Eomer's new years resolution (Or how to get a wife).

Title – Eomer’s new years resolution (Or how to get a wife)

Author – Lizzie

Rating – PG (some very mild sexual references)

Summary – In response to the New Years Resolution challenge here on open scrolls, Eomer is lonely at a new years eve party so makes it his NY’s resolution to find a wife.

Disclaimer – You know which characters belong to whom and if you don’t you obviously haven’t read the books, anyway, the spunky one is not my creation unfortunately he belongs to the great J.R.R. Tolkien.

Authors last word – I had so much fun writing this, so I hope you all have as much fun reading it.

Eomer sat on his throne at the far end of the Golden Hall. With his elbows resting on his knees and his chin resting on the palms of his hands, a frown furrowed his brow; his lips pursed. In front of him, on the expansive floor of the Golden Hall, a New Years Eve party was in full swing. Men from the town were swilling great mugs of beer and chomping on large legs of mutton. Dotted here and there, women milled in tiny groups, gossiped amongst themselves looking merry. Everyone seemed content, all except the King.

Sighing Eomer turned this way and that, but could not make himself comfortable or happy. It had been just over a year since the end of the Great War and peace had flourished in the Mark, so Eomer rather knew he should be pleased with himself and happy, but for some reason seeing his subjects happy made him unhappy. This frustrated him. Laughter wrought him from his depressing thoughts and he glanced up. To his left Gamling and his lady friend were playing a drinking game that involved licking beer off each other’s necks. The surrounding audience were laughing so hard that tears streamed down there cheeks. Eomer’s frown deepened. Looking to his right only made his features darken even more. One of the younger riders, barely old enough to start growing a beared was passionately making out with one of the many young ladies present.

A thought came to Eomer’s mind that disturbed him greatly. Whilst every other male in Edoras was getting lucky with any number of ladies, he, Eomer, the king of Rohan, had not gotten lucky since wartime. That was a year ago, and here on New Years Eve, he had no lady with which to celebrate, even Gamling had a young betrothed now to kiss at midnight. Eomer realised he was lonely and that it was his own fault. In establishing himself as the King of the Mark and rebuilding his country he had made no time to search for a wife, a Queen for his people, someone to love and hold and kiss and make love to. He slapped his forehead as he muttered, ‘What is wrong with me?!?’

“Yes, what is wrong with you my lord?” Gamling said as he sat down on the upper step next to the throne.

“What is wrong? Every man in this room will be going home to a warm bed and good loving after tonight’s celebrations and where do you think I’ll be going Gamling?”

Gamling cringed.

“Yes Gamling, that’s right, I’m going up to my chambers where a nice little fire will be going, candles will be lit, my bed will be turned back with all except one of the curtains drawn, and what do you think will be keeping me warm? A damn water bottle that’s what!” Eomer snapped as he slumped back into his throne like a petulant little boy.

“Well Sir, you could change this rather depressing situation, look around at all the wenches that would die to keep YOU company for a night.” Gamling pointed to some of the ladies that were not yet attached to a man.

“No Gamling, I don’t want simply a one time bedfellow, give me sweet, young, pretty lass with whom I can make love to every night, and one that will please my subjects to have as Queen. You see Gamling, you have Aeren now, King Elessar has Lady Arwen, my sister has Fartamir, er, Faramir, and I have Goldy the dog!” Eomer looked pointedly at Gamling. Gamling laughed, “Alright sir, I understand, I think. Well, you’ve focused so much on rebuilding the Mark that you haven’t really had time for romantic courting of any worthy lady, it’s New Years sir, why don’t you make a New Years resolution of it.”

“That’s it Gamling, I will make a resolution, I resolve that by this time next year I will be wed to a lady of worth and be happy and totally in love. YES!” Eomer felt for the first time that evening a smile fill his features, “and you’re going to help me Gamling. Tomorrow first thing, we start.”

And so, first thing that next morning, with Gamling nursing a rather large hangover, Eomer began writing lists of possible candidates for a Queen. “Now Gamling, who do you think?”

Gamling groaned in reply as he buried his head into his arms. Eomer scratched his head. “Okay, I’ll make suggestions, you say yay or nay . . . . . . .. Or just listen.”

Gamling made no reply.

“Okay,” Eomer said as he dipped his quill into the inkbottle, “there’s Lady Lillya of Redderswitch, she’s quite well off, hmmmm, I do believe though that she has buck teeth, I wonder what it’s like to kiss someone with buck teeth, hm, no won’t put her name on my list.” Eomer fiddled with his quill.

“Lady Aslen of Waterdown, I’ve met her once I think, she was pretty and. . . .”

“Her voice was annoyingly high pitched and nasally, no, no, no, not if you still want me to be your right-hand man, I think she also picks her nose,” mumbled Gamling, glaring blearily at his King.

“Okay, she’s off the list, um, Lady Orwin?”

Gamling shook his head.

“Lady Harleen?”

Gamling snorted.

“Lady Raelen?”

Gamling made no response at all. Eomer felt his temper rising, at least he was trying to achieve his new years resolution, Gamling, whom he relied upon to help him make important decisions, appeared to not even be mentally there.

“Well, if I can’t come up with anything, why don’t you try?” huffed Eomer.

Gamling raised his head and squinted at Eomer, “Well Sir, have you ever thought about taking a bride from abroad?”

Eomer chewed his bottom lip as he thought, “you mean a Haradrim bride, hm, we’ve only just arranged a peace treaty with them, yet, to marry one of them would strengthen the treaty, and it might fulfil my resolution, I mean some of those Haradrim women, oh boy, those long legs and skimpy outfits, those. . . . . ”

“I was thinking more sir of closer to home.”

Eomer pursed his lips, squinted his eyes, and then shook his head. Gamling groaned, as much as he loved his King, and as good as his King was with horses, when it came to matters of diplomacy and matters to do with the heart, his King was clearly clueless.

“Gondor, my lord, Gondor has plenty of young ladies that would gladly want to come and live in this wind tunnel of a city just to be a Queen of some country or other, plus, your not that bad looking, some would love to share a bed with you!”

“Gondor, why Gamling, you wizard, why didn’t I think of that. I will write directly to Elessar for a list of eligible young ladies and who knows in a few months I may be wed and, and,” Eomer sighed, “happy.”

Two weeks later a list arrived from the King of Gondor. Eomer again sat at his table, Gamling, more alert this time round sat opposite him. Unrolling the list, Eomer smiled, “A list of ten he has sent, all with a description, and virtues listed. Let’s see, a Lady Gwendol of Harlethon, brown hair, green eyes, short, slightly puggy, nice, gentle, rich, scared of, um, scared of horses though.”

“Definitely not Sir,” said Gamling. Eomer grinned and nodded.

“Lady Peggity of Minas Tirith, hm, she’s older, forty it says here, skinny, tall, rich”

“And most likely wrinkly sir, and barren, she would not produce many children at that age sir.”

“Yes,” Eomer agreed, “next, Lady Borine, nah, says here she smokes pipe weed, ugh. Lady Adel, big nosed, nah, Lady Orline, skinny hipped’

“Not good for bearing children my Lord.” Gamling picked at his nails.

“In total agreement, Lady Archer, bigger then a horse, Lady Pirell sounds promising, tall, slim, auburn hair, blue eyes, wealthy, kind, likes to sew.”

“Doesn’t auburn usually mean carrot red My Lord.” Gamling stretched back in his chair, kicking his feet up onto the table.

“Not always,” Eomer protested. Gamling raised his eyebrows and blinked slowly.

‘Well, Gamling perhaps we’d best not risk it, next, Lady Dee, another who hates horses, what was Elessar thinking? Lady Forion, bankrupt! Lady Selest, prone to fits, couldn’t handle that.”

“Well, my Lord one left?” Gamling sighed at the seemingly fruitless list.

“One left, and oh my, she does seem promising. Do you remember Gamling, my friend who we still often go to battles with, Prince Imrahil?”

“Yes My Lord.”

“This is his daughter, here, listen, Princess Lothiriel, pretty name heh, tall, not too slim, I read that as hips good for breeding Gamling. Quite beautiful with deep brown hair, brown eyes, golden, CLEAR, skin. Let’s see, virtues, kind, gentle, though spirited when buttons pressed, accomplished, enjoys riding side saddle, what is side saddle Gamling?”

“I’ll explain later my Lord, please go on?”

“Only twenty, by George, she could have twenty children easily, lot’s of heirs. And the icing on the cake Gamling, she likes to travel. Means she won’t mind coming all the way here to live from Dol Amroth, and she won’t mind it if I have to drag her to Minas Tirith with me. I think we have a winner Gamling.”

Gamling sighed with relief “thank goodness for that Sir.”

11 months and two weeks later . . . . . . ..



Eomer sat on his throne, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin resting on the palms of his hands. In front of him the New Years Eve party to end all parties was raging. It was the last evening of the third age so everyone was making this night huge. Eomer smiled as he spied Gamling, in a repeat of last year, playing the drinking game with his now wife. Gamling’s wife was giggling herself silly as Gamling licked a particularly sensitive spot just behind her ear. Eomer, totally engrossed in watching the game nearly jumped out of his skin when to dainty hands crept their way around his chest.

“You want to play that game my love?” a soft voice whispered in his ear. Turning to face his seducer, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her round onto his lap.

“No Lottie, my one and only, I think I would prefer just to kiss you outright on the mouth if you don’t mind?” and so he did.