Reviews for "Haldir's First Love"

Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:36 pm

First of all, welcome to OSA Hello smiley face

Your story seems very interesting so far and I've been reading throughout the day as you've updated to see what happens. The idea of two people being almost as close as siblings and that getting in the way of their real feelings is an interesting one, and I'm looking forward to see how you resolve it with your character and Haldir. I'm also keen to see how the relationship with the other brothers develops now that they're older.

My only thing I would suggest is that using the present tense throughout the story might be a bit off-putting. I found it a little difficult to read because of this, as it's something I don't particularly like. That might just be me, but I much prefer traditional past tense narrative, unless the use of present tense is to achieve some 'special effect' within the story. An idea maybe, if you're quite new to fanfic (as I read in your profile) is that we have here on OSA a beta-reading forum, where you can find people who can check over your ficbefore you post, and give an opinion on stuff like that, as well as picking up any spelling / grammar errors. Everyone here is very supportive and usually you get a response within 24 hours of posting there. I'm not saying this because I think you're a bad writer. Quite the opposite, in fact. From what you've written so far, it's obvious you have talent.

Please don't be discouraged by any of this. I'm not trying to be nasty or anything. Your story really is interesting and I do hope you continue to post here at OSA. If you want to ask me anything about these comments, feel free to send a private message through the site's system Very Happy smiley face

Thu Jan 13, 2005 11:23 am

I agree with the previous reviewer about use of first person narrative. I think it was a little distracting. A new writer? You have much potential. This story has a good structure and premise. If you wanted to rework it, it might be good. However, you might consider keeping it as is and trying a different route on your next work(please write more). i have to say, your Haldir is quite endearing. Your OFC is also very likeable - "I am NOT your sister!" I liked that thread through the whole piece, especially seeing it in the last chapter!!!!(likewise, PM me if want clarification of anything I've suggested). Smile smiley face

Sun Jan 16, 2005 3:46 pm

Mae govannen! So nice to see another writer deal with the three brothers of Lorien! ( I am an unabashed Haldir fan!)

"First love?" This leads me to believe that there will me more to steal his heart!

I was wondering if the use of the name of the OFC was a little bit "mary Sue-ish?" Not to worry, I have had some people warn me of that in MY writing!

I am still workin on my first fic myself. Like yours, my Hal is a sweetie, very old (a First Age baby) and filled with the burden of memory and sorrow.

--Eruanna

Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:20 pm

Perfect ending line in this chapter. Nicely done.

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Reviews for "Haldir's First Love"