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BellaRue
Joined: 11 Nov 2003 Reviews: 14
Location: Las Vegas
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Sun Nov 23, 2003 7:30 pm
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| I like it... Hope to read more soon! Can you possibly make the chapters longer? |
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elvenprincess
Joined: 28 Sep 2003 Reviews: 9
Location:
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Mon Nov 24, 2003 8:08 am
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plz keep going  |
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Moralanqua

Joined: 12 May 2003 Reviews: 167
Location: Scotland
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Mon Nov 24, 2003 8:11 am
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erm... IMO, the character development could be spread a little more over the chapters. I think there is too much angst in this one small chapter and it was really off putting.
Its great that you pre-warned about her being a Mary Sue, however, I dont mind a decent sue-fic but this one is an underwritten sue. I think that you could expand her back story more instead of shoving a para in chapter one. There are enough grammer mistakes etc to warrent you getting this Beta Read as well. You can get yourself a Beta via the forum.
If you want me to give you more in depth feedback, assistance or if you have any issue with this review, feel free to mail me at Scarlettangel_22@yahoo.com.
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SilentTears
Joined: 24 Jul 2003 Reviews: 23
Location: Mirkwood
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Fri Nov 28, 2003 1:45 pm
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| short chapter or not...it was good and im about to go read the second one... i thought that was cute her name.... |
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SilentTears
Joined: 24 Jul 2003 Reviews: 23
Location: Mirkwood
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Fri Nov 28, 2003 1:57 pm
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| post more soon..im talking like tomorrow... or even tonight.... please.. |
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BellaRue
Joined: 11 Nov 2003 Reviews: 14
Location: Las Vegas
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Tue Dec 02, 2003 6:46 pm
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| Wow, your story is getting better every time! I really liked that chapter! |
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BellaRue
Joined: 11 Nov 2003 Reviews: 14
Location: Las Vegas
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Fri Dec 05, 2003 5:19 pm
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| Yay! I loved that! It was very descriptive and it just sounded amazing. Keep writing please! |
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BellaRue
Joined: 11 Nov 2003 Reviews: 14
Location: Las Vegas
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Fri Dec 12, 2003 5:09 pm
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| OOh! What a cliff-hanger! I can't wait to find out what's gonna happen! Please post soon! |
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Anorliriel
Joined: 11 Dec 2003 Reviews: 16
Location: Southern California
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Sun Dec 14, 2003 3:05 am
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I've really enjoyed reading what you've written so far. Just galloped through the chapter.Ready for more. Keep it coming.Not too sure about Legolas though...is he 'young' for an Elf here? He seems a tad uncertain, but otherwise I really enjoyed it so far.  |
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SilentTears
Joined: 24 Jul 2003 Reviews: 23
Location: Mirkwood
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Wed Dec 24, 2003 1:58 pm
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| I can honestly say i do not like Leirella. she seems ungreatful..you might say she has a reason to be that way but i cant stand her.. maybe i will like her when she and legolas become a pair. just my opinion of her right now so dont mind me..the story is excellent /amazing.. great chapters... alot of detail and i loved how you described her dress and how mirkwood looked. i cant wait to read another chapter. great job!!!!!!! poor leggy...ill dance with him.. the room sounded beautiful the way you described it |
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