Lost and Found

It was the same shore he had come to stand on every night since the stranger’s hands had tugged him from the leaves outside the window whose light, for that brief span of time, had been his whole world. Even in death, he could not hide from dreams. They came to him still, as he wandered a land empty of the living. And now, this night, Gorlim closed his eyes alone. His cheek pressed against his arms as he leaned against the fallen rubble of an ancient city in the world of Death. And the dream came again.

It was always the same. The wind snatched at his pale sandy curls. His skin, his eyes, his fingertips were worn to razor-sharpness by the same salt that sharpened fishes’ scales. He looked out over the water through those eyes. He could see a shadow in the water that had once been Dorthonion. It was a dream-image, clearly—even if his human eyes could stretch their sight so far, the water above his old home was the same water that filled the rest of the sea. Besides, he had never seen the sea.

And yet, in the dream, his feet made the sand sing under the twilight sky. Always in the dream he looked out over the water. Sometimes he would walk here and there, sometimes play with a shell or a bit of driftwood that washed up in his path. But always he stood and looked out towards the shadow.

This night was like any other in that respect. But something felt different. Very different.

He turned to the West, and saw there a distant figure approaching. He knew at once who it was. He set off at a run to greet her.

“Eilinel! Eilinel!” he called as he came towards her. “Eilinel, I have found you!”

Then, coming to her, he fell to his knees and threw his arms around her waist. “Eilinel!” He held her close, murmuring her name over and over. Her hands fell through his hair and over his back.

“Shhh... Gorlim... Shhh... Stand and see me, my lord.”

Obediently, he rose, clasping the woman’s shoulders and smiling. “I have searched for you... such a long time!”

But she did not return his smile with more than a quiet tilt of her lips. “Yes. You have.”

“Come! Come with me now. We will have our lives back. So many things you do not know! There is a white tower in a great city. I have seen it. Come with me, Eilinel! We shall be free at last.”

But the woman shook her head. “Gorlim.” The one whispered word was enough to silence him. He looked into her eyes questioningly, not understanding.

“Ever have you searched for the wrong treasure, my love,” she said to him. “And ever has your search been in vain. I cannot come with you.”

“But why?” This could not be true. Even a dream was never so cruel...

She cupped his cheek in her delicate hand. “The greatest love that ever was could never be gained by treachery, Gorlim. You must understand that. You should have known that at least. How can you say you loved me when you would leave your master and your companions to die for the sake of your own happiness?”

“I thought you lived still,” Gorlim pleaded with her. “I thought they had you captive...”

She dropped her arm to her side. “But you held the memory of my touch to be worth more than the safety of your captain.”

“Would you have had me forsake you, leave you to their hands?”

“I would rather die ten thousand deaths than be the cause of even one. That you would betray such an oath as you made to Barahir for the sake of an empty promise made by the Darkness shows my foolishness in choosing to love you. Yet love you I did, once. Long ago.”

“What are you saying?” His voice was forced over the fear that seemed to strangle him.

“You must let me go, Gorlim. I am no longer with you.”

“But—I have found you...”

“No. You have found a dream. It is the dream you chased all your life. But I am telling you, it is a dead dream. It will lead you nowhere. You must find a new light.”

Gorlim bowed his head. “Could you not love me still?”

She stood still and strong as a statue. “I love the man who once whispered poetry to me beneath the pines. I love the man who once would give his life for me. But I love him who is lost to me forever. He died when you spoke your betrayal against Barahir. You killed all that was good in you. Perhaps you may make it live again. Prove yourself, but do not do it for me.” She took from her finger then the ring that he had given her—a gold band etched with three silver flowers. She placed it in his hand. “Perhaps you may find some other love, if you can, in this world of dreams and shadows. And I wish you only joy. But you lost my love when you lost sight of what mattered.” She leaned forward and kissed him upon his forehead. “Let me go now. Stop searching for what is not there.”

Then she turned and walked back down the beach. Her footsteps were blown away behind her. Gorlim stood trembling as he watched her disappear into the misty dunes. He understood at last that love—true love—was to be able to let someone go.

***