Hoofin' It

Title: When All Else Fails



Title: Hoofin' It

Author: Emmess

Rated: PG 13

Summary: Legolas finds that he has a telepathic connection with his new mount.

Genre: Humor

Warnings: Excessive horsing around. Snort.

Timeline: Third Age, during the War of the One Ring. Legolas has just received his new mount, Arod, from Eomer, the Horselord of Rohan.

A/N: Arod's thoughts are signified by //

Inspired by Lady Mirfain…



Hoofin' It, Part Two





// "What do you mean, 'we're leaving?' We just got here!" Arod complained, balking as Legolas tried to lead him from his stall in Theoden's stable. //



"I know that we just got here. We're going to Helm's Deep by order of the King…war is on Rohan's doorstep," Legolas replied, tugging harder on Arod's bridle.

// "War is on Rohan's doorstep? Tell Theoden to simply not answer the door…perhaps War will go away if it thinks no one is at home." //

"Come now, Arod…look, everyone else is going!" Legolas argued, ignoring the horse's last thought.

// "If everyone else jumped into the Anduin River, would you also? Don't be such a sheep, Elf…" Arod sniffed, pulling back against his reins, backpedaling into his stall. //



"Fine! If you would like to remain here and be the Rohan Welcome Wagon for the Urak Hai, be my guest! I am going to Helm's Deep with the others," Legolas replied, letting go of Arod's reins and turning his back on the horse. He took a few steps away, as if to leave the stable.

// "Urak Hai? More Urak Hai? Didn't we see enough Urak Hai to last us a lifetime? In case you don't remember, they are as ugly as sin and smell twice as foul!" //



"I remember very well, thank you. But then, we only saw fifty or so of them on the Mark…ten thousand march their way here as we speak."

// "Ten…thousand?" Arod repeated, starting to count off ten thousand by stamping his foreleg. "What idiot invited ten thousand Urak Hai to the party? Well…what are you waiting for, Elf? We need to go to Helm's Deep by order of the King. Who are you to ignore a direct edict by the King of Rohan? Really…I'm surprised at you." Arod thought, pushing his way past the amused Elf and walking out of the stable. //



Legolas shook his head, a small smile playing about his lips as he watched Arod leave the stable. He was beginning to get used to the arrogant, pompous horse and was learning which buttons to push to get Arod to cooperate. He followed the white stallion out of the stable, calling out to Gimli to come quickly so that they might depart.

// "Gimli? Oh, no…tell me I do not have to cart that lumpy Dwarf around again! Can't he ride with someone else?" Arod whined, as Legolas lifted the Dwarf to the stallion's back. "Eww…is there a water crisis as well as a war going on? Still he hasn't bathed. I warn you, Elf…if we come within a hundred paces of a river, I'm bucking him in." //



"Behave yourself, Arod…Gimli is a friend, and a fine warrior in his own right. You'll not want a wet, angry Dwarf on your tail."

// "I don't want a dry, happy one on my tail either, but look…I have one anyway." //



Legolas stifled a grin at his horse's thoughts, and lightly jumped up onto Arod's back. The horse set off, along with Hasufel and the steeds of Theoden and the Rohirrim, leading the villagers toward the mountains and the hopeful safety of Helm's Deep.

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They had crested a hill, nearly within sight of the fortress of Helm's Deep, when a warg-rider flew from the crevice in which it had been hiding in the rocky foothills, making short work of one of the Rohirrim.

Legolas jumped down from Arod, racing to the side of the fallen Rider, loosing arrows as he ran downing the beast and its ugly owner. "A Scout!" he cried, fitting another arrow into his bow.

Quickly, Theoden ordered Eowyn to lead the women and children into the safety of Helm's Deep, while the Rohirrim prepared to meet the coming onslaught.

Arod nervously sidestepped, narrowly missing the gaping, salivating jaws of a warg as an entire troupe of the beasts rode over the foothills, instantly engaging the Rohirrim.

// "You mangy cur! Take that!" Arod thought as he planted a well-aimed hind hoof smack in the middle of the warg's forehead. "Ha! Didn't see that coming, did you? Elf? Where are you, Elf? The Dwarf is lying down on the job!" he continued, as he skirted the pile of dead wargs that covered Gimli. //



The battle raged on, until finally all the wargs and riders, save but a very few who managed to escape back into the foothills, lay dead or dying among the slain Rohirrim.

Legolas spied Arod planting a hoof on the skull of a still-twitching Orc, and seeing his mount was safe and unharmed went in search of Aragorn and Gimli. He found Gimli still buried beneath a pile of warg carcasses, and quickly freed him, but Aragorn was no where to be found.

Arod plodded wearily to stand behind the Elf, Dwarf, and King of Rohan as they stared desolately down the sheer side of a cliff to the river far below.

// "NOW he decides to take a bath? The Ranger has a poor sense of timing," Arod thought, looking over Legolas' shoulder. //



"Arod…now is not the time for ill-conceived levity," Legolas thought, his tone heavy with grief.

// "I…is he…oh, Elf…I am sorry. I didn't realize…come, I will take you and the Dwarf to Helm's Deep," Arod thought, nudging the Elf's shoulder gently. His own tone spoke volumes of the sincerity of his apology, as did his large, brown, liquid eyes, and Legolas responded with a gentle hand on the stallion's neck. //



As Legolas lifted Gimli to Arod's back he noticed a long, rather deep gash in the horse's flank. "Arod!" he said, his voice filled with concern, "You have been injured."

// "It is nothing…a mere scratch, Elf. Come, daylight wastes and I wish to get you both safely to the Keep before night falls. I've no wish to encounter more of those malodorous beasties in the dark." //



"I will see to it that your wound is cleansed and tended as soon as we arrive, mellon min," Legolas replied, opting to walk along side of his horse rather than add his weight to the burden of the Dwarf that Arod already carried.

// "Mellon min? Are you calling me some kind of fruit?" Arod asked as they began walking toward the fortress in the mountains. //



"It is Elvish…it means, 'my friend,'" Legolas answered.

// "My friend? Really?" Arod thought, rolling his eyes toward the Elf who walked beside him, holding his bridle. "I have been a fool dressed in silly costumes for Men's amusement…I have been a Warhorse of the Rohirrim dressed in armor for Men's protection…never have I been a friend…" //

"There is a first time for everything, mellon. Come, night falls quickly in the mountains," Legolas said, a small smile touching his lips, even though his heart was heavy with grief for Aragorn.

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// "It is about time! Where have you been all night, Elf? I've been stuck in this stable with no water, and only that half-witted Hasufel for company!! Have you ever tried to hold a conversation with that nitwit? There are only two topics he can discuss with any degree of intelligence…food and sex. And sometimes he gets the two confused! It is maddening!" Arod bellowed as soon as he spied Legolas walking into the stables at Helm's Deep. //



"I am fine, thank you for asking," Legolas replied sarcastically, a smirk on his handsome face. "I've just spent the night fighting ten thousand Urak Hai, for your information."

// "All by your little lonesome? How very Elf-like," Arod replied dryly, although in his heart he was overjoyed to see his Elf safe and sound. He had nearly injured himself trying to break down the gate to the stall during the night, desperate to reach Legolas' side when the sounds of the battle had reached his ears. The Rohirrim stables of Helm's Deep were built strong and stout, however, and Arod had been forced to wait out the night unsure if his new friend were alive or dead. //



"Gimli is fine also. As is Aragorn."

// "Wonderful…we shall have to have a reunion. Party hats and cake all around." //



Legolas laughed, patting Arod on the neck. He inspected Arod's wound he had received during the fight with the wargs, saw to his feed and water, and bid him a good night.

// "Wait! Where are you going now? Aren't we leaving this dreadful place? It smells like urine in here," Arod complained, nosing the Elf in the back when he turned to leave. //



"We cannot leave as of yet. The threat of war now hangs over Gondor…we wait for Gondor to call for aid."

// "Are we to spend the rest of our years following war from one place to another? Haven't you had your fill of getting battered and bloody yet? Come here…I'll kick you in the head, and we'll call it a day." //

"Good night, mellon," Legolas said, laughing and shaking his head at his steed.



// "Good night, Elf," Arod replied, sighing and dipping his nose down into his bucket of feed. //

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"Is he insane? Are you? He has a death wish and takes the Path of the Dead and you follow him! And take ME with you! Friend or not, Elf, this is far beyond what I am willing to tolerate!" Arod whined, his coat prickling with unease as they walked the rocky path Aragorn had led them on. //

Legolas patted Arod's neck reassuringly, but said nothing. He was uneasy himself, the stench of things long dead filling his nostrils. They came to the entrance to the Path of the Dead, and Legolas read aloud the Elvish inscription above it.

// "Made by the dead, and the dead keep it? They CAN keep it…I want no part of this, Elf!" Arod cried, his eyes rolling up white in his fright. Let us leave this place! //



"Go on with you, Arod…there is no need for you to stay here. Go back to the camp, and take Hasufel with you," Legolas replied, seeing the intense fear that coursed through his mount. He had seen Arod perform bravely in battle, but dealing with the dead was another story altogether. Not that he blamed the horse…he felt like bolting himself.

// "I'll not be branded a coward, Elf! I'm not afraid…much…" //



"I know you are not a coward, mellon. Go…you will be needed at the camp when the Rohirrim ride to Gondor. And you must protect Hasufel…look, he races away already. He'll get lost, or eat something he shouldn't, or run off the edge of a cliff…"

Arod blew a breath of warm air into Legolas' face before turning and racing away after Aragorn's mount.

// "Be safe, Elf! I've no wish to have to train yet another Rider…I've just gotten you to behave in a way I can tolerate!" Arod called back over his shoulder as he galloped away. //

Legolas smiled at the retreating horse, then turned to follow Aragorn onto the Path.



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// "Well, well…look who it is! When you didn't return, I thought perhaps you'd taken a fancy to one of those dead Gondorians," Arod sniffed, although he was secretly overjoyed to be reunited with his Elf. //

"I had to accompany Aragorn on a little voyage…oh, yes…and I also had to kill about a million Orcs and several of those gigantic Oliphaunts. What have you been up to?" Legolas replied, leaning his cheek against Arod's velvety nose.

// "A million Orcs? Really, Elf…someone needs to teach you how to count. I'll bet you didn't kill nearly half that many." //

Legolas laughed, pleased beyond measure to see Arod safe and whole.

// "Come on, jump up and let's be off. I'm starving, and I need a good brushing," Arod prompted the Elf, nosing him in that direction. //

Legolas happily obliged, leaping to sit astride the white stallion.

// "Good heavens, Elf! What did you do after you killed those Oliphaunts,,,eat them? You weigh a ton!" //

"I am NOT fat," Legolas replied, affection for his mount clear in his voice.

// "You are. Your rear spreads to hang over both sides of my back…it's a wonder you could mount me without the benefit of a ladder," Arod laughed, his own voice filled with warmth for the Elf. //

"Has anyone ever told you that you are the MOST annoying horse?" Legolas asked, leaning forward to scratch behind Arod's ears. "Annoying, but still rather likeable."

// "As are you, Elf…as are you…mellon min," Arod replied, as he weaved his way through the carcass-littered fields of Pelennor, carrying his Elf toward Minas Tirith…just as Arod knew he would happily carry him for the rest of his days. //

The End