Reviews for "A Journey Unplanned"

Sat Nov 18, 2006 10:00 pm

You may want to consider reading this piece out loud to yourself. There are a few lines (such as "But the creature ignored them as I ignored the many cuts I already had and leaped for me once again." and "By the gods, how many had seen her naked?" [should be "me" in a first-person piece, I think.) that I don't think say what you mean them to say. And that's a pity, because I think you have a really nice action sequence at the beginning, and written in first person, too, which I think is harder. Also, you may want to take a look at a resource on comma usage: Generally two independent clauses are separated by a comma (that old "comma before 'and'" thing from grade school). I *really* like how you introduced her interesting appearance and history, without making her seem Sueish. Nice little character study!

Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:16 am

Delightful story, well-told from a first person perspective. She's an engaging character, stubborn and strong without being obnoxious about it. It was a little frustrating not knowing more about who she was running from or to, but someone more versed in Tolkien's work may have picked up on clues or hints. The interplay between Haldir and she was most enjoyable throughout.

Warmest Wishes,
Whoa Nellie

Sun Apr 22, 2007 6:16 pm

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Reviews for "A Journey Unplanned"