Reviews for "Does She or Doesn't She?"
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Viv
Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 673
Location: Texas
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Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:20 pm
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| Your focus on beauty and music is so appropriate for elven sensibilities, and the multisensory (visual = white dress and golden hair; tactile = caress of her hair; aural = "song in her heart") barrage of the opening paragraph starts this theme off nicely. In fact, with the light, sweet word choices you started off with, "nation" jarred me a bit. Maybe "people" or even "kind" would work better? The narrative choice to write in present-tense works, I think. There are some awkward verb-tense moments (using past-perfect when regular old past-tense is all that's needed), but I think a grammar-minded beta could fix that up in a jiffy. Did you answer that question "Does she or doesn’t she?" at the end? I'm assuming, based on the little epilogue, that she does. Nice Valinorean moment. |
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Thuriniel
Joined: 29 Jul 2003
Reviews: 94
Location: Watching the purple sky fly over me ...
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Wed Mar 09, 2005 5:17 pm
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This was a beautiful moment in time. I was impressed by the way you portray Indis, that she would've loved Finwe since young, and never reproached him that he married another elf. Her feelings of sorrow at the death of Miriel were very touching and genuine. I think that Indis had it very tough when she married Finwe ... and only someone with such a beautiful soul would've been able to face the "challenges" of being a second wife in elven society.
As far as structure goes, I thought that the use of present tense captured quite well the significance of the moment, and I didn't mind the past recollections told in past tense. I must confess, though, that I found myself a bit lost with the mention of the brother ... I wasn't exactly sure who you were talking about. But then that might just be my own lack of knowledge on First Age Elves  .
It was a delightful read. |
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ghettoelleth
Joined: 06 Nov 2004
Reviews: 378
Location:
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Fri Mar 11, 2005 7:52 am
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| Ellie, this is lovely. One of my favorite things about your writing style is that you make the Silmarillion more accessable for a general audience. I love that and I hope it gives people more of a nudge to read the book because there are so many wonderful stories to be added to and conjectured about. The one transition line about the brother was a bit of a stumble, easily missed when you know what you were trying to say and easily fixed with a well placed word or two. Otherwise, another gem honey, congrats. |
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