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pg74
Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Reviews: 21
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Sat Jul 26, 2003 8:26 am
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I am really intrigued by this story. I too am facinated with the middle ages and the 'Black Death'.
I can't wait for more of this story. |
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Silreth
Joined: 07 Jun 2003
Reviews: 15
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Mon Jul 28, 2003 7:39 pm
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| It's interesting. There's better grammar and most of it's in past tense. You are a skilled writer. |
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Silreth
Joined: 07 Jun 2003
Reviews: 15
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Sun Aug 10, 2003 8:25 pm
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| Why? One word! Why ? |
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drkangelmisery
Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Reviews: 4
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Sat Dec 13, 2003 5:31 am
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oooh first time i read story of yours and i not get bored  good good sissy i go read more  ::reads:: |
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Isilme
Joined: 04 Mar 2004
Reviews: 17
Location: The Netherlands
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Sun Mar 28, 2004 8:09 pm
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I like the idea of the Black Death hitting Middle Earth, and I found your story an entertaining read. However, I do have some constructive comments.
First of all, you should really check your story on spelling and grammar errors. There are quite a few of them. Your grammar does improve in later chapters, but I would reccomend to go over your story again and filter out any errors you find. If you need help with this, I am willing to point out the errors I found. Furthermore, I would like to point out that the Lordly elf from Gondolin is called GlorfiNdel, not Glorfidel. 
Secondly, I think it would really improve your story if you try to go deeper into the feelings of the characters. For example, in chapter 3 Elrond is concerned about the effect that the death of Estel will have on his sons, because he believes they love the boy very much. But then, in chapter four, it suddenly becomes clear that Elladan hardly shows any affection to young Estel and that Elrond thinks he hates Estel. This train of thought is very confusing for the reader so you may want to think about rewriting certain parts, so that your characters feelings become more consistent.
I want to empasize that I think your story has great potential. If you tweak it a little it could be a really good story.
Greetz,
Isilme |
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Ravenswing
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Reviews: 3
Location: Orange, New Jersey
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 3:48 pm
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| I found the story to be somewhat "stilted", "disjoined". You have a tendency to ramble and more effort is needed in the areas of proofreading , spelling and grammar. You are someone I think would do well with a professional beta reader (not some on-line buddy who just 'loves' your stuff, but really only wants to read it before anyone else; but a true beta); someone who could help you with research, grammar, sindarin etc. More effort is needed |
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