Story Downloaded from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net)

Title: The Summer Fair (#802)
Author: bratprincess
Chapters: 1

Archive: Tolkien
Category: Lord of the Rings
Description: The first and last Summer Fair in Gondor, with 'Elrond's Mystic Parlour' and 'Dunk the Rohirrim'...Oh my...!
Published: 11 Apr 2004
Updated: 11 Apr 2004
Warnings:
Type: Humour
Characters: Elrond; Faramir; Boromir; Legolas; Aragorn


Chapter 1 - Chapter 1

Dis: doesn't belong to me, no harm intended, no money being made, is Tolkien's a/n another challenge from mc-challenge yahoo!group.

challenge was:

1. Any genre
2. Must include Aragorn, Legolas, Elrond and (just for the heck of it) Boromir. ALL of these characters please.
3. You may include any other characters you desire, as secondary characters, but the story MUST be about those four.
4. NO OC's, Self-insert or MS's PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
5. Please include the ALL of the following lines:
a. You look as though you sat on a mouse!
b. Why can't you just make lemonaide like a normal person?
c. Sing and dance, why don't you? Not enough people are looking!
d. Go play with your pet cat! Go on! Go!



'The Summer Fair' by bratprincess


Aragorn quietly surveyed the field. The preparations for the event had taken many weeks to complete, he hoped it went well. There was a stage set up, several tents and stools including 'Dunk the Rohirrim,' 'Hit the Orc' and a mystic tent called 'Elrond's Magic Parlour' (Galadriel had been asked but had declined, feigning illness, some people). There were events set up throughout the day and everyone was welcome. There was however one problem, none of them could remember why they had decided to have this fair. Legolas said it was to celebrate the Dark Lord being destroyed, but they had had one for that already. Elrond insisted it was to celebrate some obscure Elvish festival, but it was in Gondor and why would people have agreed to that? There were many more suggestions, personally, Aragorn thought they had just got drunk and decided that a fair was the best thing in the world they could do.

So they had decided to call it the 'Summer Fair,' although both Legolas and Elrond had insisted that it was much closer to Autumn than to Summer, but 'Autumn Fair' looked silly on the banners and well, who ever heard of an Autumn Fair? (Even though Legolas had, again, /insisted/ that they held one every year in Mirkw...Eryn Lasgalen).

Aragorn was startled out of his thoughts by a boy running into him, he seemed frantic. "What's wrong?"

"The Hobbits are here! The Hobbits are here! And they've gone straight for the food stalls, ma sent me to go and get some help!"

Aragorn laughed, 'well, I supposed the day has truly begun' he thought.

***

Legolas looked around, a few more touches and his concoction would be complete. He reached over to grab a bottle, huh, out of wine. 'No matter' said Legolas to himself, to himself he said, 'I'll just go and get more, and I need some more herbs and fruits as well.' And off he scurried.

***

Elrond fixed his shawl for about the thirtieth time. Mutter under his breath, "stupid Galadriel...had to play ill...couldn't be at butt-end of jokes for a day...no...had to make Elrond look stupid...just because she couldn't bring her stupid mirror..." His voice and thoughts trailed off as he saw a silhouette against the side of the tent.
No, wait, it wasn't a silhouette, it was all the stupid incense making the person all smoky, they were in the tent!

"Who is it?" He asked impatiently.

"It's me," the person replied.

"And who are you?"

"That depends, who are you?"

"Oh stop being so stupid, I know you can see me perfectly and besides! The tent has my name painted onto the side!"

"Oh, yeah, it's me, Faramir."

"Faramir?"

"Yeah, Boromir's little brother."

"I know who you are you imbecile! But what are you doing here?"

"Oh! I was just wondering if you could maybe do me a...er...favour?"

Elrond grew suspicious, "what kind of favour?" He had already put up with a group of hobbits and about 20 people from Minas Tirith after fortunes and trivial things. So far today he had not been very successful. When a woman had asked about the location of her son Elrond had readily replied that he was in a tavern in the city. She had promptly fainted, of course it wasn't until later that he had realised that her son was dead and she wanted to know where he rested. He had finally given up giving people proper fortunes, they seemed to be happy with, 'your harvest will be good this year' or 'you will soon come into some money.' Of course he wouldn't be around for them to complain to.

A cough from Faramir drew Elrond out of his thoughts. "Oh, you're still here. What did you want?"

"I was wondering if you could help me contact my brother?"

"Why do you want to contact my brother?"

"No, not /your/ brother, /my/ brother, Boromir."

"Oh, no, sorry, can't do that...not for elves to know what happens to men...only for Eru...blah blah blah." Elrond dismissed him quickly.

"Surely you can, great Elf-Lord. You are the revered Lord Elrond of Imladris, Herald of Gil-galad..." Faramir tried to think of more titles, unfortunately he drew a blank, ending with, "all round nice guy!"

Flattery is something that you would think Elrond would see right through, alas, it was not a good day. With low self-esteem, flattery buttered Lord Elrond right up. "Ok, we can try, but I've never done this before." Elrond warned.

***

The hobbits were officially under control (so to speak) the truth be told there was no food left that the hobbits liked. Aragorn looked at the desecrated food stalls, at least there was something left. The only down side was that it seemed to be the food prepared by Legolas and Gandalf, well, at least the hobbits had some sense of self preservation. There was a certain drink, however, that seemed to be a big hit by everyone, this could be because it was the only beverage left. It was a concoction made by Legolas from a 'secret-elves-of-mirkwood' recipe. Aragorn didn't think he would touch it because he had serious doubts about it. The only good thing was people were enjoying it and there was more than enough to go around, good Lord!

How much had Legolas used to make that stuff?

Something, again, nudged at Aragorn's hip, he looked down it was a hobbit and a drunk one at that. 'Great, just what I need.'

"Good day, Mr. Strider, what brings you to the Shire?" Aragorn looked down at the hobbit, it was Pippin.

"Shire? Pippin, this is Gondor and I'm King of it."

"No it isn't, look," he pointed to a random tree, "it's the party tree and there's old Bilbo."

"Pippin, that's not the party tree, remember what happened to that?"

"No."

"Well it doesn't matter, because this is Gondor."

"No it isn't, this is the Shire and where's Gondor?"

"Gondor's in the South of Middl-" Aragorn cut himself off, this was pointless, another tactic was called for, "look Pippin, there's Merry!" Aragorn pointed and as Pippin turned to look he fled.

***

Faramir looked at Elrond, who looked at Faramir, who looked at...I think you get the picture. Both man and elf were looking at each other expectantly. Finally Elrond spoke up, "I told you this wouldn't work."

"B-but it has to, because you're all special and so was he..."

Faramir looked like he was on the verge of tears. He had been waiting for a chance to asked Elrond about contacting Boromir all day.

Elrond looked over at the full-grown man about to cry, "Ok, look, I'll give it one more go!"

"Elrond lent over the ball and muttered a few words...then a few more...followed by a few more. Eventually as both were despairing a strong wind started to blow through the tent, candles went out and the tent collapsed. The two were plunged into complete darkness.

Elrond staggered to his feet, still covered by the tent, he tried to make his way to the sides when he tripped over something hard and squidgy lying on the floor. As his foot hit it an 'ompf' noise was heard, followed by a groan. "Faramir, you idiot, you should have stood up by now!" Elrond said to the lump.

Suddenly a lump next to Elrond rose and said, "pardon? what did you say?"

Elrond jumped. He pulled back the tent and looked at the person standing beside him, yes, it was Faramir. He pulled the tent back a bit more and looked at the lump on the floor. Dear Eru! It was Boromir! Crap!

Faramir's eyes widened with shock and he shouted, "BOROMIR!!!"

***

Aragorn looked from where he was sitting at the table, suddenly a noise smashed into his ears...Boromir... He quickly looked around, maybe he had imagined it. As he looked around he noticed that Legolas and some other people were looking up as well. He went to ask the empty seat next to him if she'd heard it, then he remembered Arwen was 'visiting' her grandmother. Cheap excuse to get out of his Summer Fair if you asked him.

Gimli whispered over to Aragorn, well as much as a dwarf could whisper, "did you hear that?"

Aragorn nodded and several members of the table swiftly rose and raced to the direction the noise had come from.

***

Elrond smacked Faramir in the head as he tried to cover the prone form of Boromir with the tent, "Sing and dance, why don't you? Not enough people are looking!" Elrond again surveyed the people gathering around the pile of cloth and lumps that had been 'Elrond's Mystic Parlour'. As Elrond thought it could not get any worse, Aragorn followed by a group of Elves, Dwarves, Humans and Hobbits arrived.

"What the hell is happening?!" Aragorn asked.

"Nothing, nothing" Elrond replied rashly.

Gimli was quick to say, "we heard someone shout Boromir's name."

'Argh!' Elrond thought, he knew that shout was loud but he hadn't realised it was loud enough to gather this many people to them.

Elrond looked at the faces around him, they were watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer. "It was just Faramir, he became, er, convinced that he saw Boromir's ghost, he got scared-"

"No I didn't!" Faramir protested.

"Ok, he knocked his chair back and, he, er, knocked the tent down. He was so shocked and was convinced that Boromir was there he shouted it out." Elrond nodded his head, pleased with his lie.

Aragorn eyed him suspiciously, he didn't trust a word of what the Elf- lord was saying but he supposed it would have to do...for now. "If you're quite sure," he turned to the crowd, "come on people, nothing to see!"

Gimli looked down at the mess, "do you need any help here, cleaning up?"

The way both Elrond and Faramir jumped and shouted "No!" Simultaneously didn't ease the feeling in Aragorn that something was going on.

*

Once the crowd cleared, Faramir looked at Elrond, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know!" Elrond hissed back, "and lower your voice, looked what happened last time you spoke so loud!"

Faramir winced, "the probably would have come over anyway!" A bell tolled. "That's the bell for the feasting to begin! What are we going to do?!"

Elrond was thinking, finally the solution hit him like it would Boromir in a few moments. Faramir saw Elrond's eyes light up, quite evilly.

"What is it? What's your idea?"

*

Faramir shook his head in disbelief, they couldn't do that to Boromir! It would be so cruel! They were brothers and he had just returned from the dead! Elrond and Faramir sat over Boromir, he had regained consciousness a few moments ago, the initial shock hadn't actually been too much, he had assured them after dying, nothing much shocked you as much as that...waking up dead. (I know, I know, Faramir thought that was impossible as well...). Yet now, sitting, listening to Boromir go on about how he had found the most adorable cat and all the people he had met, Faramir was warming to Elrond's plan.

Faramir looked over to Elrond, he quickly nodded his head and punched his brother. It should have been enough to knock him out, but it didn't. Typical Boromir. Elrond looked perplexed, but not nearly as much as Boromir. Boromir shook his head and continued with what he had been saying, "she's the loveliest cat you'll ever see! She's all black with a few speckles of ginger and white..."

Elrond groaned and hit Boromir with a random piece of wood. Again, this did nothing, he hit him again, nothing, on the fourth hit Boromir's body sank, unconscious. Elrond wiped sweat from his forehead, "Thank the Valar."

As Elrond got up to leave Faramir looked at Boromir, "we can't leave him like that, what if he wakes up?"

Elrond seemed not to have thought of this, quickly Boromir was gagged and tied to a chair. Both man and elf made their way to the feast.

***

Elrond and Faramir were nowhere to be seen, 'how strange' Aragorn thought. Just as he was contemplating about send some men out to look for them, they arrived, bedraggled and out of breath. "How nice to see you, do I ask why you were delayed?"

"Oh, just, y'know, putting the tent back up." Faramir answered and sat down, Elrond quickly following suit.

Elrond glanced at the table in front of him. There was nothing on it. "Are we too late for the feasting?" He directed his question towards Aragorn.

Aragorn shook his head and looked met Elrond's gaze. "No, there is no food left, even the things made by Legolas and Gandalf are eaten. All we have left is the concoction Legolas made as a drink." Aragorn motioned to the cup in his hand.

"Oh."

"It's not all too bad, although I do wonder what the strange taste is."

Elrond reached for his cup, took a sip and spat it out. "Argh! Legolas, you runt! How could you! This could get an elf drunk with a glass or two! Imagine the others, with their low tolerances!"

Legolas looked around, he hated to correct Lord Elrond, but he would not take the blame. "No, no, no, their tolerance is higher than ours! That's why it's ok to make it, I checked with Arwen before she left. She said the drink would be perfect for this occasion." Legolas was beaming with pride.

Elrond merely slumped his head to the table, "Sometimes I wonder about you, why I /ever/ chose /you/ for the Fellowship! Arwen was joking, it's the other way around!"

Legolas was taken back, 'oh dear' he thought to himself, 'better not tell him how much I made.'

Aragorn sighed as well, "Well, there's nothing else to drink, may as well let them drink it, no more harm can be done than has already occurred." If only Aragorn knew how wrong he was...

The 'Feast' progressed slowly, talking, Aragorn being thankful that he hadn't drunk that much. Faramir didn't touch his drink, he just sat there squirming in his seat.

Eventually Gimli asked, "What's wrong, Master Faramir? You look as though you sat on a mouse!"

This may have caused numerous laughs from the drunk inhabitants of the table but just made Faramir more nervous. Elrond kicked his leg, "stop it! They'll know something's wrong! This is almost as bad as shouting out his name!"

***

After the feast came the judging of the floats, which Elrond and Faramir were forced to stay and watch. The inhabitants and guests of the area were constantly laughing, this made for the movement of the floats to be incredibly slow.

"Why can't you just make lemonade like a normal person?" Went from Elrond to Legolas, clearly becoming irritated that this was taking so long and he couldn't get back to attend to the Boromir situation back in his tent, "I mean, why were you even trusted to make a drink?"

Aragorn looked at Elrond, and whispered, "I didn't think anyone would drink it, we had enough of the other stuff...well, I thought we did."

Elrond sighed and went back to watching the floats.

*

Legolas had quickly excused himself to go to the toilet, he had become tired of Elrond and the others constant jabbing. It wasn't his fault he fell for a scheme set-up by Arwen and truth be told, he did kinda need to pee. The more he wandered and thought about it he realised he really did need to pee. Legolas raced to the toilets to find that there was a queue as big as Feanor's ego. He couldn't wait /that/ long! Legolas raced tot he back of the closest private tent and relieved himself. As he was sorting out his breeches his heard a muffled noise coming from within the tent. He peered around the corner, no-one in sight, whose tent was this? Ah! Elrond's! That explained something. He ventured in and there, in the middle of the room was Boromir tied to a chair and gagged. Legolas was shocked to say the least, he raced over to the man and took the gag out.

"Thank Eru!" He exclaimed, "they just left me tied up like this! Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Legolas, I have to tell you about my cat..."

After about three minutes Legolas replaced the gag, getting a bite in the process. He raced back to the judging podium, the others had to be told!

***

"...so I said to the man, if you're going to give /that/ to him, perhaps you should buy him a sheep," if it was anyone but Faramir telling the joke people probably would have burst out laughing about then. Alas, it was Faramir, the only response he was greeted with was a group of puzzled expressions and Aragorn asking, "Why didn't he just give the milk to the man's daughter?"

Faramir sighed, glad to see Legolas had returned.

Legolas was almost breathless, a rarity for an elf. He seemed to be frantic. "Aragorn! Aragorn! You'll never believe it, Boromir is tied up and gagged in a tent! And he keeps talking about cats!"

Aragorn looked at the elf with disbelief written all over his face, "I really think you've had too much of your drink."

Legolas shook his head and /insisted/ the man was there. "Ok, ok, which tent did you say he was in?"

" 'Elrond's Mystic Parlour' " Legolas replied.

At this Aragorn's eyebrows raised, seeing a jittery Elrond and Faramir beside him and remembering the earlier happenings. "Oh Eru!

What /have/ you two done?!" said Aragorn as he raced off to their tent.

*

Elrond was trying to explain, "...you see, every time we un-gag him, he starts going on about this cat he's got. We think he came back wrong."

Legolas was nodding vigorously, "when I un-gagged him he kept going on and on about his cat called...Martha?"

It was now the turn of the gagged Boromir to nod vigorously.

Aragorn held his head, it couldn't be /that/ bad and they couldn't leave him like that forever! Aragorn reached down and pulled out the gag.

"Aragorn! How nice to see you, nice to see you're king! Have I told you about my cat yet? She's the sweetest thing you'll ever meet! She had yellow eyes and..."

***

Three hours later, while still trying to think of solutions for getting Boromir back and not having the choice of gagging him after being so vehemently against him being gagged in the first place, Aragorn lost it. He raised his sword and over Boromir's head and hit him with the flat side, shouting...

"Go play with your pet cat! Go on! Go!"

Unfortunately, that was the end to probably-defective Boromir and the end of the first and last Summer Fair ever held in Gondor.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Printed from Open Scrolls Archive (https://www.openscrolls.net) on Sat Nov 14, 2026 9:38 pm