Story Downloaded from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net)
Title: One Heartbeat (#4580)
Author: isilelensar
Chapters: 11
Archive: Haikyu!!
Category: Alternate Universe
Description: They thought they had forever, but Fate had a cruel way of tearing them apart.
Published: 15 Oct 2021
Updated: 16 Oct 2021
Warnings: canondivergent, kurootsuki, spoiler alert
Type: Romance
Characters:
Chapter 1 - One
Do you remember the day we met, Kei? I do. Like it was yesterday.
I was always running when I was younger. I liked being fast, feeling the wind race through my hair, knowing I was going to get there first before all the others. There were also the times when I was running to get away from people, from bad situations, to be alone when I needed space to think.
That day was part of the latter reason. My parents were fighting again; this time, it was about moving away. Dad had taken a new position in the company he worked for, and it required moving to Tokyo, where its headquarters were based. Mother wanted to stay in Miyagi. All of our family was here; she wanted my big sister and I to grow up here. Tokyo was too big. We knew no one there. It was too far away.
This fight was louder than the others. I remember that. My sister told me I should also leave before it got worse. So I picked up a few things, stuffed them in a bag, and ran. I could have run to a cousin’s house, or to my grandparents’. But… I wasn’t really thinking about that. I just… ran. I was running as fast as I could, and I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings…
“WATCH OUT!!”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
Someone yelled at me as I’d reached the intersection you were standing at. I’d brushed by you, and knocked you off-balance, but you reached out and grabbed my arm before I ran out into traffic. We both landed hard on the pavement. I hadn’t quite come out of the trance I was in, either.
“Are you okay?!”
“Do you need medical attention?”
“You two don’t look hurt.”
“Thank goodness he saved you!”
The questions and concerns flooded my senses. I wanted to run away again, but couldn’t. The way we landed was, well, awkward to say the least. I only noticed that much. I hadn’t really looked up, and I was trying to catch my breath. Then, you spoke. Your voice shot through me, a sweet sensation that made my heart thump a little harder than it already was. That’s when I saw you.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Are you alright?”
Your face was close to mine, and flushed, like mine felt. Your eyes looked a little watery, but no tears fell. They were golden brown eyes, enhanced by a pair of black-rimmed glasses. Your blond hair was wind-tussled, as if you had been running, too.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“I’m fine. I think.”
I couldn’t stop staring. Which was different than anyone else I’d ever met. I barely kept eye contact with anyone, I was so shy. But you. There was something about you that I couldn’t quite place. Something that made me want to look at you, listen to you… be with you. I guess my heart knew what it wanted before I could even understand.
“Omigod, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to knock you over!”
“It’s okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Maybe we should get up. Let me help you.”
I scrambled to my feet and then reached down for your hand. Do you remember that feeling, Kei? To this day, I can’t quite explain how it felt. It was kind of like a… a jolt of sensation that shot straight to my heart. I felt goosebumps rise along my skin, and it made it feel like my hair was standing on end. More so than usual. It was like I’d been shocked, struck by lightning. When I looked at you, it seemed you’d felt it, too. Your eyes were wide, and your face was flushed again. I pulled you up a little too hard, and you practically stumbled into me. We were the same height, then. Almost. I was just a little taller.
“Where were you running to?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, the park isn’t too far. We can go there, if you want?”
“I don’t know.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Do you want to come to my house? My mom and brother are home. She’s making pork cutlet bowls for dinner.”
Honestly, Kei, you were always offering me food, even back then. No matter the situation, you always offered food first, then we’d do whatever we wanted. As long as we ate something. You were happy making food for me, and I was happy eating whatever you put in front of me. I loved your food.
“Do you think she’ll mind?”
“Nope! She likes when ni-san brings his friends over. I think she just likes cooking for a lot of people. It’s usually just the three of us.”
“If you’re sure…”
“Yeah! Come on! It’s not far.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
We walked hand in hand all the way to your house. We never did let go of each other. I instantly fell in love with your family, Kei. Your mom was super kind, and she made room at the table as if I were just a part of the family coming home late for dinner. She didn’t scold me for being late, either. And Akiteru! He just started talking to me like we’d known each other forever, as if I was another little brother. I was a complete unknown to all of you, yet it felt like we fit together like puzzle pieces. We were just waiting to be connected.
“Who’s your friend, Kei?”
“Oh! Uhhhmmm…”
Akiteru started laughing, and your mom was smiling.
“Brand new friends, are you?”
“I’m Tetsuro Kuroo. Nice to meet you.”
“My name is Kei Tsukishima. That’s my brother, Akiteru. And my mom…”
“Just call me ‘Mom’.”
“May I? Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Okay. Nice to meet you, Mom.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
For the rest of that school year, maybe a few months at most, we were practically inseparable. Well, as much as we could be when we went to different schools, and lived on opposite sides of town. We were best friends… sort of. There was more to it than just friendship, but we were young and naive, so ‘best friends’ was the most we could call ourselves. I practically lived at your house; I was there every chance I got, which was frequently. Mom let me use the guest room like it was mine, even though we shared yours.
But… a few months was all we had. My dad informed my sister and I that we were moving to Tokyo. My mother wasn’t speaking to him, or to us. Naturally, I ran to you. I told you that we were moving away, that we might not see each other ever again, and both of us were inconsolable. Two young boys, holding on to each other for dear life, crying our eyes out. Ni-san had excused himself, but Mom cried with us, wrapping her arms around us and comforting us. She said we could keep in touch, somehow. Write letters, call or text. Tokyo wasn’t too far, by train. Maybe a visit or two wouldn’t be too difficult.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
Little did we know that keeping in touch would be so much harder than we thought. Once the school year was over, my family moved to Tokyo.
Chapter 2 - Two
Looking back, it was my fault we lost contact with each other.
I met Kenma after we moved in. He was a year younger than me, lived next door, and didn’t mind hanging out with a shy, older boy, who was still hurting from being apart from you. He drew me out by letting me talk about home, Mom and Akiteru. I talked about you the most. He listened to me, knew how I felt, and talked to me. It wasn’t long before I considered him my new best friend. We went to the same school, took most of the same classes, and even joined the volleyball club. We were close, and sometimes, people thought there was more to our friendship than there really was. Kenma and I would laugh about it, whenever another rumor made its way to us.
A few years later, my parents divorced. Dad was going to stay in Tokyo. His job was too important to leave. By that time, my memories of you had been buried deep. I guess it was because they were too precious to lose, and so they were tucked away in a place where even I couldn’t reach them. Isn’t that strange? I thought I’d forgotten everything about Miyagi, including you and your family who accepted me as one of their own.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
I had grown used to living in Tokyo, and was about to enter my first year at Nekoma High. Kenma was my best friend, but I had also made other friends along the way. Mother offered to bring me back with her after their divorce was final, but I said no. I hated moving, and didn’t want to move again, so I decided to stay with dad. My sister had already gone off to University, and was engaged to be married, so she had moved on with her life.
You and I finally met again when I was a third year at Nekoma, and you were a first year at Karasuno. Your faculty advisor had been after our coach to have a practice match between our teams. We were already scheduled to play with another school along the way, so our coach agreed. I came to find out later that Coach had his own reasons for our schools meeting, the biggest of which was the Trashcan Showdown. So, we headed to Miyagi to play Karasuno.
I hadn’t seen you at first, or maybe I just didn’t recognize you right away. We had been playing all day, and were opposite each other for much of that time. You were a good middle blocker, and I could tell you had the potential to be even better. But neither of us would so much as say a word to the other. Not until the matches were over, and we were getting ready to leave.
I was on my way to collect Inuoka, as he was the last in the gym. He was too busy talking and jumping with Chibi-chan, so I was going to wait a little longer. But then, I saw you standing there, looking so bemused. I hadn’t given it much thought, but the bond we shared so long ago was slowly resurfacing from the place it had been hidden, and I was feeling its pull. It was faint, but noticeable, and I found myself making my way to you.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Do you … understand that?”
“Nah. They sound like a couple of toddlers. But you know, maybe you should try goofing off once in a while instead of acting all stoic,”
“That’s not one of my strong suits.”
“Mmmhmmm. Ya sound like an old man.”
You walked away, and I was able to get Inuoka’s attention long enough to tell him we were leaving. But, that whole time, I never lost sight of you, Kei. I watched you walk away, leaving me behind, and the bond grew stronger. I had the strangest urge to follow you, to grab your hand and never let go, but I still hadn’t fully recognized you. And, as far as I was aware, you didn’t know me.
As our teams said farewell, we passed each other and I heard you say something that stopped me dead in my tracks.
“It’s been a while… Kuroo.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
Your voice shot through me, a sweet sensation that made my heart thump harder than it already was. The memories came flooding back, almost too fast for me to process. Everything I’d locked away; meeting you, your mom and brother. Everything. It all came back, and I turned around so fast that I nearly fell over. You were facing me, both hands in your pockets, and your face… I could never forget that look of anger, of hurt and disappointment, of sadness. It was all in your eyes, and my vision started blurring.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Kei… I…”
“Don’t call me that! Please. It’s Tsukishima.”
“Right. I’m sorry, Tsukishima.”
That felt so wrong. Everything felt wrong. I didn’t know what to do, or how I could fix it. I just knew I wanted to see you smile. But, obviously, that wasn’t going to happen. Not now, anyway. You tilted your head to the side, and your eyes echoed your curiosity.
“Why didn’t you…?”
“TSUKI! WE’VE GOTTA GO!”
“COME ON, KUROO! WE’LL MISS OUR TRAIN!”
“I want to explain…”
“Why now?”
“Please?”
I handed over my phone, hoping you would put your number in there. It felt like years before you finally took it, typed your number into my contact list, and handed it back.
“Thank you, Tsukishima. I’ll text you once we’re on the train.”
“No rush. I stopped waiting to hear from you years ago.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. You had every right to say that to me, but it still hurt to hear you say it, and it hurt to see that look in your eyes. We both turned away from each other, and went to our waiting teams. I kept my word and texted you, and I slowly explained everything, and tried to repair the damage I’d done.
Two months later, we met in Tokyo.
Nothing had really changed in person. But we kept that line of communication open, and we talked via text. I took it. It was something to hold onto besides that little flame of hope that things between us would change for the better.
Two weeks passed and we met again at Shinzen for summer training camp.
I had a week to talk to you, listen to you, be with you. I freed up so much time so I could do all those things and not get in trouble. I don’t know what finally went right, but soon, you were seeking me out, talking to me, being with me. There were several nights where we started practicing in the 3rd gym, but then ended up walking around the school, both inside and out. I loved those nights.
I loved you.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
Did you know that, Kei? Did you know I had fallen in love with you? Maybe you did. I could see it in your eyes, but was too scared to ask you, to tell you how I felt. But the thing was, I didn’t just fall in love with you that week at Shinzen. It happened all those years ago; the day we met, in fact. I didn’t realize it until our summer camp. All those years I’d lost. The chance I let slip through my fingers. So much I wanted to make up for. You were everything I ever needed in my life, and I wanted you back.
The last night at Shinzen was one I’ll never forget. As if I could ever forget any time spent with you, but that night was… special.
We went for a walk, like we had done before. To the top of the hill outside the gym, and further away so that the only light we had was the full moon and glittering stars. We found a little spot that was hidden away, and you turned to face me. At first, I was confused, but then I looked into your eyes. Those gorgeous golden brown eyes spoke volumes without you saying a word. You loved me, too.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
We moved at the same time, into each other's arms, kissing for the first time. We explored each other, learning what the other liked and didn’t like. We made love under that moon and starry sky.
Chapter 3 - Three
“Don’t cry. I love you.”
“But… we won.”
“Are you crying because you won, or because we lost?”
“... yes.”
“Smartass.”
“You love it, though.”
“Yes, I do. Always.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Will you watch us play Kamomedai?”
“Of course! Wouldn’t miss it!”
“Good.”
We both laughed, and then we cried. Karasuno won the Trashcan Showdown over Nekoma at Nationals. It was amazing that both teams were happy, and sad, at the same time. We probably confused the spectators by hugging each other after the traditional hand shake. I mean, our teams were destined rivals, but we were also friends. Our teams fought well, but only one proved better, and that was your team, Kei.
I understood why you were upset. You took everything you learned from me, Akaashi, and your brother’s team, and used it against me in order to win. I wasn’t mad. I hope you know that. It was actually quite amazing to see the middle blocker I always knew you could be, even at the cost of losing.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
The Kamomedai game was intense. But first Chibi-chan was subbed out due to his fever, and then you had a leg cramp and also subbed out. Without their greatest decoy and their best blocker, Karasuno couldn’t hold up against Kamomedai. I held you as you cried, this time because you felt that it was all your fault. It took hours to convince you that there was nothing you could have done. As efficient a player as you were, you gave your all and plenty more. You were lucky it was just a leg cramp, and not something worse.
We stayed the next two days to support Bokuto and Akaashi as Fukurodani made it to the finals. When they lost, we all hung out at Akaashi’s place, celebrating that they ranked 2nd in the nation, but still bummed that they lost. Bokuto told us his plans to continue playing volleyball after high school. Akaashi was going to go into publishing, and I… Well, I knew what I wanted to do, but I hadn’t told you yet.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
The last night, we spent time at my place. You were leaving in the morning. We both had school, still, so I couldn’t go with you, even though I wanted to. Do you remember that night, Kei? We were inseparable, despite the fact that life was tearing us apart again. We made memories that night; we couldn’t get enough of each other. We exhausted ourselves, but managed once more. Afterward, you collapsed on top of me, and I wrapped you up in my arms.
“How long before I see you again, Tetsu?”
“March. You’re coming for graduation, right?”
“Well, yeah. Duh.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Kei, I want to go to University in Miyagi.”
“Are you serious?”
“Why so surprised? You knew I was planning on coming back.”
“I’d only guessed.”
“Okay. So, what do you think?”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Not gonna lie, I absolutely love that idea.”
“But…?”
“Is it really what’s best for you?”
“What do you mean? How can it not be?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love that you want to go to school in Miyagi. But… if going to a school in Tokyo was better for you, especially because you want to work for the JVA, don’t you think you should stay here?”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Why do you have to be the voice of reason?”
“I’m not. Not really. Ultimately, we both want the same thing. It’s just… we might have to wait until I graduate before we can make it a reality.”
“Who says?”
“Are you going to be stubborn about it?”
“Yes! No. Ugh! Maybe? Look, I’ll do more homework on this. But, if there’s a way to achieve both goals, then I’m going to take it. Deal?”
“Deal.”
We both knew I was going to do everything I could to get my way on this. I never told you that I just wanted to go home. Home was in Miyagi. Home was you. I think you might have understood my motives a little better had I said that. Maybe I should have. They say hindsight is 20/20, but at the time, I was only thinking about spending the rest of my life with you.
By March, my plans were set in motion. I transferred all my credits from the school I had chosen in Tokyo, to Miyagi University. With Kenma’s help, I packed up everything I was taking with me in just a few bags. Bokuto and Akaashi helped pack up the rest of my stuff, which would be brought up later. Mom insisted I move into the guest room at home, so housing wasn’t an issue. The JVA would be opening up a new headquarters located in Sendai, and that was the icing on the cake. All I had left to do was tell you. But when your train arrived the night before graduation, I knew you’d found out. Your face was brilliant with happiness, your eyes sparkling like stars. You ran to me, and threw yourself into my arms, laughing and crying all at once.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“When are you coming home?”
“I can leave anytime.”
“After the ceremony?”
“I love the way you think, but not that soon. Bokuto and Akaashi have a going away party planned. Not to mention, the one my teammates put together for us. I’m guessing we can leave around 10pm tomorrow night.”
“Better late than never, I suppose.”
“Better late than never.”
Time has a way of moving so slowly when you’re anticipating something exciting. I thought the graduation ceremony went on for years, but it was over in two hours. The after-parties were fun, but endless. I loved my friends, but they didn’t know how much I wanted to leave. Good thing you were there with me, Kei. You kept me grounded enough that I was able to enjoy myself and stay.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
Bokuto and Akaashi saw us off at the train station, with promises of visits and bringing the rest of my stuff. We stood in a circle and just talked until it was time to go. I couldn’t help but think this might be the last time I’d see these two at the same time. I couldn’t help thinking this was the last time our squad would all be together at the same time. Quickly, I asked the nearest person to take a picture of the four of us, and then we said our farewells. As the train took you and I back home, I sent it to you, Bokuto and Akaashi.
Do you still have that picture, Kei?
Chapter 4 - Four
We had several years together, and they were the happiest of my life.
It was easier to make it to your games while I was at University. I remember when your team made it all the way to the semi-finals at Nationals during your third year, and I had never been so proud in my life. Do you remember seeing Daichi, Suga, and nearly all of the others in the cheering section, Kei? I’m sure you heard us, I mean, how could anyone miss Saeko and her Taiko drums? We cheered the loudest, and when Karasuno was finally defeated, we smiled through our tears.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
After your graduation, you enrolled at Miyagi University, and we had a year of college together. In so many ways, I wished we could have gone to the same schools while growing up, but we couldn’t. So, we made the best of our year of college; studying together, going to a few parties, hanging out with friends.
I went directly to work as soon as I graduated college. I worked with the sports division of the JVA, which required some travel, so once again, we were forced to be apart. That was the only part of my job that I hated, if I were honest about it. You helped me through those times, though. You made it a point to call or text every evening. Even if it was just a simple ‘I love you,’ or a ‘how are you doing?’ I responded as fast as I could, but you were patient when I couldn’t.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
Some of those trips, you were able to come with me. We were reunited with old friends and classmates who were still playing pro-volleyball. I think your favorite trip was the one where we met up with Hinata and Oikawa in Brazil, though you would never admit it to them. And, even though it was a business trip for me, we managed to fit in some sightseeing, and enjoyed the food. I remember you bringing home a few cookbooks, hoping to try making some of the Brazilian dishes you loved the most.
When you weren’t able to come with me, I quickly discovered that my favorite part of any business trip was coming home. No plane, train, or car was ever fast enough. Even a thirty minute trip from Sendai to home was akin to a century. But when I walked through the door, you were waiting for me with arms open wide and the brightest smile on your face. I was home. You were my home, Kei, and I loved you so much.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
For your graduation from college, I surprised you with a scrambled together reunion. Do you remember that? I called Akaashi, who also called Bokuto, and they came up first. Then, I found an old, but still good, number for your Coach Ukai, who was miraculously still in contact with much of your original team. Naturally, Daichi and Suga came, as well as Tanaka, his wife Kiyoko, and his sister Saeko. Yamaguchi was hot on their heels, and Yachi with him. Hinata and Kageyama sent their congratulations via video message, with a bonus congratulations from Oikawa, who photobombed Hinata’s message. Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei were the last to arrive.
We weren’t supposed to, but we cheered for you as you made your way across the stage for your diploma. The expression on your face was priceless, once you realized who was cheering for you. Equal parts surprise, happiness, and irritation; somehow you managed it all. Good thing we were close enough to the stage, because when your eyes locked with mine, I knew you loved my surprise. And I had one more planned for you, but that would be for later, when we were alone.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
During the dinner party at home, I took the opportunity to steal you away, grabbed your hand and went out to the back yard. Maybe it was poor planning on my part, thinking our friends wouldn’t notice, but looking back, I know I should have picked a more secluded area. Like our bedroom. But honestly, it didn’t really matter. They are the ones who took pictures of the moment I proposed to you; Akaashi even had the forethought to get it on video.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I mean, it will be. I hope.”
“Will be? You hope? Tetsu, what…”
I took the rings out of my pocket and then lowered myself to one knee. I gently took your left hand and slid one ring on the third finger. From behind me, I heard sniffles from several of our friends.
“Kei Tsukishima, my voice of reason, my best friend, love of my life, my home. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“He looks frozen.”
“His face is all red. Clearly indicative of frostbite, Genius.”
“I thought he’d have answered by now, to be honest.”
“Has he said yes, yet?”
“Was that Hinata??”
“Yeah, I got him on FaceTime. Oikawa, too.”
“Will you guys be quiet?!”
I was sure they did that on purpose. Our friends were the best. Both of us started laughing, but the tears in your eyes spilled over. I tugged on your hand, and you lowered yourself to your knees. I knew your answer before you even said anything, but I wanted to hear it. I needed to hear it. You clearly had other ideas, because you reached up to caress my face, and trail your fingers through my hair. Then, you leaned in and kissed me.
“Is that a yes?”
“It certainly looks like one.”
“I don’t know. We need closure.”
“You guys are ruining the moment.”
“They haven’t said anything, yet.”
“Not that they can, at the moment.”
“Oh my god. Will you guys shut up?!”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
I was so happy that all I could do was gather you up in my arms and hold you tight. Our friends, the peanut gallery, went wild. But none of that mattered. We were going to be together forever, as we always should have been. When we finally let go of each other, you took the other ring, and slipped it onto my finger. It was then that my own tears fell, and you kissed them away.
We spent the rest of the evening showing off our rings, answering all sorts of questions about how we met and everything, and then being congratulated by everyone who found out via social media.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
When our friends left, we helped Mom and Ni-san clean up, and then as a bonus surprise for both of us, they left for Sendai. They’d be gone for the weekend. We took advantage of having the house to ourselves for a few days. We never left, choosing to stay inside most of the time. We celebrated our engagement by making plans for our wedding, discussing possible places to live, and just loving each other endlessly.
A month later, I was sent on another business trip. It was only supposed to be a few days, but it turned into a week. Still, like every other trip before, you called and texted every evening. We’d talk for as long as we could, if one of us didn’t fall asleep first.
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
It was strange, Kei. The closer the time came for me to leave, the more I was desperate to be home. It wasn’t like all the other trips before, either. This time, it felt like if I didn’t get home soon, I’d never see you again. I don’t know where the feeling came from, or why, but as soon as I was finished with my assignment, I hurried home.
The last thing I remember clearly was the cab ride from Sendai to Ogawara. We were almost out of the city, and I remember asking the driver to go a little faster. I checked the time on my phone, never seeing the vehicle that slammed into our car.
Chapter 5 - Five
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Tetsu? I’m here now. You’ll be okay.”
“Kei... I love you.”
“I love you, too. You’re going to be fine. The doctor is going to do everything he can.”
_^_^_^____ One heartbeat. Two. Three.
“Kei??”
“I’m here, Tetsu. I’m not going to leave you.”
_^_^_____ One heartbeat. Two.
“I don’t... want... to leave you.”
“Don’t say that, Tetsu. You’re going to be okay. Bokuto and Akaashi are here, too. They came up to visit...”
“Not… leave… you…”
“Tetsu?”
_^______ One heartbeat.
“Love… you… forever… Kei...”
“I love you, too. Forever.”
__________
What little grip he had went slack. His body sagged as his last breath left his body. The machine that monitored his heartbeat didn’t beep anymore; there was only one single tone. The doctor rushed in, and nurses swiftly ushered everyone out. Kei fought desperately to get back into the room, but Akaashi and Bokuto both held him back. Just as Ni-san and Mom came running down the hallway to them, the doctor came out slowly. There was no noise coming from the room; they had turned off the monitor. Kei could see the bed from where his friends held him back, and the sheet was covering Tetsu’s face now. A single sob escaped him as he looked frantically at the doctor, who could only shake his head. The fight went out of him. He could barely breathe, much less stand.
“But… but you said…”
“His injuries were too severe. I’m sorry.” The doctor bowed deeply to Kei, and to everyone else. “I’m so sorry.” And he walked away.
“Shit,” he heard Bokuto swear softly.
Akaashi’s hold grew tighter, even as they sank to the floor. The next thing Kei knew, both his mom and brother were there with him. But he felt nothing. He couldn’t even cry. He only saw the bed that still held Tetsu’s body. What were they going to do now? They? No, it was just him now. No ‘we’, no ‘us’; just one when there should be two.
A low moan escaped his lips.
“We need to get him home,” he heard his brother say.
“No,” he whispered.
“But Kei…”
“No! Don’t take me home! I can’t… it’s just…” he couldn’t find the words. Tetsu had always called him the voice of reason, but his reason was clearly gone.
“I’ll take you to our hotel,” Bokuto said gently. He understood what Kei couldn’t say.
“I’ll catch up after I tell them,” it seemed Akaashi did, too, as he helped get Kei standing again. Once Bokuto and Kei were out of earshot, Akaashi looked at Akiteru and his mom. “Right now, Tetsuro is still at the house for him. All his stuff, his scent, his presence… all the memories they made, dreams they shared… It's too much for Kei to handle right now. I’m sorry if I’m explaining things like you don’t already know…”
His mom shook her head. “It’s fine,” she said in a broken voice. “I understand. I almost don’t want to go home, either.” Tears streamed down her face. Akaashi stood awkwardly for a few minutes, but then held out his arms. She went immediately into them and cried.
“Would it be alright if I paid my respects?” Akiteru asked softly. Akaashi nodded and Kei’s older brother went into the room.
Eventually, Kei’s mom went into the room to say goodbye to Tetsuro. Akaashi waited respectfully in the hallway. It took a moment to realize his phone was vibrating in his pocket. Taking it out, he looked down at the message.
“CALL ME NOW!”
He almost ignored it, too used to Bokuto’s touchscreen keyboard being stuck in capital letters. But another message came immediately following that one.
“KEI RAN OFF! I CAN’T FIND HIM!”
“Shit!” he muttered as he quickly unlocked his phone and dialed Bokuto’s number. As soon as he heard Bokuto answer, he spoke. “What do you mean he ran off? He was barely able to stand. How the hell did he manage to run away?”
“I don’t know! We were walking toward the cabs and suddenly he shook me off. Next thing I knew he was already halfway down the street in the other direction. I tried to follow, but I didn’t want to get lost.”
“He could be anywhere by now,” Akaashi said thoughtfully. He looked up at Akiteru, who had come back out after hearing his side of the call. “Can you think of anywhere he could have gone? Any favorite places?”
“No. None that he didn’t go to without Tetsu.”
“Any parks nearby?”
“Two that I can think of. But again, they both went to those parks…”
“I understand, but we need to start somewhere.”
“Right.”
“Bokuto, do you remember which way you saw him go?”
“Yeah. We were going right; he ran straight left.”
“Which way are you facing now?” He was used to Bokuto’s directions.
“I’m facing the hospital.”
“Okay,” he turned to Akiteru. “Do you know which park is in this direction?” He oriented himself as if he were facing the hospital and pointed to the right.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Kei went that way. Will you go down and meet Bokuto? You two can look there. Your mom and I can go to the other park.”
“Sure. She knows where that is.”
“It’s further away, though. We’ll have to take a cab,” she added.
“Fine. Bokuto, Akiteru is heading your way. You heard what I told him?”
“Loud and clear.”
“Right. Keep in touch. If you find him, call me immediately. I’ll do the same.”
“Roger that.”
Akaashi hung up and looked at Kei’s mom. Akiteru had already taken off. “Mind if I take a few minutes?”
“No. I’ll go get us a cab.”
“Thank you.” He watched as she walked away, and then he turned to Tetsu’s room. It was his turn to say goodbye.
Chapter 6 - Six
“We found him,” Akaashi said as soon as Bokuto answered the phone.
“We’re on our way,” Bokuto replied, calling to Akiteru that they needed to go. “How is he?”
“I mean, considering everything right now, I’d say he was in real bad shape. But, we haven’t approached him yet.”
“Why not?”
“Call me cautious. I don’t want to take the chance that he’ll run off again.”
“Will you wait until we get there?”
“Hurry. But… be careful, okay?”
“We will. Love you, Keiji.”
“I love you, too, Koutaro.”
Akaashi hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. He looked down at Kei’s mom, who was keeping her eyes on her youngest son. She hadn’t said a word, and tears kept streaming down her face, but she’d heard him say that they needed to be careful approaching Kei, so she didn’t move.
They were close enough that they could get to Kei in a hurry, if needed. But Kei didn’t see them. They weren’t exactly hidden from his view, but in the state he was in, he wasn’t going to see anything. Akaashi’s heart broke looking at him. Kei was completely stone-faced, not even an echo of emotion could be seen. Tetsuro had told them once, soon after their reconciliation, that Kei tended to speak with his eyes more than with words. Akaashi had noticed it a few times himself.
But now, his eyes were empty, devoid of even the words he couldn’t say. His arms were wrapped tightly around his middle, as if he were trying to keep himself from flying apart. This wasn’t the Kei they had known since meeting him in Tokyo. This was just a shell. The moment Tetsu had passed away, it was as if Kei had died, as well, and what they were seeing was all that remained.
His phone vibrated, and he quickly took it out and answered.
“We’re here,” Bokuto said.
“Good. Take the main path. We’re not far from there. I’ll use my flashlight so you can find us. Don’t rush in. Be quiet.”
“Does he know you’re there?”
“No. I doubt he’s aware of anything right now.”
“Right. On our way.”
“See you when you get here.”
He hung up and tapped the screen to activate his flashlight. Turning it toward the main path, he set it to strobe. Within a few minutes, Bokuto and Akiteru found them and made their way over.
“What do we do?” Akiteru asked, clearly wanting to go to his little brother. “He needs us.”
“I agree, but he’s already proven a flight risk, and we can’t let him run away again. He might actually hurt himself,” Akaashi replied quietly.
“Would he really do that?” Bokuto asked, looking more worried than Akaashi had ever seen him. He reached out and held his boyfriend’s hand.
“He’s damn near catatonic with grief. I hate to say it, but I don’t trust him not to try and follow Tetsuro right now.”
Kei’s mom moaned, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. Akiteru wrapped her in his arms and held on.
Bokuto grabbed his arm and took him aside. “Are you okay? You’re the only one thinking clearly out of all of us right now.”
Akaashi inhaled deeply, and let it out in one shaky sigh. “No, I’m not. But someone has to be the one to do the thinking, and I can at least shut out my emotions enough to think rationally.” As he said that, a few of his own tears fell, but he quickly wiped them away. “I can’t let it hit me. Not yet. I’m sure once we have Kei back, everything will come down at once. I’ll need you then, Koutaro.”
“You have me whenever you need me.”
“Thanks.” He leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “Now, let’s come up with a plan in case Kei runs again.”
“Right.”
They turned back to Kei’s mom and brother, who were watching Kei intently. Akaashi focused on his friend, and thought of a plan. It wasn’t a very good one, but it was all he could come up with.
“Guys, we’ll need to split up and then slowly make our way to him. Each of us takes up a directional point: north, east, south, west. That way, at least one of us can tail him if he runs.”
“What do we do if he doesn’t run, but still fights us?”
“We may need to knock him out. Do you think you could do that?”
“If it comes down to it… yes. But mom…”
“I can’t. I’m not strong enough, and I can’t strike my baby boy.”
“Right. We’ll help you,” Bokuto told her. “We don’t want to do it, either, but if we absolutely had to…”
At that moment, they all heard the most heart-wrenching scream, and everyone turned to look at Kei. He was no longer stone-faced, and his eyes… His eyes were pools of pain and sadness. He screamed again; the sound of ultimate suffering. The sound of a broken heart. Then, it was as if everything was in slow motion. Kei doubled over, and then toppled to the ground.
“Kei!!” His mother ran first, and the three of them were right behind her. She hit the ground beside her son, and wrapped him up in her arms as much as she could. “It’s alright, baby. Mama’s here. Shhhh… I’ve got you.” She kept up a litany of quiet words in comforting tones. “Help me get him up,” she ordered no one in particular, but they all knelt down to help.
Once they got him sitting up, his mother wrapped her arms tightly around him, as did Akiteru. Bokuto and Akaashi hung back, but stayed ready, just in case. But what troubled them both was that, from those initial two screams, Kei had once again gone silent and stone-faced. It was as if he was some sort of pressure cooker, letting off the steam as it built up, too much for him to handle; but then he’d close right back up again, only for the process to begin again.
“What can we do for him?” Bokuto asked quietly. “We want to help, but…”
“He might associate us with Tetsu, and seeing us would…”
“It’s okay,” Kei’s mom interrupted firmly. “You’re not wrong, but he’ll need you to be there, even if he acts the exact opposite. He’ll snap and snipe at you; it’s his way of protecting himself. He’ll try his damnedest to push you away, but the minute he loses sight of you, or feels as if you were truly gone, he’ll seek you out.” She paused to gently kiss Kei’s head. “He did something similar when his father passed away, and then again with his grandparents.”
“So, what can we do for him?” Bokuto asked again. He truly wanted to help, but needed to be told what to do.
“We know he doesn’t want to go home right now, so we need to go somewhere… neutral,” Akaashi began thinking out loud. “Akiteru, what about your place?”
Kei’s brother shook his head. “They were over almost all the time while they were at University together. Some of Tetsuro’s things are there, too.”
In the end, Bokuto and Akaashi chose to upgrade their hotel room to a suite, and took Kei there. His mom brought over some clothes, his phone, and tablet. Someone was always with him, not only as support, but also as a guardian. Akaashi cringed at the thought, but they had to be vigilant.
Chapter 7 - Seven
The wake was held two days later. It was a small affair, with only those close to Kei and Tetsuro attending. Which was most of both their original teams from Nekoma and Karasuno. Kei was unable to attend, still too distraught to be in the same room as Tetsu’s body. Akiteru sat for him as a proxy, accepting condolences and thanking attendees for coming.
The cremation was held the next day. Akiteru remained as Kei’s proxy, and Bokuto went to help with the bone ceremony. They divided the ashes, and interred one urn at the Tsukishima family grave with a sotoba added to the rest. The other urn was given in trust to Bokuto to take back to Tokyo. They still hadn’t heard anything from Tetsuro’s dad or older sister, so it would remain in Bokuto’s and Akaashi’s keeping until a decision was made.
After a few days, they moved Kei into Akiteru’s place, and kept watch over him. They tried to engage him in conversation, which only worked sporadically. They made him eat, even when he argued that he wasn’t hungry. They gradually made him participate in doing something other than sitting and staring at nothing. And like his mom had told them, he would continually snap and snipe at them, sometimes using words to cut at them. He did his best to push them away, but they simply waited him out, and continued on as if he hadn’t lashed out at all.
When one of them left, within minutes, Kei would look for them, ask where they were, and become worried when they didn’t return when he thought they should. That last was the hardest to overcome, because they knew he was afraid the person who just left would never return. Like Tetsu. Trying to get him into a cab was… difficult, to say the least. Kei was convinced they were unsafe, and that they’d all die if they rode in one. Like Tetsu. Even if they did get him into one, they had to make sure the driver was super careful at every intersection.
It took some time, but eventually Kei began acting like his old self. Almost. Not as open as he was while Tetsu was alive, but he was talking, eating, living, and those close to him were relieved.
There were still a few things that he simply refused to do; he had yet to step foot through the door at home. He had yet to visit the family grave. He categorically refused to remove his engagement ring, and insisted on wearing Tetsu’s on a chain around his neck. And, he had stopped playing volleyball. How could he possibly think of playing? Tetsu had trained him to be the best middle blocker he could be while they were in school. Those memories stayed with him everytime he played. Later on, Tetsu had made it a point to support him by coming to games as much as his job allowed, or he called or texted when he couldn’t make it. Not seeing him there, reading his text, or hearing his voice was unthinkable.
With Kei healing, Akaashi and Bokuto finally left to go back home to Tokyo. They assured Kei that they would contact him the minute they got off the train, although Akaashi made a mental note to contact him at the halfway point, as well. They promised to keep in touch as often as possible.
Two years had passed before Kei felt strong enough to go home. Though, he wasn’t alone. Akaashi had come back for a visit, and with him was Tadashi, whom he’d reconnected with since Tetsu’s passing. Of course, his mom and brother were there, as they had always been, but this time, he needed the help of his best friends.
They stood outside of the house, Kei standing in front, and staring at the front door. He knew his mom and brother stood on the other side; he planned it this way. He wanted to be the one to enter the house, to open the door. This was something he needed to do. This was also why he’d brought his friends along, in case he needed a ‘push’ to get moving.
Taking a deep breath, he reached up to touch the ring he wore around his neck. This was so hard. All he had to do was open the door and go inside. That was all. That was the first hurdle. Why was this so hard?
“Kei?” Akaashi spoke softly.
“I’m f-fine. It’s just…”
“We can always change the plans, Kei,” Tadashi said. Kei smiled a little. It had taken forever before Tadashi was comfortable enough to use his first name, calling him ‘Tsuki’ out of habit since they’d met.
Kei took a deep breath and let it out, wiping away the tears that had fallen. “No. I’m going to do this. I have to. It’s just, it’s harder than I expected, even after all this time.”
Turning back, he faced the door again. It was almost within reach, he just needed a few more steps forward. Bolstered by his friends, Kei took those steps and laid a shaky hand on the door. He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here. The internal chant echoed through his mind. Tetsu wasn’t here; he knew that. He'd always known that. Still…
With what felt like Herculean effort, he pushed open the door. Inside, the first person he saw was his mom, standing there with her hands folded up in front of her face, looking at him with worried eyes and a shaky smile.
“Welcome home, lil bro,” he heard Akiteru say. He was leaning against the wall near the kitchen. “About time you got here.”
“Yeah, well, I was busy,” Kei replied sarcastically as he slowly crossed the threshold into the house. He went up to his mom. “I’m home,” was all he said, and the next thing he knew, she was holding him tight.
“Welcome home, son,” she said softly. They stayed that way for a few more minutes, and then she pushed back and smiled. “I made some rice balls for you and your friends. Dinner is going to be sukiyaki.”
“Thanks, mom,” he said. He looked back at Akaashi and Tadashi, who had come in quietly behind him.
“You did it, Kei,” Akaashi said as he took his shoes off and put on a pair of slippers. “The first hurdle has been crossed.”
“Now, for the rest of them,” Kei replied. “Should be easier. I hope.”
“There’s no rush,” Akiteru said sternly, but he was grinning. “Take your time. If you can’t get through your plans today, we have tomorrow, or the next day… etcetera, etcetera.”
Kei snorted. “Right. You just want me out of your place.”
There was a split second where no one said anything. Had he spoken too sharply? That was something else he’d been working on; not sniping at anyone. “Ni-san, I’m…”
“It’s fine,’ his brother assured him, waving off the apology. “I know you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I know you’re trying.”
“Do you want to look around, first?” Mom asked after he’d finished putting on his own slippers.
“Has anything really changed?” There was another brief pause. A few tears slipped down his face. “Damnit, I’m sorry.” He finally realized he was sniping to protect himself again. “Please forgive me, mom.”
She just smiled, and cradled his face in her hands. “There’s nothing to forgive, Kei. I know what you’re doing. We all do. This is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve set for yourself to do, and we’re here to help you. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Answering your question, not really. I’ve moved the furniture around, just for something different. It’s still the same home you’ve always known. But…”
“But…?”
She fidgeted a little. “I aired out your room, and the guest room. I cleaned up a bit. I couldn’t leave it as you left it. I wanted to make it easier for you when you finally came home.”
“Thank you. I’m not sure I could’ve handled it if it still looked like he’d only just left…” his voice trailed away. “Do you mind if I go there first?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He looked back at Akaashi and Tadashi. “Do you mind coming with me?”
“Not at all,” Akaashi said, stepping up behind Tadashi. “Lead the way.”
Chapter 8 - Eight
He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here…
“Are you okay?” Tadashi asked gently.
“No.”
“We can try again later,” Akaashi said firmly, almost reverting back to his commanding tone when it came to making Kei do something.
“No.”
He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here.
“But he’s supposed to be here…” he whispered. Great. More tears. But this time, he let them fall. Slowly, he reached out and grasped the doorknob… and stopped again.
“We’ve been out here for ten minutes, Kei.”
“Akaashi!” Tadashi sounded offended.
“It’s fine,” Kei said quietly. “I know he’s doing it on purpose.”
“Sometimes, it works, too,” Akaashi chuckled. “Tetsu had a bad habit of being stubborn. You’re worse, though.”
“I am not!”
“You gonna open the door, then?”
“Well, not now that you’ve said it. We’ll just stand here until we die.”
“I’d rather not, thank you very much.”
They both smiled at each other, and Kei turned back to his door. Turning the doorknob, he slowly opened the door.
He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here.
But that didn’t stop the memories from assailing him. This room had been their world from the moment Tetsu moved in until the day he left, never to return. Tetsu’s laptop and phone were still on the desk, closed, but undisturbed. His clothes had been picked up off the floor and folded, placed at the end of the bed, which had been neatly made. Everything was clean and tidy, and one of the windows had been cracked open to let in fresh air. Undoubtedly, Mom had done it so that this moment would be easier, but a small part of him had wanted to see the mess it once was. Neither of them were neat freaks, but it hadn’t been a disaster.
He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here.
“But he’s supposed to be here…” Kei whispered again.
He moved into the room a step at a time, eventually ending up at the desk. He reached out and ran his fingertips lightly across the top of the red metallic laptop, and then picked up the phone. He pushed the power button, purely out of habit, and the phone lit up. It never occurred to him that his mom would also keep the phone charged, but she did. And then he focused on the lockscreen, nearly dropping the phone. The picture was of him, smiling and happy, holding up his hand and showing off his engagement ring. He swiped to unlock the phone, and the homescreen was a different photo. Both of them together, Tetsu had his left arm around him, with his hand over his heart, lightly grasping the shirt in his hand. Kei had reached up to hold his wrist. Both engagement rings were there, and you could see, and feel, the love they had for each other.
“Oh, god… Tetsu…” A fresh wave of tears started falling.
His hand loosened, and the phone almost fell, if Akaashi hadn’t caught it in time. He put it on the desk without looking at it, his attention full on Kei.
“Kei? Talk to me, Kei,” Akaashi commanded quietly. He reached out to steady his friend as he began swaying. Deftly, he turned Kei so that he’d fall to the bed once his knees gave out. “Tadashi, go get his mom, please,” he ordered quietly.
“Is he going to be alright?” he asked, but then quickly added, “Sorry. Stupid question.”
“No, it’s fine. And he will be okay. Eventually. I can explain later, just go get her.”
“Yeah, okay.”
But no sooner had Tadashi cleared the door, then Kei’s mom came hurrying in. She wrapped her arms around him just as soon as he sat down hard on the bed. “It’s okay, baby. Mama’s here. Shhhh… I’ve got you.” She gently rocked him, her hand cradling the back of Kei’s head as he cried. Akaashi picked up Tetsu’s phone, excused himself, and closed the door behind him, facing the two in the hallway.
“Finally,” Akiteru said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I was almost convinced it wasn’t going to happen at all.” He looked at Akaashi. “What triggered it?” Akaashi handed the phone over to Akiteru, who didn’t say a word after seeing the pictures on the phone.
“Wait. What are you talking about?” Tadashi was understandably confused.
“Not once has Kei really cried in the two years since Tetsu died,” Akaashi explained. “There might have been tears, like you saw when we first got here. But, he is a master at shoring up his defences, so those few tears were all that anyone saw.” He reached over and took the phone from Kei’s brother, who excused himself and went back to the kitchen, and then he passed the phone to Tadashi.
“And seeing these photos was what finally… broke him. For lack of better words,” Tadashi said quietly, after viewing the pictures. “I can’t remember ever seeing Tsuki, or Kuroo, as happy as they were that night. I’m glad someone took pictures of it.”
“I made a video for them, and sent it to Tetsu a few days before…” his voice broke, and he wiped away a stray tear. “It might be on the phone, and his laptop. I don’t know if he even had the chance to show Kei…”
Just as he said that, he heard laughter and playful banter coming from the room. Glancing at Tadashi, he opened the door, and found Kei and his mom watching the video in question.
Kei had a pillow in his arms, and he was completely absorbed in the video. His mom pointed at the screen every so often, quietly asking questions that Akaashi had no doubt she knew the answers to, but asked anyway to keep Kei engaged. Slowly, he made his way to the bed, and sat down next to Kei. Kei’s mom moved so that Tadashi could have her place, and she set the laptop on the desk so everyone could watch the video.
“Dinner will be ready when you are,” she said softly, ruffling her hand through Kei’s hair before she turned and left.
They sat there, watching the video and remembering the engagement party as if it had only just happened. And through it all, Akaashi noticed something he hadn’t before. In nearly every photo, every moment of video, Tetsu and Kei were never apart. In fact, a majority of the time, they were holding hands.
“It was always like that,” Kei said softly, reading the realization on Akaashi’s face. “Since the day we met, and then after we ‘met’ again, up until he passed away. We never even thought about it. It just was something we naturally did. It was as if we were each other’s lodestone.”
“Lodestone,” Tadashi repeated. “I always just thought it was because you loved each other so much.”
“Well, that was part of it too,” Kei replied. “I don’t think I can really explain how it worked. Life had a way of pulling us apart; moving away, school, work. Normal things that no one ever thinks about. But, for us, it was something visceral. Like something was missing. No… it was more like we were incomplete. Once we were together, everything was normal again… for us. We were whole again.”
The video came to the end, and Kei reached over to start it again. And with everything Kei had told them in mind, the video became that much more poignant, that much more special.
“Thank you for making this, Akaashi,” Kei said quietly, about halfway through. He leaned over and rested his head on Akaashi’s shoulder. “Thank you for being there for me. Bokuto, too.”
Chapter 9 - Nine
“Thanks for coming with me,” Kei said to Tadashi as they walked along the path. The day was overcast, and there was a brisk breeze blowing. Rain was due to fall later, according to the latest forecast. “Sorry to take you away from Hitoka and the kids.”
“It’s okay,” his friend replied, waving away the apology. “She knows the situation, and it’s not like we haven’t split up before taking care of the kids.”
Kei smiled gently, but remained silent, looking at the written directions Akaashi had given him. Well, it looked like Bokuto had written them, to be honest, but Akaashi had added clearer instructions. Either way, he was able to reach his destination without too much effort. He put the paper back in his pocket and stood there, staring at the ground, unable to look up.
“Kei, are you alright?” Tadashi asked after a long silence. He stood off to the side, but not too far, to give Kei his space. He held the flowers they’d bought before coming here, ready to hand them over when Kei was ready for them. As if he would ever be ready for them.
“No, I’m not,” Kei eventually answered. “I don’t think I’ll ever be alright. Not completely, anyway.”
He took a deep breath, let it out, and then slowly looked up. The first thing he saw was Tetsu’s sotoba, rising from behind the family gravemarker. It was… less aged than the rest, still looking new compared to the others. And maybe it was, considering it was only two years old rather than over a decade. His gaze blurred, and he blinked rapidly to clear the forming tears. This was yet another goal he’d set for himself, and he meant to complete it.
Kei let his eyes drift over the gravesite. It was in pristine condition; the attendants must have been by earlier. It also looked like someone had visited before they arrived; there was another bouquet of flowers, lilies, and an offering of food.
“Why didn’t I think of that?” he asked softly.
“Think of what?”
“Bringing food for him. Tetsu would always tease me about my habit of making him eat first before we did anything, but he would always eat whatever I put in front of him and tell me it was his favorite thing to eat.”
Tadashi chuckled. “You did that while we were growing up, too.”
“Yeah, well, I liked to cook and no one told me to stop, so…” Kei shrugged. “Either way, maybe it was a good thing I didn’t bring anything. I wouldn’t have known what to make.”
“Did he have a favorite dessert?”
“Strawberry shortcake,” Kei answered almost immediately.
“But… I thought that was your favorite.”
“It is. He loved it because I loved it. Told me I looked so happy when I was eating the strawberries and whipped cream before the cake. He always brought some home after a work trip. I can’t remember if he was bringing any home that night…” his voice faded into silence.
“Do you remember anything about it?” Tadashi asked gently.
Kei shook his head, knowing he wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. Out of all the people who were at the hospital that night, he was the only one who couldn’t remember anything after Tetsu’s passing. It was as if all of those memories were erased, or locked away so tightly that he couldn’t access them. But then, it wasn’t as if he actually tried to remember. The only way he knew anything was because Bokuto and Akaashi would tell him. Or his mom and Akiteru. His own memories were, put simply, a black hole.
“Kei?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me about Kuroo.”
He turned to look at his friend. It was obvious that he wanted to keep Kei talking, but his face was full of sympathy, as if he knew it was impolite to ask. Tadashi was not Akaashi, and in many ways, Akaashi knew him better. If Kei had to guess when he and Tadashi started growing apart, it was probably around the same time that Tetsu had come back into his life. And with Tetsu came Bokuto and Akaashi. Since the Shinzen summer camp, they’d formed a friendship that stayed strong throughout the years. Tadashi and he had remained friends, but it wasn’t the same. Still, he knew what Tadashi was trying to do. He smiled gently and reached out for the bouquet of flowers he’d bought.
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, let’s start with those flowers,” Tadashi suggested, gesturing at the bouquet Kei held. “Were they his favorite?”
Kei chuckled. “If you had ever asked him if he had a favorite flower, he’d have looked like you just heinously offended him. But, he was partial to camellias. Especially the ones that looked like peonies.” He placed the bouquet of red (love), pink (longing), and white (adoration) debutante camellias next to the lilies that were there. He didn’t fail to notice that his flowers were directly under Tetsu’s sotoba.
Once the flowers were settled nicely, Kei took a step back. “I’m sorry it took me so long to visit, Tetsu,” he said, as if his fiance were standing there, listening to him. “I convinced myself that you weren’t here, and I know you’re not, but still…” He bit his lip as the tears started falling. “For once, I’m the babbling idiot,” he muttered, chuckling a little at the old, remembered joke. “I still can’t believe you’re gone. I keep looking for you, wanting to talk to you, missing you by my side. I am incomplete; my puzzle is missing a piece that I’ll never find again. I hate being alone, but even more I hate that you’re not with me.” He took a deep, shaky breath and exhaled slowly. “There are still nights when I’ll be caught between sleep and awake, hear a noise, and think it’s you finally coming home after a long work trip. I’ll be halfway to the door before I realize it isn’t you. It doesn’t matter that, until recently, I haven’t even lived at home, or slept in our room. Wherever I am, I go to the door to meet you. Isn’t that stupid, Tetsu? God, I miss you so much it hurts.”
Right at that moment, a warm breeze blew, flowing around Kei, making it feel as if Tetsu were right behind him, wrapping his arms around him. As if he were still with him in spirit.
By now, he must’ve looked a mess. His eyes hurt, his nose was stuffed up, and he was sure his face was all splotchy and red. He was going to pay for this with a massive headache later.
Kei turned to look at Tadashi, to apologize for rambling on so much, but he never got the words out of his mouth. His friend was crying as well, but hadn’t so much as made a sound. When Tadashi noticed him looking, he hastily wiped his tears, reached into the shoulder bag he’d brought with him, and brought out two handkerchiefs. With a watery smile, he handed one to Kei.
“Thank you,” he said, using it to wipe his face, though the effort was futile. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Tadashi sniffled. “I doubt anyone could have stayed dry-eyed after hearing that.”
“It just came out. I didn’t plan on saying anything, really.”
“You needed to say it,” his friend said sternly. Or at least as sternly as he could, given the circumstances. “If you need to talk more, I’ll be willing to listen, if you want me to,” Tadashi offered. “But, I also think you might want to write it all down, starting with what you just said.”
“Write it down? You mean keep a journal?”
“Yeah, keep a journal. Even if it’s just a little bit each day, or whenever the mood strikes to write. Maybe it will help you heal.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Kei replied thoughtfully, an idea forming in his mind. Before he could say anything else, he heard a distant rumble. “Come on. Let’s go before it rains.” They walked in silence for a little while. “So what else did you want to know about Tetsu?”
Tadashi smiled and began to ask questions, and Kei slowly, but surely, answered them.
Chapter 10 - Ten
It took another several months before Kei was able to move back home. Even so, there were a few changes made in order for him to do so.
They made the guest bedroom into his room. It was in a part of the house that didn’t get too much sunlight, but the shade trees made it so that he could keep the curtains and windows open, which he liked. The room was a little smaller, too, but he didn’t really need that much space… anymore. The desk was really the only piece of furniture he kept; the guest room already had a futon bed that could be converted to a sofa and back again. Everything that was in the guest room was moved into their bedroom; maybe one day he’d be able to go through Tetsu’s things, but not yet.
There were a few things of Tetsu’s that he kept with him. Most of it was clothing (they were roughly the same size), but he’d also kept the laptop and phone, as well as his pillow and favorite blanket. Along the windowsill, he’d placed a line of toy dinosaurs, a few of which Tetsu had given him. Well, they were more dragons than dinosaurs, but it didn’t matter.
He’d done as Tadashi had suggested and started a journal. The only difference was that it was a private Facebook page, entitled KuroTsuki, and only a few people were able to see it. And really, a few meant everyone they knew from their high school volleyball teams. He started with what he’d told Tadashi at the family gravesite, and then posted memories, pictures, and little stories. At first people just left reactions, but then they also started leaving little comments. Eventually, the page became more of a memorial than a journal, and it made Kei happy to see everyone’s memories and stories of Tetsu.
The week before Tetsu’s birthday, he showed up at the Sendai City Gym, wearing Tetsu’s Nekoma jacket. The Frogs were practicing, and he watched them play for a little bit as he changed into his volleyball shoes. It had been almost three years since he last played. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be too rusty. When the current set was finished, he walked over to the sidelines and quietly joined the team.
“Have room for another middle blocker?” he asked Kyotani. Mad Dog nearly jumped off the bench with surprise, but smirked as he calmed down.
“Nope! We’ve got all the middle blockers we need,” he said sarcastically. Which was pretty much what Kei expected of him.
“Lies!” another familiar voice shouted from across the court. “We held your spot for you, Tsuki!”
“How the hell did you hear me from way over there?!” Kyotani hollered.
“I didn’t!” Koganegawa shouted back. “I merely guessed what you were going to say! Was I right?”
“Close enough,” Kei yelled over Kyotani. Mad Dog glared at him, and then his face relaxed into something resembling friendly concern.
“You sure you want to come back? Are you ready?”
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Kei replied kindly. “Thanks for asking.”
“Just so you know, we’ll sub you out if you screw up.”
“Says the man who can barely keep the ball in the court fifty percent of the time,” Kei snapped back.
“Nice burn, Tsuki!” Koganegawa said as he jogged over to them. “Welcome back!”
“Thanks, Koge.”
With that, they waited while Kei stretched, and then he jogged out onto the court, and he started playing. It was rough. He knew it would be. But he kept it together long enough to play a full set, and then another. Afterwards, he said goodbye to everyone. They had a game coming up, and they wanted him back, but he didn’t want to make any promises. He agreed to another practice in a few days, and they accepted that much.
Once he was home, he changed into his sleep wear, sat down on the futon, and wiped away the tears. Several times during practice, he could’ve sworn he’d seen Tetsu in his peripheral vision. A slight glance in that direction proved he wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t! There was also a moment when he heard Tetsu’s voice, cheering for him, yelling that he was the best damn middle blocker ever. He nearly called it quits right then and there, but he buckled down and concentrated on his blocking, tuning out nearly everything else. Maybe he wasn’t ready, after all.
Rising from the futon, he went to the desk and opened the laptop. The background picture was the one they took the day Tetsu left Tokyo to move to Miyagi. It was the four of them: Bokuto, Akaashi, Tetsu, and himself. They were all smiling, arms around each other’s shoulders, and laughing at whatever joke Tetsu had told them. It was really the last picture they’d taken of the four of them together.
Clicking on the internet icon, he brought up the memorial page, and wrote about going back to practice. Naturally, Akaashi and Bokuto replied first, congratulating him on his achievement, and offering support in the form of coming to the Frogs’ next game. Offline, they texted him in their group chat, and made extra certain that he was okay playing volleyball again.
He was about to close the laptop for the night, when a random pop up notification appeared. None had appeared before, but then, looking at the time, it seemed this message was set to pop up every night around 2am. Usually he was offline and on his tablet in bed by 2am, and likely even asleep. But tonight, he stayed up longer than usual, chatting with Bokuto and Akaashi.
[Add notes and letters to the box. Write in journal. Call Kei in the morning.]
“Box? Journal? What does that mean?” he asked himself. As far as he could recall, there hadn’t been anything in Tetsu’s belongings that looked like a letter box or a journal. But then again, he really hadn’t been looking for anything of that nature in the first place.
“Well, guess I’m not going to sleep until I find this box and journal,” he muttered, getting up from the desk and going to the closet.
There really wasn’t much of Tetsu’s things in the closet. It was mostly a mix of their clothes and shoes, gym bags, and extra pillows and blankets for when company stayed over. His eyes caught sight of Tetsu’s backpack and suitcase, but he disregarded them automatically. They had been with him when he died, and Kei hadn’t looked in them since they’d been given to him.
However, after a cursory search through the guest room, he returned to his bedroom empty handed. Sitting down at the desk, he searched through the drawers. In the very back of one of the bottom drawers, he found an old, beat up, journal, and put it on top of the laptop keyboard. Just looking at it, he knew it had to be at least a decade old. He could just make out the faded shape of a cat and a crescent moon on the front cover. Still, he had a feeling this wasn’t exactly what he was looking for, and now he had to look in the one place he didn’t want to look.
Back inside the closet, he pulled out the backpack and suitcase, laying them out in front of the futon on the floor. Slowly, he sat down in front of them and stared hard. He had no doubt that the box and journal he was looking for was likely tucked into the suitcase, but he couldn’t bring himself to open it. Not yet. That said, if he wanted to find out why Tetsu had that reminder on his laptop, he needed to open the suitcase.
With shaking fingers, he unlatched the suitcase and pushed up. Inside were the clothes Tetsu had taken with him, thrown in there like he’d been in a hurry. In one corner, Kei found part of what he was looking for: the box. It was made of teakwood, and wasn’t very big, but it was latched closed. Little corners of paper stuck out from the seams. The journal he found tucked in the laptop pocket of the backpack. This one was only slightly newer than the one on the desk, but it was in much better shape, and the picture on the front was clearer: a little black cat and a crescent moon, connected by a swirly little trail of stars.
Opening the box, he saw little scraps of paper amongst larger envelopes. The scraps had lyrics written on them, and Kei recognized several of their favorite songs. Another piece of paper had the names of the songs written down, and at the top, ‘Playlist’ was in bold lettering. The envelope on top had his name on it, and the date. It was the last one Tetsu had written. Quickly, he closed the box and set it aside. He wasn’t going to read anything else in that box. Not now. That left the two journals. But instead of opening them, he reached for his phone.
Chapter 11 - Eleven
[When are you guys coming back?]
He waited patiently until he received a reply.
[Planned on coming up for your game.]
[WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU OKAY?]
[Yes. Well, no. Maybe? I don’t know.]
[That covers all acceptable responses]
[Smartass]
[I live but to serve]
[WHICH ONE?]
[Pardon?]
[WHICH ONE? YES, NO, MAYBE?]
[Borderline NO. I found some things of Tetsu’s]
[WHAT THINGS?]
[A box of letters, and two journals]
Kei waited for a reply via text, but instead his phone rang.
“I take it you finally found them,” Akaashi said in a sleepy, but concerned voice.
“You knew about them?”
“Yeah. Listen, could you add Koutaro to the call?”
“Sure, hang on.” Kei quickly put Akaashi on hold and called Bokuto. When he answered, he took Akaashi off hold and continued the conversation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, for starters, it was supposed to be a surprise,” Bokuto explained. “On one of his trips down here, he stayed with us. We found him one night, writing one of his letters and then writing in the journal.”
“A surprise?” he asked quietly. Almost guessing where this was going to go.
“Sounds like you figured it out,” Akaashi said.
“It was going to be a gift, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Akaashi answered. “He wrote a letter each day he was away from you. He told us they weren’t really much, just little stories of what happened, his experiences, and who he saw. He wanted to give everything to you for a wedding gift.”
Kei let out a sob, but managed to keep it together.
“Did he tell you about the journals?”
“The older one he started just after he met you when you were kids,” Bokuto replied quietly. “The second one he started after you met the second time.”
No one said anything for a few minutes.
“We’ll be on the first train up in the morning, okay?”
“Yeah. Please?”
“Right. Keiji, you get the tickets and time we’ll arrive. Kei, you meet us at the station. Can you do that?”
“Sure.” Kei paused for a minute, and then, “since when do you give the orders like that? I thought that was Keiji’s job.”
“Rude, much?”
“Is it, though?”
“He has a point.”
“KEIJI!!”
“Anyway, while you were bickering, I purchased our tickets. Train leaves at 0530, and we arrive at Sendai station at 0830-0900.”
“Got it. I’ll be there.”
“See you then.”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” they both said in unison. Kei chuckled with them and hung up the phone.
Looking at the time, it was nearly 4am. He should try to get a little sleep, but he knew it’d be impossible now. Taking the box of letters in his hands, he stood up and put it on the desk beside the laptop. He picked up the beat up journal, and then retrieved the other one from the floor. Stepping over the suitcase, he sat down on his futon and put them in his lap. Just to be on the safe side, he set his alarm for 7am, put it on the charger, and then put his wallet by the phone. He already had a train pass, so all he had to do was get to Sendai station on time.
Now that everything was taken care of, all he had to do was wait. And because he had the two journals in his hands, he at least had something to read. If he could only bring himself to open them. Yet, all he could do was stare at the covers. A little black cat. Well, obviously, that was Tetsu. Knowing he’d gone to Nekoma, and cats were associated with their school, a black cat representing Tetsu was not surprising. Although, he didn’t quite know why he’d picked it out for his first journal. The crescent moon was also obvious; it was meant to be Kei. The little trail of stars was their connection.
Ready or not, he opened the first journal. In it, he found an old picture of the two of them. Both were smiling and holding up a volleyball together. They were so young! Putting it aside, he started reading the childish scrawl, and smiled. The first entry was the day they’d met, and every entry after was always something about what the two of them had done that particular day. Each entry was more exciting than the one before; that was so typical of Tetsu when he was younger. It was no wonder that Kei had fallen in love with the dark-haired little boy who practically ran over him so long ago.
Soon, the entries came to a stop, and the rest of the journal was blank. The last entry was a few years after he’d moved to Tokyo. It mentioned his friendship with Kenma, his parents’ divorce, but not much else.
Putting that journal down, he slowly opened the next one. The first few entries went from excited to almost depressed:
‘Oh my god, I found you, Kei! I didn’t know you were at Karasuno! I found you, again!’
‘You hate me. It hurts, but I don’t blame you. I’m so, so sorry.’
A lot of what he’d written very nearly matched up with what Kei remembered, hammering home the fact that they were always meant to be together.
There were a few empty pages, labeled with dates, as if he’d meant to write something. Tetsu never went back to fill in those pages. Instead, he started back up after, but what he’d started writing had a different tone. One of loving remembrance. It was a lot like reading Tetsu’s memories. Kei’s vision blurred as he read the first line:
Do you remember the day we met, Kei? I do. Like it was yesterday.
~*~*~ Fin ~*~*~
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