Parody of the Rings: Fellowship of the...Ah who the hell are we kidding?

Gandalf rides to the Shire.
17 years later
Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam are hanging out at "The Mullenium Falcon" a local pub. They are singing and dancing, and once more, Sam is found in the corner drooling over Rosie Cotton who stands behind the bar.
Frodo: Hey Sam, are you okay? You look like a rabid dog.
Sam: Isn't she beautiful?
Frodo: I don't know..She's kinda ugly, I'd say.
Sam looks over at Frodo who isn't even looking in the right direction. He follows Frodo's gaze to see a fat chick with four breasts, a mustache, and a tail.
Sam: Not that one you dumb-ass, Rosie.
Frodo: Oh yes, Rosie...Is that a bt of stubble I see on her upper lip?
Sam slap Frodo. They get ready to leave, and as they walk through the doorway, Rosie gives Sam a little peck on the cheek. Sam does ten back flips in his joy.
Sam: I'll never wash this cheek again!
Frodo: Like you did before.
Sam slaps Frodo again.
As they approach BagEnd, Sam goes on tohis own place, leaving Frodo to enter the dark hobbit hole alone. He enters and immediatly gets the feeling someone is watching him. Suddeny a hand lands on hhis shoulder.
Frodo: AAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Gandalf:AAHHHHHH!!!
Frodo: AAHHHHH!!!
Gandalf: AAHHHHH!
Frodo: AAHHHH! Gandalf?
Gandalf: You scared the hell outa me. Now is the Ring available?
Frodo goes and gets the ring. Gandalf takes it and throws it n the fire. He then picks it up with tongs and puts it in Frodo's hand.
Gandalf: Do you see any letters there? What does it say?
Frodo: It says "Apply to infested area". What does that mean?
Gandalf: Give it here, you stupid hobbit.
Gandalf snatches the ring away.
Gandalf: It Says "One ring to bring them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them".
Frodo: What does that mean?
Gandalf: It means this is Sourons ring.
Frodo: SOuron? The dark lord?
Gandalf: The same.
Frodo: Well we can hide it. Nobody knows it's here...Do they?
Gandalf: Gollum squealed. You're screwed.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Shire a wraith approaches a hobbit.
Wraith: SHIRE...BAGGINSSS...
Hobbit: What?
the wraith then begins to wheeze and spit.
Wraith: AHEM!! Ahehem. Sorry about that. I've been running about all day trying to find a place called Shire, and a fellow named Baggins. Know him?
Hobbit: Well I don't know any Bagginses personally, but if you follow the road West of here, you'll come to Hobbiton. Hobbiton is crawling with Bagginses.
Wraith: Thank you, mate.
Hobbit: No problem, Mr. creature of Darkness.

Meanwhile at BagEnd Frodo is haveing a panic attack and Gandalf looks out by the window. He reaches down and pulls up Sam.
Gandalf: What have you heard, and why did you listen?
Sam: Who's Souron?
Gandalf: Never you MIND!!! Frodo is going to Rivendell and you're going with him.
Sam: I am?
Gandalf: Yes you are. Frodo, I got your bag ready. I myself must go to Isengard to speak with Saruman. He will know what to do. I will try to meet you at Bree.
Frodo: But you've only just arrived.
Gandalf: Frodo, you must go. Trust Sam, he will look out for you. Whatever you do....RUN!!!!!
Gandalf disappears through the doorway and Sam and Frodo are left now to their own devices.
Sam: There goes a stupid, stupid wizard...
Frodo: Well we had better get going. If I fall, please don't hate me.
Sam: I could never hate you, you big clutz.
So Frodo and Sam head of to Bree.

TY to my reveiwers. Love to all ya'all.
Luv,
Ur Samwise