| Author | Review |
|---|
BellemaineChercoeur
Joined: 28 May 2003
Reviews: 106
Location:
|
|
Wed Nov 19, 2003 5:49 am
|
|
|
| Dark, angsty and well written. Well Done! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Viv
Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Reviews: 673
Location: Texas
|
|
Fri Nov 21, 2003 6:36 pm
|
|
|
| This is a powerful piece of writing. The emotions and reactions are very believable; you did a really good job of showing the horror that was the twins' everyday life. Overall, the piece could use a bit of balance, though. The flashback at the end was far too short, and the shift from present tense to past just for that paragraph was jarring. I don't know if you're done with this piece or if you plan to go back and polish, but that would be a place to start. Of course, the writing in general was of such high quality that even the balance problem didn't destroy the piece. It is very, very good. Thank you for posting! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Maram68
Joined: 12 May 2003
Reviews: 114
Location: West from East
|
|
Mon Nov 24, 2003 10:50 am
|
|
|
It was amazing to see the dark side of the elves. I imagine that being the sensitive, intense beings that they are , their anger and hatred would run this deep ...
I hope you write more about the twins.
Thank you! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
sindohte
Joined: 14 May 2003
Reviews: 157
Location: Rubbing up against an Elf
|
|
Sat Feb 07, 2004 8:43 pm
|
|
|
| What a lovely hidden jewel I happened to stumble upon while wandering around OSA. You really managed to tap into the anger and torment that the twins must contend with on a daily basis. Excellent job. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Haleth
Joined: 27 Sep 2003
Reviews: 96
Location: The ruins of Tharbad.
|
|
Sat Apr 02, 2005 5:40 am
|
|
|
| This is a realistic depiction of Elrond's sons; what drives them and how they can never forgive or forget. It also shows how noble intentions and righteous anger, if carried too long, can be self-destructive. Well done. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rous
Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Reviews: 503
Location: Trying to stay below the radar
|
|
Sat Apr 02, 2005 8:13 am
|
|
|
Great story! This runs high with raw emotion. Too many want to paint the elves as emotionless; but, how could they be? The writing is superb. You may want to check out the second or third paragraph, though. The first line is repeated. I am not sure if it is intentional, but I could find no reason for it. And there is a fuzzy line at the end: "Elladan sighs. His brother has been like this often. He too has known and felt the same fury, but understand his weakness." I think it could be reworked to make a little more sense. It is not really clear who has known and felt the same fury, Elladan or Elrohir.
I agree with Viv. I think this would benefit from a little more polish. It is really outstanding as it is, but just needs a little something here and there.
Great read. Thank you for sharing.  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cuthalion
Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Reviews: 79
Location: Germany
|
|
Fri Jun 03, 2005 12:13 pm
|
|
|
I add my five cents to what Rous and Viv said; polish it a bit or chose a wise Beta to help you, and it will be brilliant. You kick me out of the tale far too fast at the end... it's like a break-off. And there is a repeated sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph; I guess you didn't want to say the same thing twice.
And it is good. Very good, really. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Alassante
Joined: 11 Dec 2004
Reviews: 459
Location: Hitchhiking to Rivendell
|
|
Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:11 pm
|
|
|
What was there was great but there wasn't much. This story is like a teaser for a bigger story. So yes...hint hint hint...more!  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Live Journal Feed
