Parody of the Rings: Fellowship of the...Ah who the hell are we kidding?

Lord Elrond of Rivindell stands in the center of his council chamber. To his left stands Arwen, and to his right stands Glorfindel. Elrond reveals a coin in his hand.
Elrond: If you guess the right side you get to go save Aragorn and Frodo.
He tosses the coin.
Elrond: Your choice, Glorfindel?
Glorfindel: Heads!!!
Elrond: Arwen?
Arwen: Take a guess...
Elrond: Tails it is!! Go get em sweetie!!
Glorfindel: Dammit!!

Meanwhile, somewhere in the forest, Frodo is not doing well. The hobbit and his freinds are in a clearing with three tall stone statues wearing bad suits.
Sam: Look Mr. Frodo. It's Mr. Bilbo's salesmen.
Frodo: Yeah, that would be interesting if I weren't drifting into the dark world!!!
Pippin: Is he gonna die?
Aragorn: One can only hope.
Sam: Hey!!
Aragorn: I mean, one can only hope not! Sam do you know the kingsfoil plant?
Sam: It's a weed, right.
Aragorn: It may be able to help him.
Sam: Oh.
Aragorn and Sam run into the forest looking for Kingsfoil. Aragoorn has just found some, when he feels the blade under his chin.
Arwen: Do you surrender?
Aragorn: That all depends on what my punishment will be.

Frodo see a lot of light and then sees some funky shimmering chick.
Arwen: Frodo, I am Arwen...WAKE UP DAMMIT!!!
Arwen slaps him. He shows no responce.
Arwen: This idiot is pathetic. You risked your life for him, Aragorn?
Aragorn: Yeah. I'm trying to score points toward getting into heaven.
Arwen: No problem there. Satan wouldn't want you.
Aragorn: Thanks...
Arwen: I'll take him to my father.
Aragorn: There are wraiths out there you know.
Arwen: Yeah, and that's why I brought my "Wraith be Gone Spray". Gets rid of Wraiths, or your money back.
Aragorn: Whatever. If you run into any Ewoks, just use a big stick.
Arwen throws Frodo on her horse and hen jumps on herself, knocking Frodo from his perch.
Arwen: Oops!
She throws him back on and this time get onto the horse without knocking him off.
Arwen: Bye now.
They ride off.
Sam: What are you doing? Those Wraiths are still out there.
Aragorn: So I'm stuck with you, Spam? Greeeeaaat.
Sam: That's SAM!!

The Elf woman and the hobbit race across thhe Ford of NEVERYOUMIND. Arwen had noticed in her rearveiw mirror that a yellow pickup truck with "Where's The Cream Filling" printed across the back windsheild has started to follow them. She pulls out her spray and sprays it. It has no effect on the approaching vehicle.
Arwen: I want my damn money back!
They finally reach the river.
Wraith: Hand over the Halfling, Elf-bitch.
Arwen: Not on your life, Bub.
The wraith advance. Arwen jumps off her horse and goes to the nearby roock wall. She pulls a hidden lever, and a flushing sound is heard as the river rises up and sweeps away the wraiths.
Arwen: Down the shitter!
Frodo falls from the horse. Arwen begins to weep dramatically.
Arwen: LIVE, DAMMIT LIVE!!!
Frodo passes out.