Reviews by Chathollinn

Imloth Melui · Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:21 pm

This is really good. I have one criticism before I get to the good stuff, and at that, it is more a philosophical disagreement than anything else. The story is very sweet and traditional. The protagonist does remind the young lad that marriage comes with thorns, but that's about it, darkside-wise. I would have found the story more complex had Ioreth not only been childless but actually liked it that way, and then the two brothers won her over to a different view. But that would be hard to do in a short story, I realize.

Now - you tell a good story. You held my attention to the end. Your charcterization of Ioreth, expressed through her monolog, sounded as natural as can be. You showed her relationships to Gimli and Legolas beautfully in a few words. That is succinct writing - my favorite. The dialogs sounded natural too. Another point, small but important to me, is the original names. You kept them short, distinctive, and pronounceable. Still another - it was a nice touch using 'joint-stiffness' instead of 'arthritis.' It helped keep the setting firmly in place. And the ending wrapped up the threads with the planting of the bush tying into the name. Kind of ghostly, too. Her spirit was there at the gravesite.

I noticed a comment on punctuation, but respectfully, I did not see any mistakes. I saw that you used and , which I took to be HTML coding that didn't work.

All in all, a very nice job. Best regards - Chathol-inn

Daughter Of Rohan · Wed May 19, 2004 3:31 pm

I liked the characters of the children and parents. Their antics and activities could well be typical of Rohirrim folk – the sub-created world they inhabited seemed logical. I noticed the names too. The writer took care with them, and made good distinctions between Rohan and Gondor. The story held my interest to the end of the first chapter, indicating good story telling abilities. I have two suggestions and a philosophical comment. If Ellawyn is getting riding lessons, please tell us non-riders the details that would convince us. I always appreciate researched details in a story. The story seems to ramble – is there anything that is not essential to the story that could be streamlined? I would so love a story about girls whose futures are not automatically subject to rigid roles. I saw some flashes of this in chapter one and would like to see this theme developed in a believable way. After all, Rohan had shield maidens, and Tolkien said almost nothing about them. Thus writers are free to imagine a culture that allows nontraditional roles, if they like. Hoping to see it, anyway. Best regards – Chathol-linn

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Reviews by Chathollinn