[Alassante]

Someone (Alisanne) posted these on LJ and my friend ladymorgana13 reposted them. I had to share for those of you not on LJ
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers throughout the land. Here are last year's winners.....


1 Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2 His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3 He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4 She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5 She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6 Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (I can hear my kid saying this sentence lol)
7 He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8 The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10 McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11 From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12 Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13 The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14 Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15 They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16 John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17 He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18 Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19 The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
20 The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
21 He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
22 The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
23 It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
24 He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

[NeumeIndil]

Damn. We needed a spit warning on that one.

#19-

Thanks, Al. I needed a laugh.

[Scribe]

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.



You just know the writer was still thinking about his math homework!!!

[Robbie]

[Alassante]

[Anna]

I wonder....is there something wrong with me, since I find #21 absolutely hilarious?

Thand you, Alassante, for sharing! I really needed a good laugh!

[Anna]

Hmm.... I meant thank you, of course....

Oh well, I do have a cold....

[krazykataave]

That did brighten my never ending day! My favorites are 4 and 15.

Kat

[inglor]

My personal favorite is 19.

10 made me laugh...very vivid imagery

12: I would love to have been grading that one...

18: clever

5: WHA?

6: could be very clever or very stupid...

[inglor]

Oh, and thanks so very much for sharing Al.

[DreadLadyFreya]

*roflmaostd* You, Al, are my hero! Oh, how I needed this!

[Sirannon]

Most of those are pure brilliance! Such creativity one could only hope to strive for.


Thanks a lot this just made my day!

[Ottis413]

Hey! a good story challange here, use all those in a story! might help to get tanked first......

[Haleth]

Thanks for posting this, Al! It's really giggle worthy.

18 and 19 are my favourites.

The idea should somehow be worthy of a challenge.

[Rous]

I was thinking that a few of them just might actually work, in the proper setting, of course. Like 18 or 19.

My favourite, though, is 19. Reminds me of a few family-in-laws.

Thank you for sharing.