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BittenBuggy
Joined: 27 Dec 2003
Posts: 2108
Location: Busy Being the Queen Of Everything.. And Trying to Catch the Yoda-Copter
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 Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 2:54 pm Post subject: BB's Checklist for Potential Mates |
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Ahem... recently I was having a conversation with my sister-in-law, who is single, after watching the LotR (marathon day... happens once a week  ) And we decided that every man that she could potentially marry must live up to certain standards.
Must be able to:
-Fight off dozens of baddies while having at least three arrows protruding from his chest cavity.
-Fire 100,000,000 arrows a minute and never miss.
-Whistle like this: *Shows tape of the 'Eomer whistle' when he is calling to the horses in Rohan*
-Jump onto a horse that is moving at approximately 25 m/h, facing it, grabbing onto the opposite side of the saddle from which you are standing.
Certain questions would be asked such as:
-If I was captured and then my captors were killed in a battle and I somehow escaped, would you be able to deduce EXACTLY what I had done in order to get free just based on the horse trampled ground and a piece of rope?
-If I were a whiney cow that was in love with another man, but I had just defeated the Nazgul and you thought I was pretty, would you marry me?
Thou shall not:
-Have the last name Snotgrass
-Think tea and 'cakes' constitutes a good snack
-Wear a fuzzy robe
-Shave your eyebrows
So, anyone have any other ideas?
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-The Queen of Everything - so dubed by Aerin
-"My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say, 'Make babies or die'."
-"The Pope! how many divisions has he got?" - Stalin |
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GottaLuvTolkien
Joined: 03 Jan 2004
Posts: 143
Location: Tied to a bed at The Wayward Inn
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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 *is laughing too much to form a coherent response* *snickers hugely*
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Madam 'Boromir-Slut': Slave of the Man of Gondor and Mistress Cruel of the Often Naked Beleg the Tart and Rhimlath the Skilled. |
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Panneth
Joined: 10 Jun 2003
Posts: 0
Location: Manchester/London
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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I would also add to the point about the arrows that any potential mate must always have a self-replenishing quiver.
Though good knowledge of what to do with a bar of soap is not necessarily required.
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~ Emma |
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Robbie
Site Admin
Joined: 22 Jun 2003
Posts: 1100
Location: Sydney, Australia.
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 5:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Panneth wrote: | | Though good knowledge of what to do with a bar of soap is not necessarily required. |
Or a razor, or a pair of hair clipper.
They must smell, and I'm not talking Lynx here.
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Rob
www.crackingegg.com |
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BittenBuggy
Joined: 27 Dec 2003
Posts: 2108
Location: Busy Being the Queen Of Everything.. And Trying to Catch the Yoda-Copter
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Robbie wrote: | | Panneth wrote: | | Though good knowledge of what to do with a bar of soap is not necessarily required. |
Or a razor, or a pair of hair clipper.
They must smell, and I'm not talking Lynx here. |
Is Robbie's humour over everybody's head or is it just me? 
_________________
-The Queen of Everything - so dubed by Aerin
-"My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say, 'Make babies or die'."
-"The Pope! how many divisions has he got?" - Stalin |
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Panneth
Joined: 10 Jun 2003
Posts: 0
Location: Manchester/London
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Robbie wrote: | | Panneth wrote: | | Though good knowledge of what to do with a bar of soap is not necessarily required. |
Or a razor, or a pair of hair clipper.
They must smell, and I'm not talking Lynx here. |
Erch, I'd take general grime over Lynx any day. It always brings back hideous memories of school discos where the boys seemed to bathe in the stuff so it was strong enough to choke anyone within a 5 metre radius.
BB - is it humour?
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~ Emma |
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DreadLadyFreya
Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 276
Location: A fantasy world, with beach front property
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| Posted: Tue May 11, 2004 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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The standard my girlfriends and I always joked about before LOTR (shivers uncontrolably at thought of those DARK DAYS), was:
Breathing. . . not necessarily on his own.
I know, those were dark, desperate days. . . 
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The darkness is strong, and it is patient, and it is everywhere,
and it always wins. But in the heart of its strength lies weakness -
one lone candle is enough to hold is back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars. |
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BittenBuggy
Joined: 27 Dec 2003
Posts: 2108
Location: Busy Being the Queen Of Everything.. And Trying to Catch the Yoda-Copter
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| Posted: Wed May 12, 2004 5:37 am Post subject: |
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| Panneth wrote: |
BB - is it humour? |
See! I'm not even sure of that! Might help if I knew what Lynx was... But whenever Robbie says something, I have to sit here and think for a good 5 minutes 'Now, what exactly is he saying?'
Somebody missed their calling, they should have been a politician...
_________________
-The Queen of Everything - so dubed by Aerin
-"My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say, 'Make babies or die'."
-"The Pope! how many divisions has he got?" - Stalin |
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Ania
Joined: 08 Sep 2003
Posts: 198
Location: Britain
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| Posted: Wed May 12, 2004 5:41 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Might help if I knew what Lynx was... |
Lynx is the guys deodrant that is especially potent, my brother uses it all the time and manages to make me gag when he enters the room, they come in imaginative names such as 'Indie' umm...can't think of any others and probably got that one wrong too...oh well... |
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NancyBrooke
Challenge Admin
Joined: 11 May 2003
Posts: 160
Location: In a motel 6 by the airport
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| Posted: Wed May 12, 2004 6:49 am Post subject: |
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| Panneth wrote: | | any potential mate must always have a self-replenishing quiver. |
Well! I should hope so!! and none of that half-an-hour crap, either. 
-Nancy
always ready with the dick joke
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NB Duchess of WHY TF Cant'chu Punctuate, First Duchess of F*&(ing &*ll yur comma placement sux!
Nazgul #3 in charge of ducking & sniggering
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DreadLadyFreya
Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 276
Location: A fantasy world, with beach front property
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| Posted: Wed May 12, 2004 10:58 am Post subject: |
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| NancyBrooke wrote: | | always ready with the dick joke |
And that, my dear Nancy, is why we keep you around!!
_________________
The darkness is strong, and it is patient, and it is everywhere,
and it always wins. But in the heart of its strength lies weakness -
one lone candle is enough to hold is back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars. |
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Isilme
Joined: 03 Mar 2004
Posts: 49
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed May 12, 2004 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not quite getting the Linx thing...
Is Lynx something like Axe??? As in 'the Axe effect' (girls spontaneously falling in lust with an ugly-axe-wearing-guy) Because that stuff is horrible *makes gagging noise*
By the way if you know a guy that fits BB's criteria...please let me know......
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Lover of Ecthelion and owner of 'Malen Súth' the beer brewery. |
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LuthienTinuviel
Joined: 29 Dec 2003
Posts: 354
Location: Dancing in the clouds.
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| Posted: Thu May 13, 2004 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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*speechless in laughter*
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