Parody of the Rings: Fellowship of the...Ah who the hell are we kidding?

Ganndalf rides like the wind to Minas Tirith. Just over the mountains can be seen the lights of Mordor.
Gandalf: Somebody turn that off!
At last Gandalf enters the city and rushes off to the library.
Gandalf: Damn overdue books.
In the very back room, Gandalf is rummaging through some paper and comes across script pages. He grumbles, tears them up, and throws them in a nearby fireplace.
Gandalf: You can write this shit, but ya sure can't say it.
Finally Gandalf come across some papers that say "Isildir's diary". He reads them:
Gandalf: The ring is MINE!!! Eat Poo Souron! Heh. By the way, throw the ring in the fire to learn it's secrets.
Gandalf suddenly becomes exited, rushes out to his horse, and rides back to the Shire.

Meanwhile, at Minas Morgal the wraiths are torturing Gollum with soap and water.
Wraith: Where is the ring. Tell me, or I'll get the scrub brush!
Gollum lails around in his tub and then screams.
Gollum: SHIRE!!! BAGGINS!!!
Wraith: Thank you, Gollum. Now get all this clean shit outa here. People might start thinking this is a nice place.
The gates open and the Ring Wraiths ride forth!!!