Reviews for "Haldir and Elzabeth : Healing"

Fri Jan 21, 2005 6:10 pm

This is very sweet however there are few problems. It moves too quickly, to quirky. The flow just kinda jerks you along. There are several difficult things that makes this fic harder to sell- Haldir leaving a battle to tend to his lover is one. Her name is another. If she is an elf, she really needs an elvish name to make it more believable. With some work and more length, this could be very nice. You might want to read some really well written fics to see how they set up. I can recommend a few if you like. PM me.

by the way, anyone who leaves a 1 star review, and no explanation, is a coward. (If they PM'd you, that's different. ) Please don't let it hinder you. I like how much he loves her.

Fri Jan 21, 2005 7:50 pm

Some of the modernisms put me off: "bras," "pain endorphins," "millimeters," "pants," and use of the word "ok." But Haldir's attention to his lover is compelling. The smut scene went a little too quickly, but it was okay in the end. The feeling was that these are longtime lovers, though I might have wanted to see how the injury affected their typical lovemaking routine. Good job with grammar, spelling, and all that. The story was definitely readable. Smile smiley face

Fri Jan 21, 2005 8:05 pm

I largely agree with everything that has been said. I think you have great potential as a writer. You have the mechanics of it well under your command (spelling, grammar, sentence variation etc). You dialogue is good. You do need to work on develping the plot more thoroughly and smoothly. I have a suggestion for that--I have a really good friend that also likes Tolkien but she says she doesn't like writing so she won't do her own stuff. I come up with an idea and outline it as thoroughly as I can. Then she and I sit down and thrash it out. She asks a lot of 'what would happen here?' and 'how would this person feel here' questions. That really develops things thoroughly. And if you get a beta from the forum, you could get those modernisms out of there. That puts off a lot of the Tolkien fans to be honest and it is hard to learn that stuff at first unless you've read a lot of history or historical fiction.

Sat Jan 22, 2005 11:11 am

I'm in agreement with your other reviews and they've already made the points I was going to; your writing is enjoyable to read and technically accurate (grammar etc) which does make such a difference Very Happy smiley face

. Since you pointed out in your note that this is a follow-up to your larger fic, I did go and have a quick look at that one too, so I would know what is going on, and so I understand now that your OFC is actually from the modern world, which made a little more sense of some of the situations. Just as a suggestion, maybe have a little summary of your other fic, or at least of where your OFC comes from at the opening of the story? That way people would know who she is, and also might be interested then in looking at the original story? Actually when I first read this, I thought it was the first chapter of another longer fic. It does feel as if you intended maybe to carry this story on and look at the relationship between Haldir and Elzabeth as he tried to get her back to health. I'd be interested to see you do this, in fact, and as your other reviewers have said, develop the plot a little farther, because you have tweaked my interest here. Very Happy smiley face

If you want to ask anything about this review or anything I've said here, feel free to PM me, btw Cool smiley face

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Reviews for "Haldir and Elzabeth : Healing"