[Forest]

My personal favourite quote of the day is one from the BBCs "The Thin Blue Line". Well, it's more of a snippet than a quote.

To set the scene: Inspector Fowler is discussing a police report with his officers (Kevin Goody, Maggie Habbib and Constable Gladstone) made by someone called "Sir Paul Condon".....

Fowler: Sir Paul Condon.....*catches sight of Goody sniggering* Why are sniggering, boy?

Goody: *trying to control himself* I-I'm not s-s-niggering, sir.

Fowler: You ARE sniggering!

Goody: *matter-of-factly* Well, I mean come on sir, the bloke's name is 'Condon'! *sniggers*

Fowler: Well, I see nothing amusing about that.

Goody: *smirking* Oh, come now sir, I think you do!

Fowler: No, I don't, Goody.

Goody: *excitedly and slightly embarrassed* But sir, it sounds exactly like condom! *goes all embarrassed* Y-you can see them on the news, sir *pretends to be a newsreader* The Metropolitan policeman, Sir Paul Condon......an-and you KNOW that newsreader's thinking *puts both hands on the sides of his head and shakes his head looking traumatised* God, I hope I don't say condom, God, I hope I don't say condom!!!!

Fowler: Be quiet you imbecile!







Anyone else got any favourite comedy quotes they'd like to share?


~Forest

[SpaceWeavil]

One of my current favourites, from the BBC series Red Dwarf, series II;
Lister: Sometimes I think it’s cruel giving machines a personality. My mate Peterson once bought a pair of shoes with artificial intelligence. ‘Smart Shoes’ they were called. It was a neat idea. No matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got ratted one night in Oslo, and woke up the next morning in Burma. See the shoes got bored just going from his local to the flat. They wanted to see the world, like, you know. He had a hell of a job getting rid of them. No matter who he sold them to, they’d show up again the next day. He tried to shut them out but they just kicked the door down, you know… Last thing he heard they’d sort of erm…robbed a car and drove it into a canal. They couldn’t steer, you see. Yeah, Peterson was really, really blown away about it. He went to see a priest. And the priest told him…he said it was all right and that the shoes were happy and that they’d gone to heaven. You see, it turns out shoes have souls.