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MaglorRedeemed
Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 115
Location: The land of Mormons, green Jell-O and Orson Scott Card
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 Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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| sindohte wrote: | | Andreth wrote: | On a side note, I wonder how quickly an Elf would recover from being racked? Quicker than a Mortal? Slower than a Dwarf?  |
Only you would think to ask a question like that  I would say they would not feel a thing because according to Tolkien's Very Secret Letters, male Elves do not have manly parts. When they reproduce they just start glowing and wave their hands in front of their mate and impregnate her through the miracle of Elven magic  |
Okay, now you're just making sh*t up.
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Rous
Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Posts: 358
Location: Trying to stay below the radar
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| Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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| MaglorRedeemed wrote: | | sindohte wrote: | | Andreth wrote: | | On a side note, I wonder how quickly an Elf would recover from being racked? Quicker than a Mortal? Slower than a Dwarf? |
Only you would think to ask a question like that I would say they would not feel a thing because according to Tolkien's Very Secret Letters, male Elves do not have manly parts. When they reproduce they just start glowing and wave their hands in front of their mate and impregnate her through the miracle of Elven magic |
Okay, now you're just making sh*t up. |
How can you say that! This is a very serious thread, and I take all of the knowledge and advice asked for very seriously. * crosses arms and taps foot, impatiently* "Do you really think she was making it up?" she asks in a whisper. That is the last time I ask for answers.
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DarkElfChilde
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 1013
Location: I'm located somewhere
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| Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:08 pm Post subject: |
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Ahh, just do what you want to do with your story; make it an AU if you want too. just enjoy writing and have fun! 
Sincerely,
Dark Elf Childe
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Rous
Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Posts: 358
Location: Trying to stay below the radar
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| Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| DarkElfChilde wrote: | Ahh, just do what you want to do with your story; make it an AU if you want too. just enjoy writing and have fun!
Sincerely,
Dark Elf Childe |
Trust me, I am, and I do. I write for my own enjoyment. That there are others who like it is a bonus. The fact that others write and allow me to read, that is icing on the cake. Yea, fandom.
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You make hay while the sun shines; beans you can combine after dark.
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Andreth
Joined: 24 Oct 2003
Posts: 1211
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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There's a parody out there called the Very Secret Diaries, or something along those lines. I think that's what Sind's referring to, although I've never read them. I asked Elrond if there was any truth to it and I'm pretty sure there's not, because he just snorted and said whoever wrote that must have been thinking of Feanor.
Anna
PS And my reasoning that a Dwarf could take a blow to the family jewels better is because they're stout little buggers. Either that or they'd have so much damn wiry hair down there it'd be like a Kevlar vest and insulate their dangly parts from the blow. |
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inglor
Joined: 26 Apr 2004
Posts: 853
Location: Not here, not there, not anywhere
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Andreth wrote: |
PS And my reasoning that a Dwarf could take a blow to the family jewels better is because they're stout little buggers. Either that or they'd have so much damn wiry hair down there it'd be like a Kevlar vest and insulate their dangly parts from the blow. |
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SpaceWeavil
Joined: 27 May 2004
Posts: 23
Location: Looking at shiny things
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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| sindohte wrote: | | Andreth wrote: | | On a side note, I wonder how quickly an Elf would recover from being racked? Quicker than a Mortal? Slower than a Dwarf? |
Only you would think to ask a question like that I would say they would not feel a thing because according to Tolkien's Very Secret Letters, male Elves do not have manly parts. When they reproduce they just start glowing and wave their hands in front of their mate and impregnate her through the miracle of Elven magic |
Where's the fun in that? Though I suppose it's preferable to that description of dwarves. I shall never look at Gimli in quite the same way again.
At least someone answered this though, as I now know what 'racking' means
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sindohte
Joined: 13 May 2003
Posts: 1621
Location: Rubbing up against an Elf
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Andreth wrote: | | PS And my reasoning that a Dwarf could take a blow to the family jewels better is because they're stout little buggers. Either that or they'd have so much damn wiry hair down there it'd be like a Kevlar vest and insulate their dangly parts from the blow. |
Nothing like a built in jock strap I suppose. No wonder there weren't very many dwarves running around Middle Earth, the poor females couldn't find the dangly parts because they were lost in a jungle of hair
And you should read the Very Secret Diaries when you have a chance.
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DarkElfChilde
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 1013
Location: I'm located somewhere
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 3:17 pm Post subject: |
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| inglor wrote: | | Andreth wrote: |
PS And my reasoning that a Dwarf could take a blow to the family jewels better is because they're stout little buggers. Either that or they'd have so much damn wiry hair down there it'd be like a Kevlar vest and insulate their dangly parts from the blow. |
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My god, the things that I read on this board...-shudders- and I believe that's the worst I've read so far...now I think I'm going to be sick...-shakes fist at Andreth-
Your friendly, but feeling kinda sickly elf,
Dark Elf Childe
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Andreth
Joined: 24 Oct 2003
Posts: 1211
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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Gimli says you're all being a bunch of wimps and are clearly unappreciative of the exceptional virility of hairy Dwarf-men. Or women, as the case may be.
And Dark Elf Childe, if that's the grossest thing you've read on this board, then you just haven't dug deep enough. You're missing the best ones.
| sindohte wrote: | | No wonder there weren't very many dwarves running around Middle Earth, the poor females couldn't find the dangly parts because they were lost in a jungle of hair |
It'd be like looking for a pickle in a bramble bush.
See? Now THAT was much grosser, in my opinion.  |
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sindohte
Joined: 13 May 2003
Posts: 1621
Location: Rubbing up against an Elf
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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Oh farking heavens that was FOUL!!!!!! You are truly an evile wench Anna. A cold slippery pickle in a prickly briar patch. Ugh!!!!
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DarkElfChilde
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 1013
Location: I'm located somewhere
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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Show me the best ones then Andreth; I'm bored anyway, and starting to become sick-minded myself...this is starting to feel like the Adult Swim boards. HAHA. 
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Rous
Joined: 20 Mar 2004
Posts: 358
Location: Trying to stay below the radar
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Andreth wrote: | There's a parody out there called the Very Secret Diaries, or something along those lines. I think that's what Sind's referring to, although I've never read them. I asked Elrond if there was any truth to it and I'm pretty sure there's not, because he just snorted and said whoever wrote that must have been thinking of Feanor.
Anna
PS And my reasoning that a Dwarf could take a blow to the family jewels better is because they're stout little buggers. Either that or they'd have so much damn wiry hair down there it'd be like a Kevlar vest and insulate their dangly parts from the blow. |
I have read the Very Secret Diaries, and I do not remember that! Do ask Elrond about the Rivendell Bath and Body Works and pink bubble bath. It has something to do with Galadriel's mirror, or maybe that was Legolas. Anyway, back to the subject, which was...what was it again? Oh, yes, the dwarves. I concur. But is this conjecture on your part, or experience? It would help a lot with the research, although how, I am not sure, as it was ELVES we were discussing. And since guys think with their lower brains, and there are no nerves in the brain, per se, maybe they would not be affected at all. Anyone out there in the med field that can confirm or deny this allegation?
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The only opinions that count, are those of the ones in control.
You make hay while the sun shines; beans you can combine after dark.
Duchess of the Independent Resort State of Mexico (est. 10/28/2004)
Purveyor of Buttershots and popcorn. |
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Thuriniel
Joined: 29 Jul 2003
Posts: 665
Location: Watching the purple sky fly over me ...
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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Very Secret Diaries can be found here:
http://www.councilofelrond.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=Fanfiction&file=index&options=DisplayStories&pagenumber=1&categoryid=23&totalpages=-1
They are hilarious parodies ... if you want a good laugh, give them a try.
It's been a long while since I last read them, but the ones that come to mind are Aragorn's (still not King), Legolas', Haldir's, Frodo's and Arwen's. I specially liked Arwen's shopping trip to The Gap of Rohan .
... sorry Rous ... you're right ... we should get back to the topic  ...
Post edited ... I forgot to mention that Very Secret Diaries are slashy in nature ...
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DarkElfChilde
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 1013
Location: I'm located somewhere
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| Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:47 pm Post subject: |
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I remember reading those!!! I don't like slash but those were freakin funny, and they make a really bad day all better.
"I'm still the prettiest!"
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