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Debbie Does the Fellowship

Chapter 4: Boromir's Final Stand

by GypsieRose

CHAPTER 4: Boromir's Final Stand

The day of Amon Hen arrived, and Debbie didn't know what to do about Boromir. He refused to listen to anything she said, and every time she tried to engage him in civil conversation, he got a rather unsettling gleam in his eye. In addition, she had another dilemma: all of the Fellowship with the exception of Boromir seemed determined to share her company every evening, and she hadn't slept a wink in, like, three days. So, she decided to walk off when no one was looking and take a short nap, completely forgetting that she was wearing the Ring. She'd recall later that she should have written it in her daily calendar...

Debbie was startled awake by a rough hand on her head. "Wha--?"

"Are you tired, Ringbearer? Taking a little rest away from everyone else?"

Debbie's foot came up suddenly, catching the crouching Man squarely in the crotch. Boromir rolled to his side, clutching himself and making a pitiable high-pitched whine.

"Thank goodness for self-defense class," Debbie muttered under her breath. She leaped to her feet and started back toward the camp.

"Wait!" Boromir called in a voice still an octave or two above his normal tone. "Don't go! I'm sorry if I hurt you!"

Debbie laughed. "Hurt *me*? Whatever." She continued to walk away.

"No--come back! We could use the Ring together!" he called.

She wheeled around, planting her feet firmly. "Why would I want to do anything with you, when all you've done is be unspeakably rude to me since I arrived?"

Boromir limped to her, one hand outstretched. "I'm sorry, wi--Debbie. I really didn't mean anything by it. Please, let's talk about this for a minute."

Debbie sized up the Man's fine features, and thought that if he didn't scowl and squint so much, he might actually be good-looking. Her gaze then drifted behind him, where she saw movement in the trees.

"Ohmigod! Boromir, get away!"

"I told you I was sorry," he said evenly through clenched teeth.

"No--it's Amon Hen--don't you get it? Get out of here!" She pushed him, but he was heavy and only stumbled back a bit.

"You'll pay for that, you witch!"

"You are such an idiot!" she shouted, leaping to his side. An orc with an impressive bow had come out of the woods, and stood just a few feet away. Debbie put all her weight into her shoulder as she slammed into Boromir. She heard the *thwack* of an arrow as it connected with something.

Boromir looked up at her in awe. She looked down to see if he was all right, and noticed the arrow sticking out of her laptop. She turned back to the orc with murder in her eyes.

"You just 'killed' my $3,000 Titanium iBook, you churl! You are *so* going to pay for that with your blood!" She charged the surprised Uruk-hai, slamming him in the skull with the ruined computer. He fell to the ground in a puddle of his own gore.

From behind, she could hear the bellowing of a horn.

"Way to let them all know where we are," she complained at Boromir as more dark forms came out of the trees.


Aragorn crashed through the trees, sword aloft, hoping that he was not too late. The others were behind him, he knew, but only Legolas could really match his pace in the woods. He broke into a clearing and stopped short, amazed at the carnage before him.

Orc corpses were strewn far and wide. Some had crushed skulls, some had reddish skin about their eyes, and a number seemed to have severely broken limbs. Boromir sat a ways off, staring wonderingly at a bloody but apparently unharmed Debbie.

"You were ambushed?" Aragorn asked Boromir.

The warrior snapped from his reverie long enough to respond. "Um, yes, but we're all right. Where were all of you?"

"Roasting fish and swapping stories by the campfire, of course," the Ranger replied. "I didn't think they would come after Debbie. But I see you protected her well, Boromir."

"I didn't do a blasted thing," Boromir answered. "This is all her work."

Aragorn surveyed the grisly scene. "*All* of it?" he asked in amazement.

Boromir only nodded mutely.

"Lady Debbie, your skills are quite impressive," the Ranger complimented.

"You already said that last night," Debbie answered, brushing off her bloodied clothing. "Besides, I had no idea that pepper spray was lethal to orcs." She paused. "I'm a mess--I'm going to the river to wash off."

They all started to follow her.

She turned and coughed. "Alone."

They hung their heads and milled about, dejected.


Boromir hoped sincerely that Debbie wouldn't be too angry at his following her to the river; he'd hate to be on the receiving end of her well-wielded lap-top. He crept along, hiding in the bushes near the bank, trying to see where she'd gone.

He found her standing under a rocky overhang where the river dipped naturally--a point where they'd portaged just before camp the night before. The river tumbled lightly over the boulder-strewn outcropping here, a precursor to the greater waterfall beyond. He watched as she stood beneath the cascading spray, running her hands along her body to clean the dirt and blood from herself. He felt his...heart fill with desire.

Debbie stepped lightly from the water, wrapping herself in Aragorn's cloak. She stared, dismayed, at her ruined shirts. "I'll have to ask someone for another loaner," she said with a sigh.

Boromir stepped from the bushes suddenly. "Lady Debbie, I would gladly give you the shirt off my back, if you should so desire it."

Debbie shrieked and slapped Boromir across the face. "I thought I said 'alone'!"

"I deserved that slap, and so much more," Boromir replied, falling to one knee. "Please, Lady Debbie, accept my humble apology for all the cruel things I have said these past ten days. You have more than proved your worth to the Fellowship--and you saved my life."

"Well, I couldn't just stand there and let them shoot you, could I?" she replied plainly. "Now, about that shirt..."

"I realize I've been an ass since we left Rivendell," Boromir confessed. "Only your selfless act of bravery could make me understand the error of my ways. I will strive to be a better man in the future."

Debbie eyed him with suspicion. "You don't want the Ring?"

"I will die trying to protect you from any who would take it from you," he replied gently.

"That's a switch--but please don't. I don't have another lap-top." She smiled at him, and he returned the grin. She noticed he was boyishly handsome when he smiled.

He stood, staring at the vision of loveliness for a moment, and then asked sheepishly, "So, would you care to blow the Horn of Gondor?"

Debbie rolled her eyes and reached up to pinch his cheek. "Boromir, sweetie, you really need to get a new pick-up line!"


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Chapter name
Boromir's Final Stand
11 Aug 2003
Last Edited
11 Aug 2003