Reviews for "The Boundaries of Time"

Sat Dec 11, 2004 2:37 pm

The subject of the story is a good one and it's clear that you've put a lot of thought into it. The main suggestion I have for you is to cut back on the descriptions of the surroundings and the use of modifiers (adjectives and adverbs). While the descriptions are certainly beautiful and I believe you're using them as a tool to set the surroundings, too much can make our stories sound more like travel guides.

Anytime you describe something, you're pausing the action and stopping the story, thereby pulling the reader out of the the story. A better way to describe and still keep the narrative going is to show the surroundings through the character's point of view, how it affects him. Keep it attached to the character's POV in some way and you keep the story moving. You have some really good moments in the story, but they're kind of lost in all the descriptions of the landscape.

A few Tolkien-ish nitpicks are that if the four blades on the ground were glowing as Aragorn was looking at them, he wouldn't have been surprised about the Orcs' appearance. The blue glow from the blades is a sign that Orcs/goblins are near and Aragorn would have immediately been on his guard when he saw that. The curse put upon the Elves for the kinslaying and stealing the boats at Alqualonde was called the Curse of the Noldor, or the Doom of Mandos. I don't offhand remember Manwe cursing anyone, although he did get pissed at quite a few people. Laughing smiley face

This is meant as constructive critique so please don't take it as me picking apart your story. Which, I guess I really am doing, but I promise, not in a mean way! On the contrary, if it wasn't interesting I wouldn't have taken the time to read both chapters and then offer con crit on it. You can really do a lot with this story so I hope you keep going on it and get down to the meat of what's going on with Aragorn out there. Good luck! Very Happy smiley face

Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:44 pm

So far I've enjoyed this story and am looking forward to more. There has obviously been a lot of work put into it, and though I would agree with the points Andreth has made, it is also obvious to me that you're have a lot of talent as a writer and a lot of skill. I actually like the descriptive passages, but I do agree with Andreth, there's a little too much description during the 'action' scenes. (And I am seriously guilty of the same thing, it must be said, as several long-suffering beta's have pointed out Cool smiley face

). Shorter sentences for instance can produce a more hectic or urgent feeling in the scene.

As Andreth has said, though, please do not be discouraged. I will say again, I think you are a very talented writer and that it would take very little to make this a superb story, as opposed to a good one. You've picked a very interesting part of LOTR history to write about, and one I personally haven't seen done too often, so I will be watching to find out what happens along the way.

All the best
Jess

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Reviews for "The Boundaries of Time"