Reviews for "Distant Maiden"

Sun Dec 12, 2004 5:57 am

I like this. It's a sweet scene and to be honest, I've always thought we need a bit more info on how those two got together. (I love you Aragorn...no wait, who's that bloke? Wink smiley face

). One line in particular that struck me as very nice was the one comparing Eowyn to the flower surviving winter. Nice allusion. Just to make a suggestion, which is not a flame, and not intended to be disrespectful or mean, but a beta might help make this a great story, rather than a good one. There are a couple of grammatical things that struck me. For instance, I would have said 'The houses of healing were quiet' rather than 'was quiet', but generally the piece has some really nice imagery and some nice insight into Faramir's thoughts. Like I said, a few tweaks and it could be very very good indeed.

Only one other thing though; I wasn't so sure about Eowyn's wanting Aragorn so she could be queen. I never really picked that up from the text or the film, that it was an ambitious thing on her part. I might be a hopeless romantic, but it always struck me as a very genuine 'innocent' (for want of a better word) love, and remember that she was herself the niece of the king of Rohan, so had some fair clout herself, I would imagine.

Please don't think I'm ripping your story to bits here. It's certainly not my intention to flame your or discourage you from writing at all. I'm only making suggestions, which I hope are helpful rather than irritating. As I said earlier, I did enjoy this piece and would like to see you explore the idea further, maybe from Eowyn's perspective?

All the best Very Happy smiley face

Sun Dec 12, 2004 7:31 am

This was nicely done. I like pieces that explore the inner emotions of characters and I think you did a nice job here. I also liked the descriptions. I definitely think a "Eowyn's perspective" follow up is in order. I'd love to see that.

You obviously have really strong instincts as a writer since you do such a nice job writing (showing/not telling) character emotions and descriptions. One of the wonderful facilities here at OSA is the forum where you can find people to beta read before you post. That can catch mechanical details like a few grammar niggles. I take advantage of that because I am not a native english speaker so that's how I know it really helps me.

Sun Dec 12, 2004 9:08 pm

A very cute piece.

Mon Dec 13, 2004 9:55 am

Sweet without overdosing, and good balance of emotions. An honest and realistic attempt Smile smiley face

Tue Dec 14, 2004 4:39 pm

Your very evocative story gave me a little respite of peace in an otherwise busy afternoon. You really communicated the atmosphere and feelings well.

Thu Dec 16, 2004 4:50 pm

The sentiment and movement of this piece are both strong. It's easy to read and identify with, and through your desriptions I got a clear image of Eowyn asleep, and Faramir watching her. However, the story could use a little polish. Sometimes it drifted toward the wordy: "and wondered to think what she was dreaming of." That bit could have been said simply, "and wondered what she dreamed of." Simpler sentences often pack more emotional punch. Also beware of verb tenses... those things are slippery and sometimes shift without you even being aware of it. Has someone edited this piece? Sometimes it helps to have a second pair of eyes look at something. I wondered at the end why he did this to himself, why he searched each room until he found hers and then stared at her, when all along he believed that she loved someone else. I know it's a show of his affection and deep feeling, but it bordered on unhealthy obsession, which doesn't really gel with my image of Faramir. What if he had a real reason to be there, like checking to make sure she didn't have a fever or something?

Fri Jun 10, 2005 3:47 am

This is essentially a gentle romance, one which needs some careful work to reach its full potential. The long descriptions of Faramir's movements in the room need to be pared down.

I wondered why he didn't know where she's staying--surely he would know where so high-ranking a lady would be housed. Especially in his own home.

The "romance" between Aragorn & Eowyn always seemed to have the air of battlefield love about it--one desperate fling before descending into the abyss of war. Tolkien surely saw this, both as a young man & again during WWII. (This is simply an observation on my part, and not a comment on your story. Smile smiley face

)

Sun Oct 01, 2017 4:25 am

A nice read even if it was a bit wordy. We get that Faramir was moving about the room, and descriptions o it are good up to a point. Would like to have read more of what he was thinking, and I agree with another reviewer that an'Eowyn's Perspective' is needed. Being this is 13 years old at the time of my review, I think I may try and write one. Smile smiley face

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Reviews for "Distant Maiden"