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Reviews for "When Love Takes You In"

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SpaceWeavil

Joined: 27 May 2004
Reviews: 365
Location: Looking at shiny things
Sun Mar 13, 2005 3:29 pm

This is an interesting beginning, and you've set up a lot of potential conflict and questions in this first chapter, which is a good thing. I must say I do like OFCs when they are woven into the pre-established action of the films / books without completely changing the plot, and so far you seem to have that. One thing I would like to see more of is the relationships between Eowyn and Legolas (that you hinted at) and between Faramir and the OFC. You've set up quite a strange relationship with Faramir and Ramo, with her being a 'kept woman', but you didn't go into much detail about it. Same with the Legolas thing. I think a lot of readers might want to know more about what's going on there, so they can try to reconcile that with their views of the canon characters.

Couple of things though - firstly it might be an idea to have a beta reader take a quick look at it, as there are a few spelling errors and places where the narrative seems to change from third to first person suddenly, both small things that a beta can pick up on. There's a forum dedicated to beta reading here on OSA and you usually get loads of responses if you ask there. Certainly I have found some fabulous people to work with that way. One other point, which may be my personal opinion, is that some parts of the description struck me as a bit too modern, things like 'crying their eyes out'. I know some people though who don't like old fashioned prose, so that may just be me.

As I said, an interesting beginning, and I'm interested to see where you go with this. If you want to ask anything about this review, don't hesitate to drop me a PM Very Happy smiley face
 
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ArtanisOrangeBlossom
Joined: 07 Nov 2004
Reviews: 96
Location: 
Sat Mar 19, 2005 10:24 pm

absolutely breathtaking. The sorrow is tangible...i would love to see Ramo expanded on...esp in regards to her relationship with Faramir.
 
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Shanalir
Joined: 27 Feb 2005
Reviews: 183
Location: Umm, anyone seen my map?
Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:26 pm

I'm interested in reading more. I wonder if Legolas thought about what he was telling Ramo when he said that the little boy was a half-breed, despised because he's part "dirty human." I really want to know if he realized that he was telling his new wife that that was how their children would be viewed. I'm glad that they had the boy treated. Gotta wonder what Thranduil's reaction to his new daughter-by-marriage will be. looking forward to seeing a lot of character development (Ramo's strength of character, and stubborn refusal to be viewed as a "dirty human," Legolas showing his tender side and stubbornness in forcing his people to accept his wife, both character's determination to triumph over all adversity, including the difference in blood). This is going on my watched list. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
 
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