Reviews for "Nightmare"

Tue Oct 23, 2007 11:30 pm

Interesting thought. I am guessing that she encountered orcs and not elves?

Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:12 am

Interesting! I hope the orcs don"t do anything to terrible to her!(where are elves when you need them?LOL)

Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:04 pm

Interesting so far...I'm assuming the guys in masks were orcs? Please update soon! I want to know what happens!

Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:40 pm

This is probably just me being picky....but technically, Legolas and Alice should not understand each other. Aran Tolkien specifically said in the Appendices (and in other places) that Westron was not English.

Other than that, it's really good so far!

Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:16 pm

Brilliant! Love the idea of that tradition of yours...

Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:40 pm

You asked for feedback, but I'm sure you didn't mean this. Please forgive me; when I start making notes about a story I'm reading, I just go on and on. Take what you want and discard the rest of my comments, okay? Don't let anything I say stifle your muse. You write very well, and I would hate to say anything that would dissuade you from continuing.

Still, I'm a notoriously picky reader, so here goes...

--From what you have so far, I'm so glad that Alice is in Middle-earth: with so little in common, she and Matt would have made each other miserable as a married couple! lol

--Smidge of a nitpick: Tolkien implied in the chapters "Many Partings" and "The Grey Havens" that Galadriel went to Rivendell immediately after the farewells and that she left from there three years later to go across the sea. Celeborn isn't mentioned in "The Grey Havens," so the assumption is that he returned to Lothlorien, without his wife (ahh the angst!). So to remain true to LoTR, you probably want to replace Galadriel with Celeborn in the scenes in Lothlorien.

--Awww... Gimli got a line! And he got to do the killin! Go him!

--I know that elves are naturals at learning new languages, but it might have taken Legolas a little more time to become fluent in English. It wouldn't be hard to make that a little more believable. Maybe she talked in her sleep and that was enough for him to glean sufficient introductory vocabulary? A tiny detail like that might silence the more skeptical readers.

--"Normally his kind could cope with no sleep for long periods of time but the talks and all the energy spent trying to sort out what was going on had affected him more than he realised." ... Excellent! You've at once reminded us that he is elvenkind and therefore different, but he also is capable of exhaustion in certain circumstances. And this is one of those circumstances. Considering that following the Merry/Pippin trail for days into Rohan without resting didn't faze him, he must be more susceptible to this sort of sedentary emotional strain. Good conclusion/detail.

--Ah! I like the elven hospitality tradition. It kind of blends with the oaths and stuff mentioned in the Silmarillion (Barahir and Finrod and all that). I'm totally buying it.

And finally Chapter 4 ...

--"he seemed to be in Middle Earth, in Lothlorien of all places" ... Uh oh, is Alice a fan of LoTR? Although a lot of people saw the movies, I'm not sure the general public could tell the difference between an ent and an orc or would even know those terms. And they certainly wouldn't recall the names of Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas without a pause. Having Alice immediately decide that this blond elf (who Tolkien never actually said was blond) is Legolas is a little bit unbelievable. In fact, unless it's crucial to the plot, I wouldn't have Alice be knoweledgeable about Middle-earth at all. (Actually, having a knowledgeable fangirl zatted to Middle-earth is an often-written story, so common in fact that the site guidelines ask writers not to post those kinds of stories. I don't know where you're going with this story, but you might want to rewrite Alice as more of a casual viewer of the movies who doesn't in fact know much about Tolkien's world, not a diehard fangirl.)

I turned on the alert for future chapters of this story. Looking forward to reading more!

Tue Sep 16, 2008 5:57 am

I've enjoyed this so far and am really interested to see where it goes, are you planning on continuing it? I see it's been dormant for a year now!! x

Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:55 pm

Okay I stumbled onto this story when I was searching for something else to read on this site. I have read so many. But anyways I like this story and think you should continue. Don't worry to much about alot of things. It takes time to write a story let alone think of a plot line or two. Take your time (but not to long. LOL!) Don't overly criticise yourself because as they say 'you can be your own worse enemy' when it comes to criticism. Don't forget this is fantasy, not real so write the way you want. Also remember it is not only entertainment for others but for yourself as well. I like this story and wish for you to continue. Keep up the good work. Maria.

Mon Jan 19, 2009 12:26 pm

I totally agree with Maria there, well said!

Thank you so much for taking the time to update, sorry if I nagged you! Sometimes we need a jolt to get our muse back. Sorry it took me so long to read the updated chapter, lifes been crazy here too. My little boy just turned two and ... oh my goodness I've still not recovered from the shock of having 15 toddlers running riot in my house! It's amazing how time cuntuming it can be to organise one day!

I really liked the chapter and am really looking forward to the next, hope you get your muse back for this one. Isis xx

Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:29 pm

i would like to read more of your story. I hope you come back to it some time!

J

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Reviews for "Nightmare"