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Debbie Does the Fellowship

Chapter 2: The Passing of the Ring

by GypsieRose

CHAPTER 2: The Passing of the Ring

Frodo sat, brooding alone, against a tree-stump off a ways from the Company, but still within sight. Merry, Pippin, and Debbie had just returned from retrieving water from a stream nearby, and all three looked rather...tousled. They had spent much time in each other's company, especially in the past day or so. Frodo pursed his cupid-bow lips, a tear coming to his liquid blue eyes. How he wished he could be as carefree as they!

It was then that Debbie, for just a moment, met his gaze. Frodo's chin quivered and his brow knitted as he felt a pang of longing for his own lost innocence and wasted youth. Debbie was brushing Merry and Pippin aside and coming his way. Frodo stared suddenly at the ground, a large, wet tear rolling from his rosy cheek and plopping on the dusty earth. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and started from the firm, but gentle touch.


Her musical voice soothed him instantly, and he looked up into her green eyes with a sorrowful attempt at a smile. "Hullo, Debbie."

"You seem so sad, Frodo," she cooed, her voice as light as dove-song. "Isn't there anything I can do to help?" She put a comforting arm around his shoulders.

"You know you cannot," he sobbed, his tears starting anew. "What's writ in the crystal window--lap...top--of yours tells you that much."

"I was thinking...," Debbie mused, "I'm not really from this world and all, so maybe the Ring wouldn't affect me."

Frodo shrank back, throwing her arm from him with a violent motion. "No! You mean to take it and use its power!"

"Jeez, little paranoid, aren't we?" Debbie rolled her eyes at him. "I'm just trying to help."

"You sound like Boromir," Frodo replied in a low voice.

"Please--don't insult me!" Debbie said with a click of her tongue. "I wouldn't know *how* to use the stupid thing even if I had it, and what use do I have for big, icky, evil power, anyhow? You just always look so lost and sad and stuff, and I feel bad for you, okay? I used to give money to the Anti-Cruelty Society and everything back home, you know--I can't stand to see things suffer. I won't even squash bugs that get into my house...except for spiders, of course, but they don't count. I doubt that spiders have a soul or anything that could mess up my karma...."

Frodo blinked. The woman made absolutely no sense at all, but she was very fetching, with the waves of her chestnut hair framing her heart-shaped face and setting off her focused green eyes. She had an honest manner and an honest face, that was certain.

"...as I was saying, I only wanted to help. You don't have to be afraid of me." She smiled dazzlingly. "Besides," she added, "the book says you'll..." She leaned over and whispered in the hobbit's ear.

Frodo gasped in horror. "I'll *what*?!"

"Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that." She placed a dainty hand to her full lips. "Sorry."

Frodo's resolve began to waver. "By the Valar," he said, his voice barely a whisper, "you mean this only gets worse?"

"You have no idea," she replied solemnly.

Frodo tore the Ring from his neck. "Take it!" he fairly shouted, throwing it in her direction. "Please--I want nothing to do with it anymore. Ringbearer be damned--I'm only a hobbit!"

Debbie caught the chain easily, and lifted it to bring the Ring even with her emerald eyes. "*This* is *it*? It's kind of plain, isn't it? Not even a diamond or anything." She wrinkled her cute, little, upturned nose. "I have much better rings at home."

Frodo sighed with the relief of one who has had a great weight removed from his soul. "I guess it's all right for you to have it," he ventured.

Just then, Aragorn came running over, sword drawn. "What trick is this?!" he shouted at Debbie. "He is the Ringbearer, not you!"

"Looks like I am now," she replied with a shrug. "I can't believe everyone's getting so worked up over such a tiny little thing." She slipped the Ring on her finger, and....nothing happened.

"She's not invisible!" Frodo said in utter amazement, quizzically looking at the Ranger.

"No, she's not," Aragorn replied. "This means she's either in league with the Dark Powers, or she is unspeakably powerful in her goodness. I'm guessing since she hasn't killed us all in our sleep in these last few days, it must be the latter." He looked from the hobbit to Debbie and back again. "Well, I suppose if it has no effect on her, she might as well bear it now. I'd best explain this new turn of events to the rest of the Fellowship." Aragorn turned and stalked away.

Frodo gave Debbie a strong, sudden hug. "Thank you so much for getting rid of that drag of a Ring for me! It was more than kind of you to offer. How can I ever repay your kindness?"

"Well...you are so much cuter than those other two hobbits...," she began slowly, tousling his curly locks. "Wanna have sex?"

"This day just gets better and better," Frodo replied with a wink.


The spirits of the Fellowship were much improved after Debbie had taken the burden of the Ring from Frodo. Frodo himself often lifted his voice in song as they traveled along the river, even when they had to portage their boats. When they had camped for the next evening, Sam found the courage to approach Debbie as she set up her bedroll.

"Miss Debbie," he began timidly, his blond curls trembling in his nervousness.

"Yes, Sam?" Her voice, to Sam, sounded better than the Elves'.

"Miss Debbie, I've been meanin' to thank you for what you've done for my Master." Sam wrung his felt hat in his hands. "I tried to thank you last night, but I couldn't find you nowheres...nor could I find Master Frodo, come to think on it."

Debbie coughed discreetly. "I'm sure you just didn't look in the right place, Sam."

"He's so much happier now that you've got the Ring and all," Sam continued, noting that Debbie was a fine figure of a woman, indeed.

"I'm glad I could help." She reached down and wrapped a curl of Sam's hair around her finger.

"Miss Debbie...," Sam stammered, "How can I ever repay you for what you've done for Master Frodo?"

"You have the cutest little pug nose, Sam," Debbie said, tapping the tip of his nose with her slender index finger. "Wanna have sex?"

"I suppose my Master won't be needing me this evenin'," Sam said with a blush.


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Chapter name
The Passing of the Ring
11 Aug 2003
Last Edited
11 Aug 2003