Reviews for "The Man on the Street"

Mon Feb 27, 2006 3:09 pm

Brilliant, as always! Very Happy smiley face

"Average Joe Gondor"......*snicker* Laughing smiley face

Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:27 pm

You nailed the challenge head on with this very sweet little drabble. A halfling prince - *sighs*

Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:16 am

I always thought the idea that the people of Gondor called the hobbits princes was very dear, so I liked seeing this depiction of that theme. Well done, NB. Very Happy smiley face

Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:30 am

Very nicely done Smile smiley face

You have a gift for dialogue darling that I will envy to my dying day!! Bow smiley face

And one of these from my son, he just thinks you're too cool Smile smiley face

Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:19 am

These are lovely snippets of dialogue, but it doesn't necessarily work *for me* in a couple of ways.

Within the context of the challenge of an unnamed character
- this is about Merry, certainly not an unnamed character, and while your speakers aren't named either in LotR or in your drabble, it seemed *to me* that the spirit of the drabble was to be an individual, and this seems to be the bits of convo that Merry heard as he continued walking - so I don't see that you've identified (even without naming) an unnamed character. ... Different from, for example, one unnamed individual commenting as Merry walked past. I could have mis-read that, but (to me) the dialogue doesn't seem so connected that it's from an individual as much as it seems to be from various individuals.

along those same lines, while the bits of dialogue themselves are delightful, ... [[and I especially enjoy your ability to portray an emotional scene through dialogue without description, (in general, I enjoy a balance of description, but so frequently see it overdone, it's a wonderful surprise to find such a flavorful bit of dialogue without it)]] ... and while I know that drabbles are only loosely defined, I still like to see a complete thought, and/or a beginning/middle/and end -which this passage doesn't seem (to me) to have.

Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:03 pm

Wow, Sul, I'm sorry that this really didn't come across for you. While the object of the story is Pippin, not Merry, the subject (and single speaker) is one of those people Tolkien describes in the passage sited as talking about him as he goes looking for Bergil. I'm somewhat mystified as to what I could have done differently to make this clearer, or to make the dialog hang together better ... do chats between neighbors always have beginnings, middles and ends? Smile smiley face

Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:36 pm

oops - sorry about the Merry/Pippin confusion. If it'd been Finrod and Fingon, I'd have been there, but the hobbits tend to blur sometimes. Smile smiley face

I've found, with crit, that there will always be people who connect with a work and people who don't. Depending on what I'm working on, I'll try to get a range of viewpoints for consideration before I make any changes. I frequently get directly contradictory crit on the same piece (love the dinner scene / hate the dinner scene ... etc ) So it is entirely possible that this drabble didn't reach me even well enough to crit. Obviously, other people like it pretty well, so it's entirely possible it's just me.

My confusion is that I didn't realize it was just one speaker - I agree about people frequently talking in fragments. hmmm.... In my mind, when I was reading, it seemed to be coming from unrelated people as he walked. ... maybe have fragments *or* only one side of the conversation... or a running commentary without assumed replies. ??

*for me*, I needed more continuity in the conversation to realize it was just one speaker, and that was my main issue with this one. - or maybe to have the focus more on the speaker and less on Pippin.
re: beginning/middle/end ... I agree conversations typically don't, but I think part of the fun of drabbling is making them complete. ... I looked back at it, I wonder if you could use a device such as the speaker seeing him coming, passing and going ...?

(Thanks for the discussion! - lots of ways to play with this one. )

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Reviews for "The Man on the Street"