born bards; and to force yourself to write poetry, when poetry is not your thing, may bring only to your frustration and unsatisfaction with your work. Quite unnecessarily: not all who write prose are good at poetry, where the reverse equally applies, and some prose may get impressively close to poetry without quite touching it. If you need some poetry in your fic and your Muse taps her sandal at you impatiently refusing to do the work and wishing to get on with the story instead, know that the twelve volumes of History of Middle-earth contain numerous and lengthy samples of Tolkien's poetic takes on Middle-earth; poems that your refined Elvish and human characters are very likely to know and quote when needed.

If your Aragorn wishes to woo Eowyn with some poetry, and the little Shakespeare in you that day is not likely to rise from his bed and get to work, you have but to go back to Tolkien a moment and select an appropriate piece. (Given the maiden's temperament, I'd advise a bloody poem on a lost but glorious battle).

20. Crossed: when universes overlap

It can be Hermione, Buffy or Xena. It can be a misplaced spell, a portal, a Hellmouth; whatever the reason why it happens, it happens rather often. It's the crossover: two fandoms clash, chaos ensues. Crossover is infinite and unforeseeable, and new combinations appear every day. The Galactica may land on Elrond's lawn, or Otori Takeo gallop his way to Middle-earth; and Phoebe Halliwell could end up dating Legolas in the Enterprise's lounge. Too many and variegated are the characteristics of this genre to examined here, so, very shortly, one may say that all we have discussed in the preceding points applies: crossover is difficult because so many variables have to be taken into account, but it can be great when the writer manages to bend both universes to his/her will and use the clash to show new and unpredictable sides to both stories. Edward Cullen could very well enjoy his stay in Minas Tirith; and if you will have the courage to bring it one step forward from Bella becoming the umpteenth Tenth Walker, so could the readers.

21. Conclusion: bringing the romance out there

Romance is one of the oldest genres: the most ancient written tales bear already traces of the hero's courtship of his lady, and amid their adventures the Greek, Roman, Anglo-Saxon, Japanese and Chinese heroes found the time to fall in love. People scoff at romance, saying it's easy and cheap; those who write it know it is not so, and indeed will continue writing it with pride. Love, or its absence, helps defining the way we live; and when we write, be it original fiction or fanfic, love is a force we reckon with.

In this essay I have touched on one very specific subject, romantic fanfiction in the Tolkien universe: a theme that inspires and permeates my own conception of romance. I don't own the truth, nor pretend to know everything, and my sole purpose in setting out in this work is to help my fellow authors providing them with those answers I missed when I began writing on this subject. Hopefully no one will have felt offended; and indeed offence was the last thing I wished to give.

May your ways be golden and green, say the Elves when they say goodbye; I may add, may your writing and reading romance give you many an hour of pleasure, and help you on the endless way to becoming an ever better author.
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