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SpaceWeavil

Joined: 27 May 2004
Reviews: 365
Location: Looking at shiny things
Thu Dec 09, 2004 1:39 pm
I don't usually go in for drabbles, but this one has very good structure, given that it includes dialogue. I'm impressed. Very cleverly done and it is poignant to read. Very Happy smiley face
 
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NancyBrooke
Joined: 12 May 2003
Reviews: 558
Location: In a motel 6 by the airport
Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:42 pm
Very good. The best thing about a drabble is that the form can help get you to the heart of things. You certainly did that here. I particularly liked the line "against my better judgement." But who is the brother Eowyn had lost? she had only Eomer, I'm pretty sure, and nothing happens to him; confused Confused smiley face .
 
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Viv

Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 673
Location: Texas
Thu Dec 09, 2004 5:45 pm
Poignant and yet not weepy: good balance there. Be on the lookout for shifts in verb tense, like "My eyes searched desperately for the one face I could not see. He has to be here, he must be." That second sentence really needs to be in past tense.

Drabbles are always a challenge, and you've developed a touching one here. Kudos.
 
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Rous

Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Reviews: 503
Location: Trying to stay below the radar
Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:02 am
So nicely done. You can feel the anguish. I love drabbles, when done correctly. Yours really hits the spot.

Thank you for sharing.
rous
 
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