Reviews for "Adrift"

Wed Jun 18, 2003 2:51 pm

That was good but so sad. So do we ever find out who is sot and warm?

Wed Jun 18, 2003 7:24 pm

That was pretty good, I liked the way it was written. Though I think I saw a few grammatical errors. You definitely show that state of numbness nicely, kinda that shellshock feeling. The last line was just perfect, “but I have yet to feel a thing.” Made me shiver. Smile smiley face

Wed Jun 18, 2003 9:32 pm

What a piece of writing. So many writers, Tolkien included, gloss over the rough parts of war. They don't tell you how nasty it smells, how it aches, how filthy and horrible it is. You have begun to do that here. Thank you. Now for the constructive part: There is a transition toward the end, where Eomer is thinking about Eowyn falling in battle. The very next paragraph discusses the unnamed She, his lover. I had a squicky moment thinking that you were saying that Eowyn and the soft lover were the same. As I read on, I realized it wasn't so. But you may want to peek at that transition again.

Wed Jun 18, 2003 9:57 pm

Oh, and I meant to ask... why is this classified as AU? I think it'd fit fine in the LoTR classification. It doesn't gratuitously mess with canon. My opinion, of course; you probably have reasons. Now, if you were to make "her" Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something... Smile smiley face

Thu Jun 19, 2003 7:11 am

Thank you very much for the feedback, ladies. :-0 Scribe, I really don't know if we'll ever get to meet the soft and warm lover Éomer remembers so fondly. We'll have to see what my ÉomerMuse has to say on the subject. She does have a mind of her own. Genesis and Viv, what can I say? You both seem to have caught all I wanted to show in this drabble. I'm glad you liked it. Viv, I know what you mean about the transition. I fiddled with it, changed it, came back and changed it again. In the end, I wasn't too sure of anything. I kind of like the teasing it creates... is it Éowyn, is it not... though I really wasn't aiming for that effect when I was writing. No, what I was after was a form of discontinued train of thoughts. You know, one thing to the next, not necessarily in any order that makes sense to anyone other than Éomer. And even then, I'm not sure he's making head or tail of this hence the title. But maybe it's not really working...

Oh, and no, there were no ulterior reason for putting the story in the AU section. The lover won't show up later on as Ally McBeal or Legolas' long lost sister. I felt, since I was mucking around with canon by putting this woman in Éomer's past... and assuming what his thoughts and state of mind were, that it was the thing to do. After a rather long list of expletives from Scribe, I'm now going to change it to the LotR cat, as Viv suggested.

Thanks again.

Thu Jun 19, 2003 7:13 am

Lovely use of imagery and character monologue. Well Done!

Thu Jun 19, 2003 6:13 pm

Oh, no. The disconnect is poetic; don't try to smooth it out! I really felt like I was in Eomer's head.. and it was a pretty scary place to be. I wonder if folks who really have seen war can relate. Somehow I think they might.

Thu Jun 26, 2003 4:33 pm

The Rohirrim and Legolas are my favorite characters on LOTR ... and I love battle scenes. You did an amazing job, going further into Eomer and all what happened in the Pelennor Fields.

Great writing! Thank you!

Tue Nov 18, 2003 12:53 am

By and large, this is a well-thought-out piece--the exhaustion, the drained emotions--all work beautifully. I wondered who "she" was, too. I'm afraid my first thoughts were Eowyn, but that just shows what kind of mind I have! Twisted Evil smiley face

Thu Aug 19, 2004 11:04 am

My first thought is "what viv says" but then I continued to read, and you know what, it is a very good example of a "stream" of thought. I am guilty of toppic hopping in my head, just look at my posts! if my 2 cents are worth that, I liked it!

Login

Navigation

RSS Feeds

Reviews for "Adrift"