Reviews for "Beyond Ice and Fire"
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ellie
Joined: 30 Aug 2004
Reviews: 110
Location: Where I am now.
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Sun Dec 26, 2004 9:20 pm
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| This is an excellent story and worth more than one read. I enjoyed it very much and love the way you portray Finrod. |
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Halfwest
Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Reviews: 8
Location: Ladros
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Fri Aug 05, 2005 10:45 am
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A good idea, and the quality of the writing is fine, but it felt rushed. Let your language be a reflection of the scope of these events. The Dagor Bragollach was a battle that spanned immense time and geographical distance. You seem to have a good understanding of where everything is, but it feels miniaturized for the sake of the scene. Description! Not a whole lot, but enough to give a sense of seperation between one thing and the next. Too much dialogue all at once can tend to turn into a script. Gesture, pause, observe, react. There is a richness in your subject well worth exploring.
I tell you all of this not to be a nitpicky twit, but because I think you have the capacity to DO it, and I would love to see it done with these characters in this setting. This part of the histories are sort of my pet obsession.  I've actually been thinking of writing a similar story focusing instead on the battle on the marches to the East of Dorthonion, where Gorlim fought and Bregolas was killed. |
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Halfwest
Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Reviews: 8
Location: Ladros
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Fri Aug 05, 2005 10:46 am
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A good idea, and the quality of the writing is fine, but it felt rushed. Let your language be a reflection of the scope of these events. The Dagor Bragollach was a battle that spanned immense time and geographical distance. You seem to have a good understanding of where everything is, but it feels miniaturized for the sake of the scene. Description! Not a whole lot, but enough to give a sense of seperation between one thing and the next. Too much dialogue all at once can tend to turn into a script. Gesture, pause, observe, react. There is a richness in your subject well worth exploring.
I tell you all of this not to be a nitpicky twit, but because I think you have the capacity to DO it, and I would love to see it done with these characters in this setting. This part of the histories are sort of my pet obsession. I've actually been thinking of writing a similar story focusing instead on the battle on the marches to the East of Dorthonion, where Gorlim fought and Bregolas was killed. |
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