Reviews for "Haldir and Elzabeth : The Epic"

Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:56 pm

What is "rural LA"? Do you mean Louisiana? I can't even remember seeing trees in Los Angeles. Wink smiley face

Writing-wise, be on the lookout for point-of-view shifts, like this one: "A sense of relief washed over Haldir." Up until that point (and in the next paragraph), you're telling the story from Elzabeth's point of view. From this point onward, though, point of view is very inconsistent, which makes the story harder to follow.

Haldir says that he'll take Elzabeth to meet with Galadriel because the Lady is curious about E's bizarre arrival. Fair enough. But when Elzabeth actually meets with Galadriel, Galadriel doesn't ask any questions, even though she must be weirded out by a creature so stubborn and insanely powerful enough to fend off even her ability to see into the minds of others. Instead, Galadriel assigns the stranger to her security patrol! This seems very risky and out of character for Galadriel, who is supposed to be wise.

Beware of modernisms: "Do you wish for me to fix you up on a date?" That just doesn't sound like something a LoTR character would say. Smile smiley face

Finally, someone eventually is going to use the words "Mary Sue," so just be ready for them. The character of Elzabeth is a little underdeveloped right now, though I assume you'll give us more insight into her character later on, so I'm not too worried about it. Still, it might be a good idea to tone down her superpowers a bit.

Interesting story so far. Hope you continue. Smile smiley face

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Reviews for "Haldir and Elzabeth : The Epic"