What Had to Be

It had to be this way. Rose had to go on with her life and as badly as it pained him her life could not include him. He had been honest with her up until now. His words were true that she could spend the rest of her life with him, but he could not spend the rest of his life with her. That was too painful for him, watching her die either in old age or at the mercy of an enemy. Time Lords could not turn back time for a human life, it was impossible and he knew that if she stayed he would fight to make the impossible possible – losing his soul in the process. The Doctor could not do that, he could not continue to bend time and space for Rose Tyler no matter how he had already pretzeled it for her during their time together. Rose had to leave his life forever and this opportunity had come, this parallel world where Rose was safe with her mother and Mickey and had the chance to know her father and live her life as an ordinary human. If he doubted what he was doing was the right course to take he didn’t doubt one thing, Rose Tyler.

He was not even aware of how quickly he had said, “You can’t,” to Rose as she asked if she would ever see him again. It had been quick, it had been forced, and it had been a lie. He had told her small lies their whole time together, always when he thought it would help her adjust to the situation better. Sometimes he knew she saw through them, other times he was thankful she did not. This time she was to upset to see that he was lying to her and in an odd way was relieved while at the same time his gut clinched and he felt as if he was breaking apart.

The Doctor did not have much emotional steam left in him now as he confronted the 19 year old human that had shown him how to live again after so much had been taken from him. The human woman who he could come and see often if he dared to tear both his hearts and Rose’s asunder; and he did not dare tear them asunder anymore then they were breaking now.

She had said those three little words hadn’t she? Rose loved him, he never doubted and he knew something else too…The Doctor loved Rose Tyler. He had been afraid of saying it, of feeling it for so long but now as he stood there leaving her life forever he was not afraid. She needed to know that he loved her too, though he knew deep in her heart that she already did. Rose needed to hear it and as he made to say it with all the pomp and circumstance Rose deserved the transmission was lost. And so it was with tears streaming down his face the Doctor was alone once more. He collapsed in the floor in an emotional outburst once the shock of realization hit him. Rose was gone, he could go back for her but he had chosen to move on. He would always move on, always run and never ever look back. Hadn’t he told Rose once to never say never ever?