Hers

“Tell me why you have a son that I do not know about?”

The first thought through my mind was to fall to my knees and beg; however considering my armor, getting off the floor would take the aid of several men and I was quite sure the story of their king lolling on the floor, crying like a baby and begging his wife, queen or no queen, would not be seen lightly.

On second thought, I would most likely become the butt of many a wretched joke!

Instead, I took her in my arms and kissed her. “First and last, you must know I love you.”

She looked up at me, pity and understanding in her eyes. “You loved that young Rider’s mother, did you not?”

I did not hesitate. “As deep as the sea.”

Her smile dropped at that. “When I first arrived, I heard whispers, rumors that there was a woman you loved in Aldburg.” Lothiriel looked at me sadly. “They also said she disappeared in the dark of the night, heartbroken over our marriage.”

“Aye,” I agreed miserably. Quickly, I repeated what I told Edric; loving his mother before the war, waiting until the right time, which never seemed to materialize.

“I do not tell you this to hurt you, but when I returned to Rohan that summer after the war, after Elessar and Arwen's wedding to bury my uncle, I had no intention of marrying anyone but Wudurose. I made her a promise before I left; that I would return to her, marry her, make her mine.”

“Promises should not be made lightly.”

“No.” I backed away from her, turning my back, and dragged my fingers through my hair, dislodging the topknot. “They should not! And I did not intend to break it!” Obviously irritated, I began to yank my hair back, to retie it, only to feel softer and gentler hands in their place.

“Sit down and I will do that. You are so anxious, you'll make a mess of it.”

I did as she bid and relaxed under her ministrations. “She knew I needed a queen and she did not feel she could be one.”

“Running a large hall is difficult.”

I nodded, feeling her fingers pull and draw on my hair, immediately relaxing me. “One, I have no doubt she would have learned and done well at, but…” I thought for a moment, “… she would have been miserable. She ever enjoyed the soil, the dirt. She had a small cow she was very fond of.” I heard Lothiriel giggle, but not unkindly. “Aye. Béma help the man who upset her little Áblysian.” I felt her pat my head, signaling she was finished. I suspected she had braided the long tail in the back. “She sold all and left Aldburg right after our engagement was announced. I was frantic with worry when I found out and I had Gamling track her. I thought she left because she feared we would be in Aldburg often or that she could not bear my marriage. I discovered seven summers later that she had given birth to Edric.”

My wife tilted her head to the side, a clear sign she was churning through memories. “That day Gamling challenged you to race.”

“Aye.”

“You sent him into the east to check on her.”

“Aye.”

For a short time, she stared at the floor, deep in thought. When she looked up, sea storms burned in her emerald eyes. “If you ordered that Rider to marry her-“

“NO!” I grabbed her shoulders. “NO! I swear I did not!”

“Because if you did, I will throttle you and take the shoes from your horse!” She was bowed up, ready for battle. “I am quite fond of Gamling and if you-“

I kissed her then. It was the only way to shut her up and I was in a hurry. “No. He checked on her yearly, unbeknownst to her, and once I found out about Edric, he went thrice yearly with aid. They fell in love. Truly, they did. He has been everything I could not be to Edric and I am forever grateful, but I swear, I did not order him to marry her.”

She searched my eyes for some time, looking for any subterfuge. Finally, “Please tell me you have sent food to them because that boy would empty the kitchens of Meduseld in a matter of days!”

I relaxed at that and smiled. Part of me was terrified she would hate Edric, despise Wudurose and, truly, I could not bear that. It was the reason why I allowed Wudurose to keep Edric hidden from her all these years. “Much property, Taynors from my herd in Aldburg every year and yes, money.” My hand caressed her shoulder. “They want for nothing.”

She searched my eyes for what seemed like the longest time. “Do you still have feelings for her?”

How do I answer this? Explain it? I have never stopped loving her! My soul has been rent in two by this, because I do truly love my wife. If Lothiriel were to pass before me, I would certainly be a broken man.

“She is the mother of my first born. She was the love of my youth. Her well-being and happiness has ever been my desire.” There, the truth, it was out. “I still care for her deeply. That will never change.”

Lothiriel’s green eyes welled up, a tender, sad smile on her face. “I have come to expect no less from you, husband. I am sorry and hurt for both of you.” With this, she took my hand. “I… was in love with a young lord back home when my father informed me that my hand was desired to strengthen ties with Rohan.” With this admission, her smile became grim. “He was slender, dark-haired. Recited poetry. So very romantic and he smelled nice and had soft hands. He was very pretty. He was everything you were not. You were tall and fierce and so serious, you frightened the fish guts from me. You smelled of leather and killed things with your bare hands and I just knew you were rough and crass and would not recite poetry written and dedicated to my beauty.” I rolled my eyes at this. “We decided to run away, north to escape this marriage. My brothers found out and made sure it did not happen.”

“I am sorry, Lothiriel.” I wondered for not the first time how many hearts were broken to ensure ties between Gondor and Rohan.

“Oh… don’t be.” She turned my hand lose and turned away. “My dearest friend was contracted into marrying him. On more than one occasion, she has told me I got the better bargain. My husband is faithful and attentive whereas hers reminds her every time he is drunk that he should have had a princess. He is no longer very pretty.” Her features hardened. “She has lost count of his mistresses and paramours.”

Fury welled within my soul, that a man could be so callous towards a woman. “She should put a dirk between his ribs.”

My wife chuckled low, a sound I normally found very erotic. “I have told her the same thing. I have also told her when she does, she is to run here and we will hide her and find her a real man.” She nodded towards my bags and the door. “Go on with you now. I have no doubt that boy will be up and ready to go in an hour. Go make sure he and his are safe.”

I kissed her then, something sweet and lingering that held promise on my return. “Long have I been terrified that you would hate Edric or his mother. Not so many would be so understanding.”

“Understanding?” she whispered, an edge to her voice that made the hair rise on the back of my neck. “I do not know, Éomer, if I am being understanding or just numb. In the last hour, I have been slapped with the knowledge that I did not give birth to your firstborn son, a son by a woman, you have admitted to me, you loved deeply, one you desired much to marry.” She held up a single finger, to stop my explanation. “Oh, I knew on our wedding night, you were no virgin, no untried youth. The care, the gentleness you showed me, the fact you spent the entire night calming me of my groundless fears, comforting me through the tears of my lost maidenhead, apologizing for that slight, short-lived pain and then giving me such joy! I knew you had a past. I did not ever expect to confront the proof of your… experience… in my own hall!” Oh, she was working up into a fine fury now. “Whispers, rumors, ghosts, I can handle, but that boy is the one thing I have never been able to produce and never will. Your firstborn son who is so your guts, there is no denying him.” With this her face fell, tears welling in those sea green eyes I did fall in love with, even when my heart was breaking. “Every time I was pregnant, I prayed to Ilúvatar, Eru, Béma, for a son, a son with your hair and eyes and mouth, one that was carved from your own rod. One there would be no denying came from your loins and yours alone!”

“Æðelred looks like me.” I spoke of my second son, a true son of Éorl. Even at twelve summers, he was proving to be tall and fair, who already rode with no fear of the wind.

“Aye, but he has Amrotho’s mouth and my mother’s eyes.”

“Lothiriel, please,” I took her hands in mine, “Gamling said she ran and hid because of fear and deep sorrow. Imagine finding out you are with child and knowing your babe’s father is marrying someone else. She sold everything and left and started over alone because she was afraid. Gamling told me he could not begin to imagine her suffering. I cannot imagine it, how alone she must have felt. Please do not hate them or blame her. I only worry for her well-being.”

He is my son, as well…

“Blame her, hate her, for loving you? Why?” With that, she gave me an evil smile, one I had come to know and love. “Jealous, aye, however, I have great confidence that Gamling would put your head on a pike if you tried anything untoward with his wife.”