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Chapter 1: Chapter one

by Xavilyn

A/N. Hello again everyone! After getting FOUR wonderful reviews for my other story Galadriel's Shots and two equally great reviews for You're So Vain. I have been inspired to write another humor fic. It's a bunch of oneshots and it's going to be a slight challenge to keep tham funny so I appreciate any suggestions or reviews, whatever floats your boat. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR.


Why Gimli never got a chance to be navigator.

"Aragorn, I think there's something wrong." Said Legolas after they'd been running for a long time. They still had a lot of ground to cover if they were to rescue Pippin and Merry from the Orcs.

"What do you mean, Legolas?" Replied Aragorn stopping to rest and catch his breath.

"Well, we're supposed to be traveling East right?"


"Because that's the way the orcs were heading, if I'm correct."

"You are most correct."

"So why is the sun in front of us?"

Aragorn looked to the horizon. It was dusk and the sun sure enough was setting in front of them.

"Isn't Gimli supposed to be leading? Is he reading the compass right?" asked Legolas, looking around worriedly.

"now that I think about it, didn't we just pass that boulder this morning? It looks like the one I banged my foot on. Is it not?"

"Why yes it is!" exclaimed Legolas. "I can't believe he lead us the wrong way!"

"Now, mellon nin. Let's give our friend the benefit of the doubt. I shall ask him."

Gimli was standing just a few feet away from his companions testing the air by licking his index finger and raising it above his head.


The dwarf turned to face his friends. "Yes? Do you need to rest longer? I can give you five more minutes then I think we should move on. We almost got them!"

"what direction are we going in?" inquired Legolas.

"We're going Weest, just like you said to, hours ago."

Legolas and Aragorn blinked. this is their expression: O_O!?

"Weest? I said EAST, Gimli!"

"OH, Well then, I thought you said Weest."

Aragorn took the compass from Gimli , peered at it and his face went from annoyance to deadpan.

"That's says WEST, Gimli, WEH-ST!"

"Oh, dear. heh heh, sorry?" Gimli smiled sheepishly at his increasingly angry friends.

"YOU MADE US WALK BACKWARDS!? WE'VE BEEN GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!" Legolas's porcelain face turned crimson. And he began to beat up the hapless dwarf. "YOU ARE AN IDIOT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAN'T READ THE WORD 'WEST' OF ALL THINGS!"


Aragorn just glared. Too macho to throw a tantrum.

From that day on Gimli was made to run in back while the three warriors chased after their friends. They could've walked but for Gimli's lack of navigation skills had to run to make up for lost time, that or walk day and night with no sleep.

That's why Gimli never got a chance to be navigator.

Love it? Hate it? Send a review! and if you have suggestions tell me!