Reviews for "The Blood Flower"

Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:06 pm

I think the author has a good start here. This angsty type of story can be very popular. And the description that is written is nice. But there are a few things that you could do to make it better. First, think about sentence variety. For example, you have a number of sentences that start "Her..." Try combining some of them to make a more complex, less repetitive sequence. You could do the same with the "But she..." sentences. And make all the sections paragraphs, not series of sentences. You will want to check the spelling of certain canon terms (Uruk-hai, for example.) And generally speaking, statements like "You murdered my family" are much more interesting if the reader knows more about the backstory. You could lengthen this and include a flashback perhaps. These are just thoughts that hopefully will help you expand on this story and help you with others.

Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:52 pm

I agree with ellisk. This piece could have potential, in trust that you fix it up. Right now it seems like a piece a young person who's just tried to write something for the first time, which is, not very good. Include much more background, story, details, and the like, and it will make your story much more interesting. Also, don't forget to edit and have someone else edit your story as well. Keep it up!

Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:14 pm

THANKS!!!! I'll forward the reviews to my friend and it will hopefully help. She is not very good with spelling but hey, that's why we have beta readers. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!!!!

Wed Aug 30, 2006 11:25 pm

I loved this story! Sure it was short, but the fact that it doesn't have the background gives it a mystery to it. Something for the readers to think about. The fact that she died avenging her family was well brought out, and the red snow-flake flower, it made the story complete. Well done! Both of you (one for writing, one for posting.)

Eruwesteth

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Reviews for "The Blood Flower"