[Eruanna]

[inglor]

Cirdan, owner of Valinor Cruise Lines, said today that their largest and most elegant liner, Vinglot was christened and would be taking passengers within the month.

Colonels Elrohir and Elladan of the SAS successfully infiltrated a drug cartel and eliminated or brought to justice over 100 drug dealers.

Luthien broke her own milestone for having her 400th album go quintuple platinum. (Beren was co-producer... again)

Feanor made history by discovering cold fusion, just before the experiment went awry and incinerated everything within two miles of Formenos Industries. Celebrimbor, heir apparent, was not on the site at the time of the explosion, he was at a conference on new forms of energy production at the CERN Institute.

Aegnor was held on bond for Statutory Rape, he was quoted as saying "But your honor, she looks of age, do not the edain mature faster?"

Eol broke his restraining order and has been sentenced to 1000 years house arrest and was fitted with a locator device. Aredhel was not available for comment. Eol (CEO of Galvorn Defense Technologies) commented that his business would not be interupted and all would be conducted via teleconferencing.

Finrod Felagund, CEO of the architecture firm Nargothrond, LLC. was awarded the redesign of Cheyenne Mountain, it will be renovated into a high end condominium complex and gated community for retiring Noldor, Sindar and Vanyar. The surrounding forest was awarded to his sister and brother inlaw for rejuvenation.

The House of Finwe was rocked (again) as the patriarch of the clan was divorced for the 17th time and married a Norwegian supermodel and took up residence in Monaco. The as yet unknown daughters of Finwe have filed suit for the enforcement of the prenup of wife 17. The exwife tried to take the family jewels. Lead counsel and acting head of House Feanor Maedhros declined to comment. However, Don Curufin, olive oil importer, said he would make her an offer she couldn't refuse.

After many years in court, the Paternity suit of Gil-Galad vs. Fingon was settled with a blood test. As a result of the findings Fingon was no longer required to pay child support. Orodreth could not be reached for comment.

Pulitzer Prize wining writer Erestor published the authorized biography of his friend, Glorfindel in two hardback editions titled simply, Glorfindel I and Glorfindel II.

Gildor, President of Wandering Companies Recreational Vehicles announced the merger of WCRV and Winnebago.




Inglor

[Eruanna]

Inglor:



Those were great!

Now:

Maglor and Daeron have decided to start a boy-band and are looking for a lead singer and a backup harpist. The "photogenic-looks" part is not difficult because they will all be lovely elves. They will NOT wear make-up like Twisted Sister, nor wear beards like ZZ Top--they simply cannot grow them.

Beleg and Haldir have decided to leave the United States Forest Service and start their own border security company. With the mass leaving of elves for the Blessed Realm, many unemployed wardens see this as a career opportunity to have an interesting job that will use their many millennia of experience until the coming of the Second Music. After all, what will they do in Aman?

(BTW, Inglor, of just which family jewels do you speak?)

Glorfindel I and Glorfindel II will be made into movies...two parts, of course.

--Eruanna

[inglor]

[Yavanie]

INGLOR! you've made my day!!! i couldn't get through you post with having to stop and laugh a few times!!!

Got any more???

[JaneDoe]

Playgirl (Year of the Elf series):

Spring issues: Silver springs
Elu Thingol: wise ruler of Doriath, husband of Melian the Maia, and sex god
Celeborn: the "silver tree" opens up as he never has before (and we've got the pics to prove it)

Summer issues: Blondes have more fun
Legolas letting it all hang out!
The crowning glory of Glorfindel (and we don't mean his hair)
Aegnor: spiky-haired, mortal-loving, sexy black sheep of the Noldor

Autumn issues: Setting a fire with redheads
Maedhros proves one hand is enough to drive you wild
Two much: Amrod and Amras

Winter issues: Black is where it's at
Elrond Half-Elven: Half-Elf, Half...Horse?!
The Hidden King revealed: Turgon unclothed
Double Trouble: Elladan and Elrohir

Time magazine
Special Double Issue:
Cloning Elven sex partners: Human atrocity or the cure for loneliness?
Should Elves returning from Aman start from scratch or pick up where they left off?

Newsweek
Turgon elected Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Controversy erupts over whether Elves should be allowed to hold lifelong positions in government, religion, and business.

Style magazine
Galadriel's dramatic new look! Bye-bye long locks, hello sexy pixie cut!

For Her Magazine (Westron edition)
World's Most Eligible Men
Get an Elvish figure for the summer!
You're a mortal; he's an Elf: is it doomed before it starts?
The difference between Elf fanciers and fag hags
Is it true what they say about Elven men?
Self-defense secrets of the Shieldmaidens of Rohan
Mail order Dwarven husbands: a secret phenomenon

For Her Magazine (Sindarin edition)
World's Most Eligible Elven Bachelors (besides Legolas)
The new diet to increase your bust and butt!
Should You Get Involved with a Man?
Why Go Mortal? Luthien, Idril, and Arwen speak up
Is it true what they say about Men?
You + Dwarf = Bliss? How can that be?
The mysterious appeal of the Half-Elven

[Eruanna]

Jane:

Those are GEMS, I tell ya!

--Eru



This one:

An eye-candy pictorial:

The boys of the borders: Doraith and Lorien flaunt their finest

Beleg and Mablung: The beauties of Beleriand

The Lorien brothers: Sunning themselves on the flets

[inglor]

Galadriel in a pixie cut.


Elf/Men's Journal: (Quenya)
Noldor Royalty: The Ice Queens warm up
Galadriel, Idril, Aredhel, and Finduilas at Southbeach. See the inspiration for the passion of the Noldor

Luthien dances... in her daisydukes, the Fairest Child of Eru, you'll understand her title

Melian... she's a goddess (no, really she is A GODDESS) How she keeps the fires going since the Beginning of Time.

Is she really above you or is her daddy just being overprotective? And how you can win his admiration. By Beren Erchamion and Ellessar

She has thousands of years of experianece but here's a trick that no Elf Lady can resist... it has just 57 steps

How to walk on snow and ride a horse without tack

Is it true what they say about Ellyth Ears?


Scientific American:

Dior, Earendil: Men or Elves

The Song of Illuvatar or the Big Bang?

Glorfindel, Finrod: The Rehoused Speak

The remains of Glaurung and Smaug found, the differences between winged and non-winged dragons.

What exactly were the Silmarils made from?



Inglor

[RobinKa]

Rolling Palantir (Quenya):
Punk rock and metal veterans together
Rumil and Orophin, the former guitarists of The Sex Arrows, world famous punk rock band, decided to return to Europe and invited Celegorm to jam. The trio has just finished recording eleven tracks for their long expected debut.
"We are preparing to launch a short European tour this summer" – says the drummer of Dead Feanorians.

[inglor]

Dead Feanorians... Hah!

Somebody just dated herself


Inglor