Parody of the Rings: Fellowship of the...Ah who the hell are we kidding?

Around the bend, and over the hill was BagEnd, thhe home of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins. Gandalf stopped his cart at the gate. It had a sign on it that said "Causion: Mine field. Sackville-Baggines stay out." Right nderneath this sign was another sign that said "If you have 'Party Business' follow the path, and you'll be fine." Gandalf carefully followed the pathway up to the door and knocked twice with his staff. An angry voice came from within.
Bilbo: No thank you!! We don't want anymore well wishers, distant relations, Moony's or Sackville-Bagginsed!
Gandalf: What about very old friends?
Bilbo: No soliciters!
Gandalf: Not that kind of old friend...
Bilbo: Go away!! You already told me. I won't be saved in thhe end.
Gandalf: Open the door, you pintsized nimrod! It's me Gandalf.
Bilbo: Gandalf? Have any ID?
Gandalf: Open the door, squatty, or I'll open it for you.
Bilbo: Oh it is you Gandalf!!
Gandalf hears many locks being undone, and about seven minutes later, Bilbo peeks through the door.
Gandalf: Damn, you're paranoid.
Bilbo: Sackville-Bagginses around. You can never be too careful. You're late, you know.
Gandalf: So I've been told. GOOD LORD!! You haven't aged a day.
Bilbo: Yeah, thank you Botox.
Bilbo and Gandalf then go into the kitchen. As Bilbo is just stuffing his face with eggs, they hear a loud explosion. Bilbo jumps up in panic.
Bilbo: Damn Sackville-bagginses! They've been at it all day. Can't say I didn't warn them. Then again, none of them can read. They want the house, you know. I need to get away, Gandalf and see some mountains again, and then maybe finish that damn romance novel I've been writing.
Gandalf: So you mean to go through with your plan?
Bilbo: Plan? Who told you? Who have you been talking to?!
Gandalf: Bilbo, we made it together.
Bilbo: Oh yes, now I remember.
Gandalf: Frodo suspects something.
Bilbo: Of course me does, he's a Baggins! Ah, my Frodo. Smart like his uncle.
Gandalf: Oh stop it!
Bilbo is now sitting in his chhair, blubbering like a baby.
Bilbo: I just can't beleive my Frodo is come of age.
Gandalf: Is that even in this story?
Bilbo: You're right, it's not.
Gandalf: Oh well, I'll be seeing you at the party.
Bilbo: Of course you will, the parties for me.
Gandalf: Smart hobbits...
Bilbo: What was that?!
Gandalf: Oh nothing.
Gandalf goes off to get ready for the party that night.