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MAGLOR Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

by SpiritoftheGauntlets

Congratulations, you are now the owner of a MAGLOR model! In order to enjoy your unit to the fullest potential, please follow the instructions in this manual and consult the frequently asked questions for troubleshooting issues.

Technical Specifications
Name: Maglor
Type: Ancient Noldorian Prince with Music Fetish
Height: 6' 3 1/2''
Weight: 2 Stones
Manufacturer: Tolkien Enterprises
Designers: Feanor and Nerdanel Subdivision. Details classified.

Your MAGLOR unit comes with several accessories designed to cater to his basic needs. Upon installation you should find the following items.

A.) One 12 String Acoustical Guitar

B.) One Ocarina

C.) One electric piano equipped with moog synthesizer

D.) One extra plush teddy bear


Because of the unique nature of your MAGLOR'S accessories your unit may be slightly squashed upon arrival. Ensure that all sharp or even remotely pointy objects are out of reach and set up his accessories before removing your MAGLOR from his bubble wrap packaging. Immediately present him with his installed musical equipment and he will be distracted from his initial displeasure or violent thoughts.

Your MAGLOR unit has been programmed to respond readily to music in any form. However, earlier models have a factory glitch which prevents them from accepting rap as music; the same glitch will cause him to recognize rap musicians as ORC units. If your model has this glitch, lure him back into his bubble wrap with a 50 dollar I-tunes card and return him: we will exchange him or refund your purchase. If this glitch does not bother you it will not affect any of his other functions.

MAGLOR units come with several factory settings:
Musical Genius
Fierce Warrior
and Total Sucker

It is recommended that inexperienced users refrain from activating the Fierce Warrior mode. Additional programs may be purchased and installed through the use of our catalogue: see items 572 - 649.

When set to a particular mode, your MAGLOR unit will behave in the following way.

Musical Genius: Factory default setting. Your MAGLOR will be curious, polite and considerate but easily distracted by anything remotely resembling a musical beat. It is recommended that you limit your MAGLOR'S exposure to the following genres as they may trigger the "soulful wanderer" program:
Tragic Opera
Smooth Jazz
While in this mode you MAGLOR will refrain from most hostile actions. However, any approaching MORGOTH, SAURON, ORC or BALROG unit will immediately force a change into Fierce Warrior mode, and exposure to Japanese Chibis may irreversibly trigger the Total Sucker mode. If this should happen it is highly recommended that you bring your MAGLOR unit to the closest repair shop as soon as possible.

Fierce Warrior: NOT RECOMMENDED FOR INEXPERIENCED USERS. In this mode your MAGLOR will suffer from decreased logical functions and increased aggressive tendencies no matter what unit you have. Our researchers are modifying this feature and an update to the firmware may be available soon. For now you'll just have to suck it up and deal. Keep sharp objects away from your MAGLOR and play slow classical music through the house to facilitate a return to the Musical Genius mode. Bleach buckets and mops may also be necessary.

Tolkien Enterprises is not responsible for any destruction of property or loss of life if this should happen.

Total Sucker: Your MAGLOR unit has an innate love for anything with an adorable face. This mode magnifies that aspect of MAGLOR'S program. It is advised that you keep him away from neighbor's pets and young children while he is in this mode because most MAGLOR units will attempt to bring said pets and children home. Your MAGLOR will be ridiculously easy to bribe in this mode, and endless hours of amusement may be gained by introducing your MAGLOR to the "Puss in Boots Face" picture accessory available through our catalogue.

In this mode your MAGLOR will also make use of his wooden-handled brush accessory. If you should see him grooming puppies, kittens, rabbits, squirrels or ducklings with the brush be aware that it is not cause for concern - he has simply been suckered in by the animal's cuteness.

Your MAGLOR will also make a perfect babysitter in the mode. He will be content to play endless, mind numbing games with any children in his charge for hours on end. The only difficulty that may arise is separating your MAGLOR from his charges when their parents return.

Recent factory research has shown that certain MAGLOR units will often switch unexplainably from Fierce Warrior mode to Total Sucker mode. This feature will be removable shortly through the use of our "Silmaril Lust" program currently in development.

MAGLOR units are compatible with a variety of other units available for purchase. Not all of these interactions are recommended, however. For the reader's convenience a chart has been assembled.

FEANOR model: Your MAGLOR unit will look to any nearby FEANOR models for leadership and guidance. Given the nature of the programs this triggers, among them the "Unbreakable Oath" and "Silmaril Lust," it is highly recommended that you refrain from allowing the two units to interact.

MAEDROS model: Interactions between the two units will usually be friendly, but theft of nearby shiny objects has been reported, and contact with MAEDROS units has occasionally resulted in an irreversible "soulful wanderer" mode switch.

ELROND and ELROS model: Murder of the model's owners and kidnap of the two models is always the end result. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THESE MODELS MEET! Our technicians are working to combat the problem.

If your MAGLOR unit encounters any MORGOTH or BALROG units, all nearby FEANOR and SONS OF FEANOR models will gravitate to the area and explosions will ensue. Avoid this at all costs.


Problem: My MAGLOR unit is absolutely fixated on a lamp/light bulb/flashlight/nightlight I've had lying around. If I attempt to take it from him he curses me as a "Servant of Morgoth" and attempts to strangle me! What is wrong with him?
Answer: Has your MAGLOR been left unsupervised near a FEANOR model? If so, it is likely that the "Unbreakable Oath" program has been activated. When this happens your MAGLOR will immediately fixate on the brightest object nearby. Buy a replacement and let him cuddle his lamp/light bulb/flashlight/nightlight in peace.

Problem: My MAGLOR is fixated on a streetlight/lamppost!
Answer: See above and contact a repair shop before the police see your MAGLOR with his streetlight/lamppost.

Problem: My MAGLOR unit is playing strange, simplistic music on his ocarina then looking out the window. Has he malfunctioned?
Answer: No. It is likely that he has been exposed to "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time." Your MAGLOR is simply trying to figure out why it hasn't started raining yet.

If you care for your MAGLOR unit properly, he will be a loveable and musical companion for a great many years to come. Enjoy!