Shelob: More Letters from Mordor

Dearest Arachne,

Hope you are enjoying your new home in the north. Beleriand it is not, but we ingest what we must. Have you tried that restaurant beyond the river, Cavesomething I think it’s called? I ate there once, though the service was vile.

New neighbor to the east is a nightmare, thanks for asking. Property values have plummeted, and All-Night-Elves no longer delivers. Plus blurting smoke from mountaintop violates homeowners’ association bylaws. Yes, am pondering suitable revenge.

Must go now; dinner has arrived (new delivery boy; will let you know how that goes!).

Secretions and kisses,

Your mummy,
Shelob


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AN: Alassante, thanks for encouraging me to write a Shelob piece. Inglor, the Mordor Parcel Service appreciates your continued support.