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How to Make the Perfect Cup of 'T'

Chapter 1: How to Make the Perfect Cup of 'T'

by eiranae

A/N: I want to thank Neu for organizing this challenge and Spaceweavil for taking the time to beta this even while on vacation! *hugs*

He told the Nutri-matic about India, he told it about China, he told it about Ceylon. He told it about broad leaves drying in the sun. He told it about silver teapots. He told it about summer afternoons on the lawn. He told it about putting in the milk before the tea so it wouldn’t get scalded. He even told it (briefly) about the history of the East India Company.
“So that’s it, is it?” said the Nutri-matic when he had finished.
“Yes,” said Arthur. “That is what I want.”
“You want the taste of dried leaves boiled in water?”
“Er, yes. With milk.”
“Squirted out of a cow?”
“Well, in a manner of speaking I suppose…”
“I’m going to need some help with this one.”

The Restaurant At the End of the Universe~Douglas Adams

Eddie the Computer’s Mathematical Equation for ‘T’

Hey all you crazy cool Sirius Cybernetics computers out there. Today I’m going to teach you how to make the perfect cup of ‘T’. With the help of one of those strange Earthmen I picked up somewhere in the Alpha quadrant, I have concocted the perfect formula for the perfect cup of ‘T’. Here goes. ‘T’ is equal to fifty (a nice round number) times ‘e’ equals ‘mc’ squared (some strange equation another one of those Earthmen thought up) over ‘L’ (for leaves—leaves from the ‘T’ plant) to the power ‘ICY’ (which happens to be India, China, and Ceylon—very important factors for the making of ‘T’) all divided by ‘Ag’ (which is of course the element silver) multiplied by ‘P’ (for pot) then add all this to H2FCl (something squired out of a ‘cow’) and you have the perfect cup of ‘T’. Of course, you can always add a little variety by taking the log of EIT (East India Trade), but that equation might be too difficult for some of you. So, to review, T=(50(e=mc2/L)ICY)/Ag(P) + H2FCl
And that concludes Eddie’s Mathematical Equations for Cuisine. Tune in next week to get my equation for STeW.

I've been going back to college so all I can say is blame it on the daytime activities.